Ok, Here goes, ur about 2 enter the world of the most intimate secret i have carried 4 years. the things is this: ever since i was 10 years of age and my parents got divorced, i used 2 come home and as an outlet, take the form of what i see on tv. I would be watching a tv show and then i would record it on the VCR and then learn all of the dialogs and then imitate them locked in my room along with the tv. i started with three's comapny and i recorded like 80 episodes, then i moved 2 movies and started imitating from easy going movies like "Annie" 2 drama movies. I have probably imitated more than a thousand movies thru the year locked in my bedroom. Sometimes i would imitate like an action movie and u could hear me rolling all over the floor or if it where the movie "The Hours" u would see me get real depressed. All of this made me lose my identity and not know who i am. I still dont know who i am and is something taht i strugle with alot 'cuz im now in my first year of college, im 18, and i dont know much about my self because i lost my self. I dont know who Stephanie is anymore because of all this characters that take all over me when im imitating them. I know im not "Gandalf from the lord of the rings" i know im not "tracy from the movie thirteen" all this characters. And sometimes i can't stay with my friends after school 'cuz i want 2 come home 2 imitate. It's become an addiction. I wants 2 stop...well, actually i dont want 2 but i know i have 2, i want 2 know who i am so badly. How can I stop and be my self again? I know i dont have a double personality because i am aware of what im doing. Today Im Cindy Lauper. Am I weird or have I gone mad???
Considering from your other post you have also apparently been self-injuring since you were a toddler, I would absolutly advise you start getting some counseling.
Likely, it might take a few tries to find a counselor which is right for you, so in the interim, the obvious step is to PUT THE TV AWAY.
Really. Roll it out of your room (heck, give it to the Salvation Army: TV is such a trap anyway), and start finding other things to do. Read. take walks. Hang out with friends. Work on your schoolwork. Pick up new hobbies. Get some exercise.
Since you're at college, I'd suggest you start seeking out counseling per your student health services.
I hope this doesn't sound completely bizarre or wildly inappropriate, but have you thought about getting involved in theater? It'd be a much healthier and more social outlet for your desire to take on other roles. Or what about writing? You can make a career out of writing obsessively. It's also a good way to get some introspection. If you're trying to figure out who you are maybe some free writing would help.
Sorry if this sounds like it's coming out of left feild but this was what popped into my head almost imediately after I read your post. College is a good place to experiment with these right brain types of activities if you didn't get many opportunities in high school. It's also a good place to establish a new identity. So, on top of Ms. Scarlet's excellent advice, I hope this is remotely helpful. Something to consider at least.
Hey, this is really cool I read this, because I recently talked with my dad who said he has had this problem his whole life, until he got into therapy and got some help. He said he had 'narcisissm' I believe, and that famous people like Winston Churchill and someone else had it too. My dad said he'd read books and then go around pretending he was characters in them, and he never told anyone until my mom kept noticing doing it and he couldnt deny it any longer.
So I'd recommend talking to a counselor about it. Good luck, and don't lose hope!
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