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I am fifteen years old and am currently in a relationship with an adult (who is eighteen)and that my parents do not approve of. They are telling me that it is illegal for him to TOUCH me and that they can send him to jail if he does. Is this true? Posts: 90 | From: Under the California Sun | Registered: Dec 2003
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In California, YES. If your folks want to press charges, they can! and depending on what they can charge him with, at the very worst, he can wind up with sex-offender status. That's a life-long label, and it's pretty damning.
BruinDan will come in shortly and explain everything. he's got a lot of experience in this field.
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Isnt it only illegal for him to touch me sexually? And if i am not saying "no" to any contact that he has with me, then it isnt sexual harassment or anything, right?
Posts: 90 | From: Under the California Sun | Registered: Dec 2003
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quote:Originally posted by curemyheart: They are telling me that it is illegal for him to TOUCH me and that they can send him to jail if he does. Is this true?
This is true.
If he's 18 and you're 15, anything he does with you, (and I mean <i>anything</i> ) is prohibited by law. This also means that your parents, who maintain responsibility over you and your behavior until you are 18, can take him to court even if you don't want to.
We could go on and on about how we feel about Age of Consent legislation, but that would do no good here. It's the law of the land, and though it varies by state, there is a reason California is referred to by some as the "nanny state."
Part of the reason AoC violations are sucha big deal is that they are one of the few crimes that can result in having to register with local authorities for the rest of your life. In California, only sex, arson, and serious drug offenses require registration with your local police agency. In the case of sex offenses, Penal Code section 290 states you need to register within 5 days of your birthday for every year as long as you live. And that goes for whatever state you live in. There are also restrictions on the types of jobs you can have, where you can live, and even where you can hang out. Talk about restrictive! You do NOT want to get in trouble (or get someone else in trouble) with the law where sex offenses are concerned.
So the bottom line here is that you are playing with fire. I wouldn't call your parents' bluff on this one. It's happened quite often in the past where the teen didn't want to press charges but the parents did anyway, and I've got no reason to doubt it will happen here either. One thing you've got working against you is the magical penal code secion 647.6, which is sort of "catch-all" that allows for him to be convicted of a misdemeanor for even hanging around you against the wishes of your parents. That section is so broad it can be used for almost anything, from being touched by him to receiving contact from him against the wishes of your parents. It really would not take much to cross that treshold, which is why I'd urge you right now to take a step back before someone here gets in serious hot water.
Mind you, it only gets worse from there. Section 647.6 is a misdemeanor, but things like 288(a) and 261.5 are high-grade felonies. While 647.6 will get you one year in county jail, the latter two will get you a long stint in state prison. And I don't know about you, but I certainly don't think this guy would like to be spending any serious amounts of time in Corcoran or Folsom!
We really can't stress enough the importance of staying on the right side of the law here. I know all about how unfair you think it is, but the law rarely works the way we feel it should. And as it stands now, if you really care about this guy, you'll do everything you can not to get him sent to jail. Right?
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i just turned 16 2 months ago but i was and am in the same situation. i honestly love my man he was my 1st and my mom feels the same way your parents feel. but i think that it is worth the risk because we love each other and have been through a lot. if you feel the same way then so be it, just dont do something youll regret like getting pregnant. they really have nothing to take him to cort with because if you are having sex there is no proof and i know i sound really messed up but it is the truth, why should parents decide who we date its our life not theirs. i bet if you ask them if they ever dated anyone older than them in their teen years they will say yes
Posts: 10 | From: bronx | Registered: Mar 2004
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untamedpannies, did you read any of the info in BruinDan's post? Because, really, he makes good points. Regardless of your own personal beliefs regarding the age of consent system, it still remains that sex with or between minors is illegal. If you want to discuss whether or not you think that's right, we have a number of threads in the Sex Ethics and Politics section of the board dealing with that, but in the meantime, advising people to flaunt the laws is, as BruinDan put it, "playing with fire".
Posts: 1679 | From: London, ON | Registered: Jan 2003
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If you really care about your lover, I would hope you'd care enough NOT to get them in trouble with the law.
danger and drama may seem romantic and thrilling, but at the end of the day, how would you feel if your actions were responsible for sending someone you cared about to prison?
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Curemyheart, I know EXACTLY how you feel, but I also know that BruinDan is exactly right. When I was fourteen and for a while when I turned 15, I was dating a 20 year old man. My parents severely disapproved and my Uncle, an ex-cop here in Georgia, called in a favor and got the police to take my boyfriend aside and explain to him the laws and the risks he was taking by dating me, especially since he was already on probation for theft. I cared alot about him, which is why I stopped seeing him. It's a hard decision to make, but it's better for both of you to wait and abide by the law. For a while, me and my guy were stubborn about it, but we eventually decided that if we couldn't wait and be together legally, we weren't meant to be together at all.
UntamedPannie- If you aren't willing to back off to protect him, how can you say you care about him?
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I am basically just waiting. It is a really long story how i got to the point in this reltationship. In the beginning my parents said that it would be alright for us to have a relationship. Then they magically changed their minds. I am aware that it would be best for Anthony and I to break up, but i am seriously in love. Although, I know that if we are meant to be, we'll be and any break ups arent going to stop that. But...nothing serious has happened with the law, and i doubt they ever will. I just think my parents were trying to give me a scare. It didnt really seem to work. They basically just want me to wait until i am a little bit older. Thanks for all of your opinions and information on the law!
Posts: 90 | From: Under the California Sun | Registered: Dec 2003
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and depending on what they can charge him with, at the very worst, he can wind up with sex-offender status. That's a life-long label, and it's pretty damning.
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