Sex seems to be everywhere... My bf and i are thinking about it, but I'm worried about what it will do to us, me, him, etc. I just want to hear how it turned out for other people, ya know? I want to be assured that having sex is ok... I mentioned this in ask scarleteen and they said they would move my question to "Its all about you", but I checked and they never moved it there. I looked into that site and realized that it wasn't a good place to ask anyways... I just want some Real throughts from Real people, because the regular net isn't helpping. When searching for advice, all I get is don't do it or your life WILL change forever... these people seem insane... Like Sex Nazis (I hope that doesn't offend anyone, my calling them that). So some sisterly or brotherly advice would be really nice... Thanx for reading...
Posts: 15 | From: Ca. USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Black Light Bulb: I want to be assured that having sex is ok...
Having sex is "OK", but not having sex is "OK" as well
I'm just going to start out by saying sex definitely does not have the same effect on everyone. Some people will tell you it was a life-changing event, while others find that it simply wasn't. Personally, I 'thought" it was going to be a huge deal..that afterwards I was going to look in the mirror and see a completely changed person. However, for me, it was quite the opposite. I didn't "feel" any different. I think this may vary from person to person depending on the type of relationship you have with the person you first have sex with. My boyfriend and I had been together for about one and a half years before we had sex for the first time. It was a big deal to me, hence the reason I waited. Has it changed our relationship? Slightly, but hardly to a point where I would notice. It was a little different at first, but now, I would never say I notice a difference. I hope that makes sense. The point is, everyone is different. The main point is: do what you do for you, never for anyone else. Don't refrain from doing something you want to do just because of what you "think" people will think of you. Be yourself. Be real. Live your life for you, and no one else.
Wow, wouldn't that be easy, if to change your life forever, all you had to do was to have sex?
(My apologies for spacing out moving the thread, by the way.)
Obviously, sometimes it can be a big-lifechanger. Becoming pregnant or contracting an STI are the easy ones, but sexual violence or coersion, or even just discovering that sex isn't what one expects at a given time, or that it does change a relationship have the potential to alter one's path.
But you know, so long as you are being as responsible as possible, so long as your expectations are realistic and so long as you and your partner are really talking about all your concerns and worries, about what each of you expects or wants, the works.
And the thing is: that's really the case the 1st time or the 361st time. And intercourse isn't all the different from other types of sex in this regard either, save pregnancy issues. ANY type of sex may or may not be a huge-deal or life-altering; at any time in one's life it may or may not have that capacity, whether you're 16 or 40.
There are statistics (and common experience) that show that for a lot of young couples, getting sexually involved can and does change things, even to the point of being something that ends a relationship (though I'd posit that's less about the sex itself and more about risks, expectations, lack of communication or both partners really feeling ready), but really, that's the case with older people, too. Likely, it only happens less with older people because sex is already a normalized part of their lives. And those changes, when they do occur, may not onyly be negative, either.
Point is: there's no guarantee with this stuff, just like there's no guarantee that one partner getting a scholarship, moving a town away, getting new friends won't change things. Life is constant change, after all, and relationships are no exception, no matter what you do.
Thank you guys for replying. You both make perfect sense and that helpped a lot. Luckly my bf and I are talkers... Before we started dating we would spend lots of time talking, sometimes for three hours. i guess that is what attracted me to him most, because he could keep up with my takitive side. I know before we actually have sex, we will probably talk it throuhg, I guess my fears are just what could happen in the future. I see my dad today and probably will ask him about his expierence and this will also help....
Thank you again to all that have replied and to anyone else that feels the need to reply. I really appreciate hearing REAL opinions.
(Bear in mind that those of the opinion that any young adult or premarital sex is disastrous and/or morally wrong do have "real" opinions. Those opinions, while they may not be mine or yours, are as real as any other. What's happened politically in this country as a result of many in power having those particular -- and very real -- opinions makes their reality pretty obvious.)
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