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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » raped so long ago.. it still hurts..

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Author Topic: raped so long ago.. it still hurts..
Member # 20921

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when i was 16 i was livin a normal life.. i had the most amazin boyfriend & life was goin good. i ended up becomin "friends" w/ a 30yr old guy that seemed like he had good intentions.. after about 3 days of hangin out i went up 2 watch a movie w/ him, he came off as a guy that wanted 2 b a big bro so i let him in quikly.. when we were watchin the movie i asked 4 a pillow & he said in his room so i went 2 get it & when i turned around, the lite was flik'd off & he closed his bedroom door. after that nite, my life went downhill.. i broke up w/ my boyfriend & drank non-stop until my mom finally shipped me off 2 my dad. i have never looked @ any guy the same, even my own brother. i have a trust issue that i dont think will ever go away.. if that was 3yrs ago, is it ok that its still bothering me?? my new boyfriend is amazing & treats me like a god, we've been 2gether 4 over a year and i just told him 2nite about my rape incident bcuz he is always askin y i dont trust him.. now im scared that its just goin 2 b a relationship where i get sympathized.. i really dont kno wut im doin or y i cant let this go!!.. any help would b nice.. thank you.. it felt good 2 just write this out!!
Posts: 4 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20174

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It is perfectly fine that it still bothers me... and it is really good that u told your new boyfriend so he understands where you are coming from. One thing you need to know is that not all guys are the same. Your boyfriend now seems like a good guy and hopefully he wont treat you any different after hearing this except treating you better.
and another thing you must know is that it is not your fault. what the 30.yr old intended to do could not have been known to you and you should not blame yourself. Yet you should tell someone about it who can do something so he can not do that to any one else.

i really hope your new boyfriend helps you heal.. best of luck

Posts: 16 | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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Have you gotten any help with this?

A therapist or real-life support group can be very helpful with dealing with rape and can help you learn coping mechanisms so it doesn't have such a negative impact on your daily life. Even just having people to talk to who can understand can be very helpful so if you haven't already I strongly suggest seeking out some outside support. If you can't find anything post your city and province and I'll see what I can find for you.

Something I do not suggest doing is using your boyfriend as a therapist. That's unfair to both of you. It places unrealist expectations on him and likely won't do you much good since he probably isn't equipped for such a task. This is something best left to someone with appropriate training and experience.

Did you press charges? Doing so might make you feel a little safer, not to mention prevent him from doing this again. I'm not sure what your options are after three years but it's worth looking into.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20921

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i have been talking with my best friend (who is takin social work in university)about it for the last 2 and half years.. she was also raped so she knows where i am coming from. my boyfriend & i have only talked about it the one time.. he knows that i dont like 2 talk about it w/ him bcuz its just one of those subjects that im really touchy w/ & i have huge issues when it comes 2 who i talk 2 it about and he has accepted that but offered 2 b there if i ever wanted 2 talk 2 him about it.. he's very interested 2 learn of my other problems now bcuz "he duznt want me 2 hurt" which is very cute.. he's takin it well & im happy i told him bcuz it made him c y i was the way i was 2wards guys..

i never did press charges, i never did anything about it actually, let alone seek professional help.. i was so scared bcuz i thought i would b looked down apon & its taken me this long 2 realize that wut he did was wrong.. i was stupid @ the time 2 just let it go but like u said, its been so long now & 4 the most part, i guess u could say i have moved on.. its one of those things that i have come 2 realize that it will always b there but life duznt have 2 revolve around it.. thank you again.. talkin about it really duz help, even if im talkin w/ people i dont kno.. i think that makes it easier...

Posts: 4 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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