Me and my best friend were talking last night. I told him I could get treatment for my scars that I have from cutting myself if I didn't for six months.
He said, "Promise me" and then didn't say anything else and I asked, "Promise what?" and he said, "That there won't be any more." and then said that if I ever wanted to, I could call him, if it was in the middle of the night, in school, in church, anytime I needed to. I said, "I can't promise that there won't be any more, but I promise that I'll call you and you know that I already try not to. I'm sorry, but I can't make a promise I don't know I can keep."
Was that the right thing to do??? I mean, yes, I do want to stop really really badly and I'm getting help. I'm on meds for depression and I have totally kickass therapist that I've been seeing for about five months now..wow it's been that long? Anyway. It's been two weeks since the last time I cut.
I was just scared that I WOULD cut at some point and then I would feel bad for breaking my promise, and he'd feel bad because I broke it, and I just can't see that being a good thing. But now I feel like crap for not promising to stop. I mean, I've been a cutter for two years and I'm just now starting to really get it under control.
Help? I didn't want to put this in the support thread, because it's more of friendship issue than anything else, but feel free to move it if need be.
quote:Originally posted by CorsetFetish: I didn't want to put this in the support thread, because it's more of friendship issue than anything else, but feel free to move it if need be.
I guess I can see both sides of this one. I mean, your friend was making a touching gesture of going out on a limb to help you in a time of need, and you were making sure you didn't wind up lying to him by making a promise you might not be able to keep. It's sort of a touchy situation I guess, but what's done is done.
What I think is important here is the recognition that this friend is someone well worth hanging on to. He seems genuinely concerned about your well-being, and a friend like that is a great asset to have, especially in troubled times. Whether or not you made him any promises, that friendship is something I'd work very hard to keep up. Folks like that are few and far between!
As far as the cutting goes in regards to this friendship, I think that might actually work better in a forum where more people have experience with such a thing. There are a great many things I don't know much about, and cutting/self-injury is one of them. And I'm not going to pretend I know something that I don't, rather I will transfer this forum over to the real pros over in Support Groups.
Hang in there, and hang on to this friend! He sounds to me like a winner.
I've been seeing my therapist for almost a year now, and I also am depressed and cut. I think you did exactly the right thing! I commend you for making such a strong statement and not lying just to make him happy. My boyfriend has issues with me cutting, and I always feel guilty telling him, even though he is always very loving and supportive, especially since I tried to commit suicide and he now knows the alternative, but I still feel like I'm letting him down or something by doing it. Anyway, enough about me, you did just the right thing, take it from someone who knows and is there.
Posts: 5 | From: Wilmington, NC, USA | Registered: May 2004
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Before I turned 14, I was cutting myself. Always at night, though there was times when my parents caught me in the act. My mother put me on a different depression medication. I was forced to be put in a family counceling room for 4 1/2 weeks. When I mean "put" in one, I mean like having to stay the night to make sure I wasn't going to do this certain dangerous act again.
After being out of the counceling room, my best friend called and asked my why I wasn't at school and I told her it was because my mom thought I was going crazy. I told her the truth. She wanted to know how, I told her that I was cutting myself and at the moment I said that she burst into tears on the phone. She told me she was afraid that was going to be my answer. We didn't talk anymore of this until a month later. She made me promise that I wouldn't. I said the same thing you did, and she told me that wasn't good enough. I told her the only thing I could at that moment: "Ashley, I have been your friend for 7 years. I have kept promised, yes, but as you and I know, we have also broken them. I do not want to have to break another promise to you. I can TRY to stop, and yes, I probably will." She understood, and I have quit cutting.
I think what you did was an excellent thing to say because you are being honest. I believe being honest is more important than breaking a promise that may never be able to be kept. I hope this helped you.
Posts: 6 | From: Jackson, Missouri, United States | Registered: Jun 2004
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I started cutting my first year of college second semester and then stopped about a year later.
It was never bad, more like scratches really, but I do understand the urge. I wanted to stop after that first semester I started so I promised myself I would, and then I broke that promise when fall came around.
Promising to try takes a lot more pressure off of the situation than saying to yourself that you will do it. And when you do break that promise, it will only make things feel worse. It's like the promise of not doing it at all makes the load too much so I think you did the right thing.
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