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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Change...

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Author Topic: Change...
Member # 16533

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I have lived as a "Gay" male for about 4 years now. I am only 17 yrs old....And I am thinking of..just changing my ways. I know you cant change who you are, but I AM attracted to girls more and more each day...and getting less attracted to males. My question is, has anyone here sucessfully did this transition? I mean, I think I can do it..because all I want out of life is a Wife and kids, you know the American Dream...and this whole gay thing is'nt my dream.



Posts: 6 | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 8067

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Some people do find that their sexual orientation naturally changes and evolves throughout their life.

However, that doesn't mean that you can force your sexual orientation to change by willing it, let alone "just change your ways".

all I want out of life is a Wife and kids, you know the American Dream...and this whole gay thing is'nt my dream.

Well, you can have a partner and kids whether you're with a man or a woman!

What you seem to be saying is that the "American Dream" belongs exclusively to heterosexuals, and that gay, lesbian, bi (or unmarried heterosexual) people have second-class lives. Do you really believe that?

And what "whole gay thing"? Gay, lesbian and bisexual people lead very diverse lives - there's no "gay lifestyle" that all queer people have to lead.

I suggest that you take a look at Milke's advice to you at . You've talked a lot about being ashamed about being with guys, and feeling that only a straight life would be "normal".

So I think you really need to take a look at your own beliefs and the pressures you're putting on yourself.

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 17924

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It's perfectly normal to change your sexual orientation. My cousin declared to his mom one day that he was gay, but after a week decided he'd go back to being straight! No matter how long its been, it's never too late to change.
Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(minor niggle)

It's perfectly normal to change your sexual ID. Especially in the teens.

But actual orientation, while *somewhat* fluid, tends not to rocket back and forth in that way at all. When shifts occur, they're often very gradual, spanning a few years or even decades, and certainly not flip-flopping between a state of having all attraction to same-sex then having absolutely none.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 18235

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It seems to me that if you have some attraction to both genders you may find yourself in a position to choose. Also, even if you are only attracted to one gender, you don't have to act on it if that makes you uncomfortable. What bugs me most is people who say you have to act on homosexual attractions if you have them, or those who imply that if you have an attraction to a member of the same sex, you must be gay.

But whatever you do, I think you have the right to make the decision based on your own feelings, not on what other people think.

University Student

Posts: 352 | From: UK | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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