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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » my boyfriend has Bulimia Nervosa

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Author Topic: my boyfriend has Bulimia Nervosa
misslane
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i found out about this recently and now i worry about him constinly.

this is something that i don't know how to deal with.

he hasn't purged in a few months, and he says that he is over it but i can't be sure. his mom caught him and throwing up and took him to his normal dr who told him how bad it was for him and to stop. but that is all the treatment that he has had for it.

he used to be over weight and thats why he started, but now he has lost the weight (he also dieted and exersized to loss it). he says that because he's no longer fat he doesn't need to do it anylonger, but he was even doing it when he was at his thinest point.

i can't be with him all the time because we go to different schools and live half an hour away from eachother. so i am very worried that he could purge without me knowing.

has anyone out there have to deal with this before? i can't tell anyone who knows him, but i would still like to talk to someone. i feel very alone.


Posts: 60 | From: NY | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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First off, bulemia nervosa is a disease ... It's not a lifestyle (I'm sure you know this ...). It's a mental illness, and requires (often intense, depending on the stage) treatment from a professional.

This is also something he has to change for himself. Having personal experience with mental illness myself, i know how frustrating it is having people wagging their fingers at you telling you what's good for you ... When you're just not ready to change yet. Although it's often done w/ the best intentions, it's defineatly not helpful.

It's completely within reason for you to set boundaries for your relationship though. You should be ... You need to. As much as you care for him, you can't change this behaviour, and if it's causing major problems in your own life right now, maybe it'd be better for both of you if cut ties until he gets help. (My mother did this w/ me ... I had to 'get help, or get out' ... I got out, and ended up getting help anyway. I hated her for it then, but i'm better now b/c of it.)

Point being ... You can't help someone who doesn't want your help. You cant change his behaviour if he doesn't see the problem (or is denying there is a problem). You can suggest counseling, offer to go with him, offer your support in anyway you can ... But you have to protect yourself too. If this is too much for you to handle now, you need to get out.


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misslane
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he doesn't think it is a big deal, and he doesn't think that it is a problem anymore because he said that he has stopped. but i am still very worried that he will start up again.
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LilBlueSmurf
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Do you believe that he's stopped?

My main point was that this is a situation you have very little - no control over. If he's going to start up again, he's going to start up again ... This isn't even something he can likely control.

Are there any eating disorder support groups in your area? Acknowledge that you believe that he's stopped (if you do), but that you'd like to make sure that he stays healthy ...


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misslane
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ive contacted the national eating disorders association and they sent me information. it does look like there is a support group in our area. he doesn't have much money and cost is a MAJOR concern, do these things cost alot?
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misslane
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ive talked to him about it, and he still doesn't think that it is a big deal because he hasn't done it in awile, but he promised me that if he ever did it again that he would tell me and then he would go seek treatment. is it safe to wait?
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LilBlueSmurf
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It's hard to say ... I don't know him, or you, or this particular situation, short of what you've told us.

Are you comfortable w/ waiting? (And just to clarify, what is it that you're waiting for?)


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misslane
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if he purges and makes himself vomit. thats what we are waiting for. he hasn't done it in 5 or so months, so he thinks that he is over it.

i haven't loss sleep over it in awile, and i haven't been as worried. i trust him to tell me if it happens again.


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LilBlueSmurf
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i trust him to tell me if it happens again.

That's what's important ... You know the situation better than we do. If you think he'd speak up if he needs help, then waiting and allowing him to do that is probably best.


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misslane
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thx for all of your help and support. it means a lot to me.

i really just need to tell someone, and i promised him that i would keep it a secret. because no one knows me on this site i felt that i could post about it without letting anyone know that he has bulimia.


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