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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Is it wrong?

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Author Topic: Is it wrong?
timetospin
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Member # 24650

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Miz S.- I'm new into this relationship with my boyfriend and I was abused over 6 years ago. I want to tell him but I'm afraid he will look at me differently if I do. My mom says don't worry about it, that it's in the past and it doesn't control my future or present but I feel as if it does. I also don't know if I should just keep it within me or tell him. The most I've told is that my past from where I moved from is as murky as a mud puddle. I have done battle with myself over this and i really need some good advice.
Thanks1

Posts: 2 | From: Oak Ridge, TN, USA | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
agabrielle
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My previous boyfriend hit me towards the end of our relationship, and I left him. I never looked back. Good for you for getting out of an abusive relationship.

It took me a long time to tell my current boyfriend what really happened, because I didn't like to admit it to myself. But, after he grabbed onto my wrist the same way my ex had right before he hit me (he wasn't going to hit me, but it reminded me of the previous occurence so vividly.), I freaked out.

He didn't understand what he'd done, and so I took a deep breath and told him why I freaked out so much over something as seemingly innocuous as his grabbing my wrist to pull me away from some running freshmen in the hall). Long story short, he understood and was compassionate about what had happened. If your new guy is worth it, he'll understand and be there for you, and most importantly, he won't hurt you. It's up to you whether you tell him, but you can't really know what kind of guy he is until you see his reaction to something like that. It sounds like you'd be a lot happier if you told him, and your happiness is very important, and I think you know that since you made the choice to leave an abuser for your own sake. Good luck!


Posts: 16 | From: St. Louis, MO, USA | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
btristan
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Sometimes our past does haunt us...but only you have that control. Sometimes it's good to talk with your loved one about these things. Why should he judge you because of your past? You were the abusee; not the abuser. Everyone has ugly pasts they want to forget. Maybe, this is your chance to find out what he's about? If he loves you; he will protect you...not judge you.
Posts: 3 | From: Fresno, CA. | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
idunno
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Member # 17762

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I have had a rough past also and I am in a relationship for two months now. I was afraid to tell him about my past, but I ended up telling him so that he could understand me better and understand why I react to some things the way I do.

Personally, I think you should talk to your boyfriend about your past. It will allow you to quit worrying about his reaction and I don't think he will get upset at you, maybe at the other guy though. By not telling your boyfriend it is creating a wall in your relationship that isn't big right now but it could cause problems in the future. Honesty is best in a relationship.


Posts: 17 | From: St. Catharines, ON, Canada | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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