About a year ago, I was in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend.. for a year & a half. He abused me.. physically, mentally and he raped me more times than I can count on one hand, not only was he on top of me but anal too. He called me names, pushed me down a flight of stairs and everything you could name I've probably faced. It's a long story, but that is the just of it. *sighs* I left him a year ago. I am now dating again. I'm with my bestfriend. He was by my side the last part of me & my ex-boyfriend's relationship because I started to tell him what he was putting me through and he was starting to see it more and more. So he knows all that went on. And we've been together 10 months. I'm happy. Happier than I've ever been with anyone. I've never felt this way and it scares me. At the start of our relationship I wouldn't let him touch me, and the minute he raised his voice (even a little) made me run away and hide or break down crying. I wouldn't let myself trust him or even let myself open up to him when it came down to a relationship. I'm still protecting myself, even after 10 months. I have flashbacks, I don't sleep well, and I still don't let guys touch me too much at all. I have a healthy fear of guys to an extent. I'm not much for public now, I panic. I cry a lot and I am just tired of all of my relationships suffering for what my ex-boyfriend put me through and i don't know how to get past all of this. I don't know what to do anymore to make this better. Every time I have a flashback around my boyfriend, he blames himself. My problems & fears affect our relationship and I am tired of it. I need help and I need to know some advice.. I need something...
And now, my parents aren't getting along, they fight and bitch at each other and dad sticks me in the middle of it and I just am about ready to blow out everything that is bothering me because I can't do it anymore!
The police officers should have referred you to women's and rape crisis counseling services.
Absolutely YES: what you're feeling is normal and very common. But it's also normal and common to have a seriously hard time working through it with NO qualified support, or at least support from people who have been through what you have. It can happen, but when it does, it usually takes a LOT longer and is far harder than it needs to be.
Check out your local phone book, look for women's health services, women's meantal health services, abuse and women's shelters. Call around. Ask if someone can refer you to resources and support for abuse and rape survivors, and they'll likely be able to pretty easily. sadly, there are a whole honking lot of us in the world.
It'll help more than you can imagine, I absolutely promise.
In the meantime, books like Staci Haines "The Survivor's Guide to Sex," may also be of a lot of help.
I want help. I want to fix all of this. But I can't. I'm almost 16 and my parents don't know what happened. My mom knows that he hit me but that's all she knows and that's all I want her to know. *sobs* My parents will flip out and want to press charges or whatever they would want to do and I don't want that. I just want the flashbacks to go away and all these feelings to go away.. I could careless where he is or what he's doing or whether or not he pays for what he's done. I just want to heal. But I'm scared and they can't know..
It's RAINN, the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network. You can talk to someone about it -- they don't tell anybody (including your parents), they just listen...and get you help. Their website: http://www.rainn.org/
(<3 tori amos)
------------------ would you forgive me, love, if I danced in your shower?
I think you should be able to get confidential help from these kind of services, even if you are 15, so I don't think getting help has to mean telling your parents - can someone clarify what a 15-year-old (and younger people for that matter) can expect from these services in the US?
------------------ Londongirl University Student
[This message has been edited by Londongirl (edited 07-05-2004).]
Again, as ookuotoe said, if you give us your city or county, we can help set you in the right direction to get help.
But one of the first things a counselor is likely to tell you is that you can't just make all of this go away. It's sure normal to want to, who wouldn't?
But like anything else, you have to go through and experience the process, you've got to have a way to grieve, work through any shame you feel, and eventually -- that may be a lon time from now -- be able to talk to people close to you about it. It'll happen -- really, it usually does. But trying to just push it all away, natural as it is, tends not to work.
The very best thing appears to be RAVE (Relief After Violent Encounter) in Owosso. They assist both domestic violence & sexual assault survivors with \emergency shelters, legal advocacy, individual & group therapy/counseling, sexual assault counseling, and the works.
Phone: (989) 723-9716 Hotline: (989) 725-9444
The U of M in Flint has a women's center that may be able to help with referring you to resources close to you: (810) 766-6714
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