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Author Topic: Anal Sex With A Stranger
NorahDiamond
Neophyte
Member # 17826

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Okay, so this is no way as serious as other people's concerns, but anyway .. got extremely drunk, went home with a guy I wanted to have sex with, was in no fit state to do so & we had anal sex. Never done it before. Feel stupid, used & very dirty. Dont know what he must think of me? Dont understand why it happened? Got the impression he doesnt usually do that. dont think anal sex is dirty, just feel really terrible. I know what's done is done, but keep having awful mental images of the anal sex. I guess there's no real advice anyone can give me, but has anyone else been in a similar situation? (makes it worse that he was a stranger.)
Posts: 1 | From: UK | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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First things first: if it was unprotected, please be sure you stay current with your STD and STI screens. Not only is it critical for your health, taking care of that aspect of things may provide you with some comfort.

You know, when I was -- gosh -- 16? I wasn't drunk, I didn't in any palatable way have my judgment impaired, I just went on this walk with this guy I had just met, though I'd seen him around, to the beach. It was pretty obvious, before we even got there, that he couldn't have given a whoop about me as a person, and all the same, I ended up giving him head behind a rock. And had you asked me then, I couldn't have told you why on earth I did it. I didn't get anything out of it, I felt kinda yucky afterwards, used, and just... dumb. It was one of those things one does that has no real rhyme or reason, that really shouldn't have happened because it was elective, yet I elected into something that offerred me zippo.

In hindsight? I was curious, not about the oral sex, I'd been there before plenty, but about the seeming adventure of the thing, about being calavier and being treated cavalierly. I was likely also curious about what it was to willingly go off with a stranger and say yes for the hell of it. Maybe curious about what might be thought of me, how I might be treated if I did. But truth be told, still can't really explain it. The icky feeling passed pretty fast, and it's something that at 34, I didn't even think about again until I saw your post just now.

Since then, there have been plenty of times in my life I've had casual sex with people I didn't know super-well, but the vibe was different. They clearly were interested in me as a whole person. I knew it was something I wanted to do and that I'd enjoy myself and be right as rain in the morning. Where we did have a connection, and I did have better reasons for getting involved than a mere lapse in judgement and a "what the hell" mentality. Where chances were good that even if I didn't sleep with that persdn again, I could see them around, be friendly, even develop a friendship.

In short? You live, you learn. You don't get to know what someone like that thought, and really, it doesn't matter much. You know how you feel now, you make choices that serve you better hencforth.

I don't mean to sound dismissive, because I'm not dismissing how you feel at all. Instead, I'm telling you not to beat yourself up over it, or attach a value or feeling to a certrain sexual activity that was really about a whole situation. Who knows, maybe at some point you'll have a partner with whom anal sex is appealing and with whom the flavor of the thing is a whole lot different. or perhaps not. (And with anal sex in particular, to be honest, if you were drunk and he didn't know you, it's safe to say it was likely not very pleasant: anal sex is one of those things that requores a good deal of communication and pteience to be pleasurable for most.)

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
untamedpannies
Neophyte
Member # 17438

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hey girl u kno i've had anal sex before, but like you, to me it was not something enjoyable i was at a party and i met this really hott guy, since then we started seeing each other on the regular bases. he was cute, smart, and athletic... but he had a sexual fetish which was to do a girl in the butt. im a virgin and wasnt planning anything with sex yet, but he kept asking and begging telling me how mutch more he would like me if i did it, and finally i was drunk enough to let him do it. afterwards i felt so dirty and ashamed that i couldnt look at him. until i found out he told his friends. that drew the anger out of me, and i told my mom who told his parents, and got me tested for hiv because we did it without protection. the period of time i waited for those results were the lomgest but it came out negative. i learned my lesson never do anything you dont wanna do.
Posts: 10 | From: bronx | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MNtomboy
Neophyte
Member # 18136

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Oh my gosh I just read this post and I know it's a book, but just about the same thing happens in Rainbow Boys. I read it just a few days ago, and it was really good. This problem arises (um... except it was 2 guys) and the the one boy realized he was totally used and he gets depressed. Um... I don't know if I'm suppose to recommend books, but I can't really relate at all, besides that I read this book that has something a lot alike happen.

[This message has been edited by MNtomboy (edited 05-15-2004).]


Posts: 9 | From: Near St.Paul, MN | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jeangenie
Activist
Member # 16168

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One time, the day of a party I was having lunch with some friends and the waiter was pretty hot and hit on me so we invited him to the party. I got incredibly drunk and ended up having sex with him on our porch with like 30 people in the living room right next to it. I felt really dirty about it, I love casual sex, but I didn't really want to sleep with him I was just too drunk to tell him no, yes seemed simpler at the time. I havn't had sex drunk since.
Those situations can really be awful, but we live and learn from them. Hold your head up. You're no less of a person for what happened, you just had a bad experience. Good luck

Posts: 53 | From: Austin, TX, USA | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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