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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » he hit her

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Author Topic: he hit her
poppybluefrogs
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my friend was in an abusive relationship where the bloke hit her alot and he raped her once and got her pregnant (she lost the baby at 16 weeks). recently she told me that her NEW boyfriend (who seems to be alot nicer than her ex) slapped her across the face. i thought that knowing her history and such he would never be so daring as to slap her or lay a finger on her in the wrong way.

however it appears he has. she asked me for advice the other day and i didnt know what to say to help. i suggested that if shes scared he'll do it again she should get out of the relationship.

do you think he will hit her again? and what can i tell her and how can i help her?


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Heather
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Anyone who hits once is far more likely to do it again than someone who never hits. And it really is that simple.

It's not, sadly, uncommon for people who have previously been abused or battered to wind up with abusers again.

A slap across the face is a very deliberate attack. Whether or not she's scared it'll happen again, it'd be a good idea for her to move on. They're simply no good reason for anyone to stay with someone who slaps them, even once. Period.

(Did your friend have any sort of counseling after the last relationship, or a support group for battering survivors? if not, that'd be a good idea.)


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poppybluefrogs
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well i took her to councelling after she lost her baby and she talked through everything then. i spoke to her earlier and told her what you said and she immediately called the guy and finished with him. just have to wait and see if she ends up back with the guy.

i hope she doesnt.i'll talk to her about more councelling and stuff too


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Gumdrop Girl
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you can show her this lovely checklist http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum9/HTML/000698.html and have her score her relationship based on those criteria. Some people know hiting is abuse, but it doesn't really occur to them just how bad the situation is until they see all the xes checked off in a row.

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Zander
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WOW... if i were you, i would tell her to stand up!!! dont take that stuff and she doesnt deserve it. she is probably a very nice girl and we are all sencative beings who NEED love, and care, she is a person with feelings too!!!
and if i EVER saw a guy hit a LADY i'd show him how it feels to be slapped around.
im sorry but my mother was abused by my father whom i dont see any more so i get very emotional when i hear that. just advise her to be strong and dont take that, and if she is really in a fix she should visit a local Teen Help Centre or something like that... Good Luck

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RUDeelite08
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i was in two abusive relationships (as classified by that checklist) and its true that you are more likely to go for someone thats abusive if you have already been abused...my only advice is to tell her to get out and stay out...please...

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Posts: 37 | From: Spotswood.NJ.USA | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
poppybluefrogs
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well she's stayed away from the second bloke but she ended up back with the first bloke who abused her. and no matter what i tell her she wont leave him. she says things are better this time. but it can only be a matter of time till things go back to how they were right?

ive tried to talk to her about it over and over again and all she does is dismiss it as 'things are better now and he knows he can control it' but i dont know if he can control it. im just so worried for her.


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