Alright, here's my story... I'm currently overcoming depression which I've suffered from my whole life, due to really bad circumstances. Anyways, I'm at an awkward point in my Life, I think... Or at least, I just feel like as I'm opening up I'm facing a lot.
Having been through things that most people never experience in a lifetime, I feel a little bit different from most everyone else. I'm often attracted to people who have suffered or do suffer, in the sense that I have something in common with them.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm changing my perspective on everything, hard as it is, because I WANT a better Life for myself and I know that I am the only one capable of giving that to myself. It's going well, but school is so bad still! I mean, I've had a lot of problems there- After eighth grade I started going to this tiny private day school an hour away from home and everything is so different from my local friends and life at home, I've never adjusted socially because I just don't really have a lot in common with most of the kids there. It's hard for me, and I'm finding myself doing alright in school (emotionally), however most of the time I'm just alone. I left my "group" of friends because they treated me like crap, plain and simple. That's just how they operate: Backstabbing, gossipping, etc. And that's fine for them. It's not fine for me.
Now I'm kind of an independent unit: I'm SOOOOO much happier this way, and I'm finding that there are some really cool non-conformist people with actual personalities who kind of operate in the same way. I think this is a good way to be, but at the same time it's so lonely! It makes you feel insecure to be alone in high school because everyone who conforms to a group kind of looks down on you or something.
I'm a junior, and kind of still looking forward to getting out of high school. The last thing I want is to be wishing my life away, so I'm trying with everything I have in me to make my high school days as good as they can be. It's just weird though, I don't play any sports on my little school's teams because they don't offer any of the activities I'd be involved in: dance, cheerleading, singing, debate, OR a poetry group (lame!). And I don't identify with a "group" now. I think a lot about high school is pretty lame and am just looking forward to getting out into the world at large.
In the meantime, what should I do with my Life? How should I handle all of this? I'm at such a weird point. I wanted to switch out of my school desperately, I've been so miserable there. But I decided that at my school I can at least find the sort of academic environment I enjoy. I'm ONLY there for academics. If I meet cool people along the way, that's awesome, but I HATE being alone!!!! I'm way too social for that haha. I miss being with my local friends more than I could express, but I've pretty much made up my mind to stay put: I'm viewing this whole school thing as a 4-year challenge .
Also, I don't know what I want to do with my Life past high school, as if this wasn't bad enough already. Is that a crisis? I mean, I am in touch with my interests, but am a firm believer that it is what you make of the opportunities that arise that shapes your life, beyond attitude. Any comments would be awesome since I kind of just spilled my heart out. Whoops
------------------ "It's something unpredictable but in the end is right i hope you had the time of your life"
i have been there, believe me. I was always getting picked on and i became the spokesperson for that "group" aka OUTCASTS but i stand up for them and stuff, but yea, anyways.....
i'm more of a loner too, it's always been that way and i prefer being alone or having a FEW close friends then deal with all the rest of the bullshit!
only you know what's in store for you with college and stuff. just do well with your grades and be yourself. If you want more friends or something, just learn how to put yourself out there. but it takes time, believe me... it doesn't happen over night. Just take it one day at a time and one step at a time and you'll be fine.
You have a bf right?? (not sure- but i'm guessing u do cuz ur on this site.. HA) DUH! but yea.. so obviously, you'renot THAT much alone. but um, yea. i get with people who need my help sometimes, but i'm out of that now. i find people who like, tell me their whole life story the first time i meet them and i'm like OK? lol. everyone has their definition of hard, but i can almost guarantee some people that they wouldn't be alive if they lived what i did. but, let's not get into that. everyone has their own capabilities of things they can handle ME? i take my tribulations as giving me even more strength, before i used to get upset and depressed, suicidal etc etc etc.. now, i learn to take it with a grain of salt, and to just laugh it off in a way and say "here we go again" LoL.. you'll learn to do that eventually if you haven't already. it takes time, patience, tears, and (maybe) blood. you have to go through the rain to see the rainbow. the way i see it, i am more prepared to handle stress/ and BAD STUFF that comes my way then if i was handed everything and didn't have any problems. I"ll already know who i am when you (general) are still trying to figure out who you are... you know? THAT'S the attitude you have to have... be positive about life and take each day as it comes at you because you'll learn that you can't control it. you do what you feel is right and what makes you happy and if you're happier "alone" then that's just you and be glad that you can handle that cuz guess what. people aren't going to be there, they WILL crap on you! and you have to learn how to stand on your own two feet... Catch my drift?? You already know how!!
Peace out girl, and don't let the GAME OF LIFE drag you down. You have what you need, you have the tools... go get what you want!!!
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