Hey sorry this will be long,and stupid,and useless and don`t even bother replying if you don`t feel like it...just need someplace to write,someplace where i could get some kind words...not like from the other surroundings...
Just sent my ex this:
I`ve wrote you this letter cause when i look into your eyes(not that you could look into my eyes but still) or hear your voice,or talk to you on YM my heart just melts and so dose my courage to tell you what i realy feel so i guess a letter will be easier..so here i go... Let me start off by telling you i`m unsure about anything now.I don`t know if i feel hate or love or whatever for you but i cannot take this crud anymore.I`m sorry but this whole "just friends" thing my heart cannot handle.If you don`t care about me then stop filling my head with false hopes,time and again consciously screwing me up inside.I`m sorry but since your cuz`s birthday i cannot just be a friend anymore,you can shove your sharade where the sun don`t shine...I mean it`s beyond unfair of you to hug me, want to kiss me but hesitate,dance with me and so on...i`m there by your side and you push me away all the time... taking pleasure in torturing my heart? you like steping on my feelings? WELL F THAT!!! F OFF!!! I should swallow everything and take everything for you?! i CAN forgive you for cheating on me and you can`t understand me at all huh?! Check this out oh blind one,a few months before i met you last summer i decided to get out of the state i was in(a state i was in because of another girl...such a surprise).This state was basicly me making people stay away from me,me being anti-social and cold(being like that is NOT a part of who i am,it`s just my think outer deffensive side,keeping people away so i wouldn`t get hurt again(maybe thats why i feel superior and i act ironical with others...just a thought) and you show up into the picture that all went away i felt safe to open up to you...big mistake) and i was all screwd up inside like ther`s no tomorow.Getting out of this was hard and when i met you it started getting easier...all i needed was your pacience,so was that so damn hard? and why do you think that when i`m with you why do you think i`m not that way?! huh?!? cause i care about you,more then anybody should care about a selfish shallow and unfair...errr...well...you in other words,but i feel your kinda worth it...i don`t know anymore...you say you care about me but you don`t want to regret cause i`m very negative and ironical and i think i`m all superior to others well understand this,I`m not so negative,i am ironical and i don`t like those wastes of air in Nerv(BAR).I`m if you`d belive me or not i`m more inteligent and washed then most of those people(Ionel,Sferdi,Gloria...and the list goes on),who am i to judge them? i don`t judge them(much),i compare them to me and i say the result(i`m entitled to my own/wrong oppinion).And as for being ironical and deffensive,i`m only that way to them when they attack me by making fun of me(ahm...actualy trying to make fun of me) or cuss at me at wich point all i have to do is say a small smart joke and they simply get lost and leave me alone...either that or they do the retarded thing at threaten to kick my butt... Aaaaaaanyway...when you decide you deserve more then those cheap feelingless/meaningless crap relationships with no care or love or anything involved,and when you decide to be honest with me and i get the truth from you not from Raluca(my x`s cuz) or others call me...till then i end this with a warm and nice GO F YOURSELF!!!
This crap is just so unfair...To be so close to you and yet so far,for what? the fact that i look streight at you and you look away...the fact that i held you in my arms and amost felt like hating you...wich i do not...or cannot hate you..."
To wich she said she`s shoked...that she never knew bla bla bla...and that she felt like we could be a couple but then she realised that she don`t care about me that way but not trying to hurt me so she wanted to make me hate her by cheating on me...and that it would be better if we never saw eachoter and all that...Hard for me to do cause i think i love her and that i such bull...My best friend said that this will make an impact on her and that she`l call me or something in the next couple of days...hope is wasted on me i guess...anybody got any oppinions ? I don`t know what to do anymore...give up being sentimental and loving and all that and just turn cold and go out with chicks i pick up in a club and have cheap empty relationships...?
quote:hope is wasted on me i guess...anybody got any oppinions ?
Why would you "hope" to be in a relationship with someone who you think is "selfish shallow and unfair"? And for that matter, why would telling her to "F*** OFF!!!" make her want to be in a relationship with you?
Really, when you've got this much anger and contempt for someone, I'd say it's time to cut your losses and stop trying to have a romantic relationship with them, for the sake of your own mental health (and hers).
quote:I don`t know what to do anymore...give up being sentimental and loving and all that and just turn cold and go out with chicks i pick up in a club and have cheap empty relationships...?
Your choice ....
Having unrequited feelings for someone can be incredibly painful, I know.
But it's a big jump from that to thinking that you can never ever have a loving relationship and need to go have "cheap empty" one-night stands when that's not what you want.
It seems pretty clear that this relationship isn't right for you. That doesn't mean you can't find another relationship that is.
true...putting it all together it`s a bit pathetic but it`s tough to find someone in a 250000 people town(no montreal obviously) and it`s hard to let go i guess...thanks for the advice though...and no i wouldn`t want a relationship with her again...but it`s hard to just be "friends" affter the crap she put me through...and i don`t know what the hell it is she wants...i know what i want though...to move on and stuff...anyway i doubt i could go for the one-night stand stuff either(if not drunk i guess ) so i`l just continue my persuit for love someplace else thanks...this reply made my day
Posts: 23 | From: Quebec | Registered: Aug 2004
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quote:but it`s hard to just be "friends" affter the crap she put me through
First of all, do you want to be friends with her? Because your message to her really doesn't sound at all friendly.
Sometimes, being friends with someone after you've broken up with them is way too demanding emotionally. Especially if it's not what you really want, and you're mainly trying to be friends as a way of trying to re-start the romantic relationship. If you find you feel that way, then it's okay to decide that you can't handle trying to be friends with her.
Even if you decide that you do want to try to be friends with her long-term, it isn't a bad idea to take a break from seeing her in the short-term so that you can recover and get your feelings together a bit more.
Another possibility, though, is that you do want to be friends with her (for friendship's sake, not as a covert way of trying to get back together with her).
But from what you've said in previous posts, you feel she's sending some mixed messages - e.g. wanting to hug and kiss you - and you're finding that very hard to deal with.
In which case, you need to be honest, if you do value her as a friend. Carrying grudges about the break-up and writing letters telling her what a lousy person she is really isn't going to help.
But honestly telling her that you find some of her behaviour confusing, and letting her know what you need for the friendship to work - that might help.
Well i`ve found some enlightenment in your posts and i must say i feel way better...now that i got all that junk off my chest i feel ok...i realise i did in fact hate her but didn`t see that till now...so i guess it was a more or less indirect hate...and it was wrong...i`d expect better from myself,i don`t want her in a romantic relationship anymore,she`s just not right for me i want way more then what she gave and if she thinks she`s incapable of more ,then i`l respect that and move on.Instead if she can deal with just friends fine by me...but if she never wants to talk to me again i doubt i`l mind...
Posts: 23 | From: Quebec | Registered: Aug 2004
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