My mother killed herself July 2004. She took all her anti-depressant pills (probably w/alcohol) and went to sleep, leaving notes and the whole shebang. Because I had stopped caring about my mom due to her alcoholism, it didn't bother me too badly until about November. I'm not having crying fits at school anymore, but it still bugs me and I think about her/it every day.
I started having sex with my boyfriend in June 2004. He's a wonderful guy; sensitive, gentle, loving...a little stubborn and sometimes exaggerating...but I love his flaws as part of his beauty. We are very close and talk to each other nightly.
Now that I live alone with my dad (no brothers, sisters) I don't know if there is any adult to whom I can talk about sex and sexual safety...especially a mom figure. None of my girlfriends' parents are close enough to me to talk to. I like my pastor a lot, but I feel that she will reprimand me for having sex before marriage. I'm close to an aunt, but I'm afraid that if she knows, she'll reprimand me, and tell the rest of the family. I've always been known to my family as "the good girl"... I'm in honors, I get A's, I don't drink or do drugs, I'm a black belt, I read really fast... I'm deathly terrified of what my family will think of their perfect little Stanford girl gone to all hell.
I don't know who else I can talk to...I haven't had a therapist for a while. I was too afraid to tell her about the sex, and she referred me to a hypnotherapist a few months ago.
There isn't any other adult I trust, and my only peers I can discuss it with are my boyfriend and one of my girlfriends.
What can I do? I need my mind to be calmed by someone who knows what they're talking about.
[This message has been edited by seventh_trilogy (edited 01-30-2005).]