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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » raped

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Author Topic: raped
Member # 21757

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Recently, I moved to University in another province. Of course my boyfriend was unpset but he was starting to cheer up...untill this weekend. He went to a party, drank, and got sick. Then one of the people we know (not really friends but know each other) brought my boyfriend in to a room and stripped him (supposedly because he was covered in puke...but only his pants were wet). And then... started molesting him. My boyfriend couldn't do anything but lie there with his eyes closed..Thankfully, there was no anal involved...but the guy tried to get some response out of him...but nothing. I cannot say any specific acts done to him.

I am so far away and it kills me that I can't be with him. He won't tell anyone but me (though he told me the day after). He won't go to a doctor even though his hand is numb and he is still sick. I am seeing a counseller myself at my see how I can help him and myself. Now he got accepted into school and is moving away. I don't know if that will help him or make it worse. Please help us.

Posts: 36 | From: Nl, Canada | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Just to clear up a few things for you, hopefully to help in support and understanding:

Anal sex -- nor any other given sexual activity -- doesn't necessarily make sexual trauma more or less traumatic. The trauma doesn't arise from a given sexual act, but from sexual violence itself, no matter how it manifests. How much trauma is experienced varies widely based on what happened and the individual: some survivors who were anally raped, for instance, experience less trauma than othrs who were fondled. So, what acts were involved are pretty irrelevant when it comes to dealing with rape, and certainly so from your perspective as a partner. It might come up in the future per sexual boundaries, but that's likely about as much as "acts" matter.

Not knowing what went on aside, it IS vital your partner gets himself to the doctor, even if he doesn't want to ask about the assault right now. from the sounds of things, he may have alcohol poisoning right now, for instance. Obviously, if he can get a full check-up and STI screening, all the better.

How you can help him is to make clear you're available to help and listen, and to let him let you know what he needs. That may be space to himself, it may be talking about this, it may be a distraction from this, etc. But your best bet is to let HIM direct what he wants or needs from you right now.

Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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