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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » am i selfish?

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Author Topic: am i selfish?
Member # 20332

Icon 5 posted      Profile for skittlez     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
ok.. i don't know if i'm being selfish or if its just my way of coping with a loss. WEll this is how it started.. like on two days ago.. i found out that one of my friend (didn't know him that well) passed away b/c he fell from playing basketball. So yah.. and like when everyone returned from school, everyone was in crying and balling.. and yes crying is okay. but to me...i did feel sad.. but like after thrity min. later, i was back to normal... feeling my cheerful self.. one thing that got on my nerves was.. why can't everyone just stop crying.. its not gonna make a difference.. they're gone then they're gone.. also i do understand that the closer u are to that person.. the deeper ur hurt and it is harder for u to get over it, but stil........ somehow that just really bothered me.. i don't know where i'm going from this.. but am i just being a little narrow minded.. then one more thing.. this stupid idoit told me that i was "selfish" b/c i didn't "cry" so i told that punk everyone grief in their own way... then another case is that my bf also knows this person too (he knows him as well as i do), it seems like he's sad for our friend's death, but still..i feel so bad because i don't know how to comfort him (although i'm by his side all the time) it feels like i'm not doing enough. It feels like he's just pushing me away and don't even care.. i know how he feels and all.. but still.. the same thing keeps on reflecting back... like hey what about me?.....i feel like i don't understand all of this kind of emotion.. or just can't feel any emotion... in some ways i feel angry and sad that our friend passed away...also alone.. Even though there's so a support group out there for us to talk to and friends to comfort us.. ... i still feel alone... like i'm an outcast or just i don't know... makes me feel like nobody out there to heal my wound... i don't kow... i just don't know... this is all confusing.. sorrry to whoever is reading this for not understandinng me....
Posts: 28 | From: CA | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 3

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You're right: everyone processes grief differently.

So, it may be for you that crying isn't part of your processing, or, it may be that your crying will come later, not now. That's pretty normal. It's also normal to feel angry.

And it can be hard when you're grieving, but not in the way everyone else seems to be. But trying to have a little more compassion for THEIR style of grief might alsmo help you feel better, and get more support with, your own.

It's not selfish not to cry. But it is common for people not to understand the way another might grieve, as you've experienced both ways with this situation.

No one else can heal our wounds: usually, they just take time.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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