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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » dating after rape

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Author Topic: dating after rape
Member # 19173

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Hi everyone....I'm 18 years old, and I just need some advice on how to handle relationships once i've had a history of rape and sexual abuse. I'd rather not tell my partner of my past experiences, but we have been together for a few months now, and I think that he is starting to wonder why i get so jumpy when we're together. We haven't had sex yet, but we've discussed it as a possibility. I've never had consentual sex before, and I'm pretty nervous even though i really really trust him. I get shaky whenever he touches me in a sexual way, and sometimes when we're just kissing. Has anyone gone through this before? How did you handle it? Thanks for listening everybody.
Posts: 1 | From: Texas, US | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 3

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Ultimately, if you don't feel able to tell your partner your history, the chances are pretty darn good sex is not going to be enjoyable for you and may even be traumatic... for both of you.

You may have triggers, and you'll need to be able to work with a partner to work through them. You may discover in the middle of something wonderful that you need to stop RIGHT then, with no easily identifiable reason, and if your partner isn't ready for that or can't know why, he's going to feel very confused and lost and upset. Sounds like he is already.

Have you had any counseling at all? A support group?

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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