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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Father cheating on mother...don't know what to do.

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Author Topic: Father cheating on mother...don't know what to do.
herecomestheson
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Well for the past while I know my dad's been sexually frustrated. When I checked the internet history there would be tons of porn sites and everything. Fair enough. Last week however there's been visits to local escort sites, which I'm guessing, and I may be somewhat off, is legalized prostitution in some sense. He visited the section where it asks for your credit card info and this was during this weekend when I was away for two days. I have never had a good relationship with my dad in the first place but the thought of him cheating on my mother kills me. Should I tell my mother about this? I don't want to be responsible for the break up of my family. I'm just so confused and angered with my dad that I don't know what to do.
Posts: 72 | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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How about talking to your Dad first?
I know it's not easy, especially if you don't have a great relationships to start out with, but telling him what you've said here could be of great help. And perhaps telling him it is HIS duty to come clean with your mother would be the best approach, because really, it is his responsibility, not yours.

I'm sorry you have this going on, love. Something like this is incredibly hard, especially when you're standing outside of it, but yet still so strongly a part of it all.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
herecomestheson
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I am talking to a family friend who is closer to me than my actual parents. The man used to be a priest at a jail at one point. I am confident he won't inform my mother. With all that aside I know I'll have to end up confronting my father about it, but at what cost? My sister is younger then me and will not be able to leave the house like I am able to this summer. So if a separation does in fact occur the guilt I would feel would be immense. And I know it's not my fault, its my ***hole dad's, but shouldn't some things be left unsaid? My mother's heart would literally break considering that she loves my dad immensely and also the fact that her best friends have recently had husbands and wives who cheated on them. In fact, the way my dad and her met was due to the fact my dad's first marriage ended when his wife cheated on him. How hypocritical. How selfish. Twenty years of being together and he would risk doing this. I know that I will end up confronting him about it and make him tell my mother...I don't think sexual frustration is just something you can turn off like a light switch...but I'm terribly confused and this is an annoying burden in my last two months of high school.

[This message has been edited by herecomestheson (edited 04-27-2003).]


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Heather
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I honestly think that whatever feels best to you in terms of handling this is an okay way to handle this, son.

Mind you, you still don't know if he's done anything but web surfing, so I really would bear that in mind. A lot of those escort sites have loads of photo pages people cruise without ever making appointments (and many escort services are just that -- no prostitution is involved).

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
herecomestheson
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Well I confronted him about it, he told my mother...and now they are getting separated. I just don't know what to think at this point. I'm emotionally exhausted and, even though I made this whole thing seem pretty simple on this site, it has wrecked the family. He actually set up a local profile online which said things, as well as other things he did behind my mother's back. My father is looking into apartments and my mother, sister, and myself have to move elsewhere. It wasn't just this one situation...it was his general demeanour. I kind of wonder (and I know it's not my fault) that if I hadn't said anything whether or not it would have been this severe. Such is life I guess.

[This message has been edited by herecomestheson (edited 05-04-2003).]


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Intense Awakenings
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Wow, that's pretty rough, sweety. I really hope everything goes over well. Maybe it's for the best. Things happen for a reason. At least it wasn't sooner in your life. My dad cheated on my mom when I was five yers old and now I never see or talk to my dad. The last time I seen my dad, he asked to borrow some money since I was working. I loaned it to him, and he bought crystal-meth with it and I never seen or heard from him since that.

If you need someone to talk to, just add me to your AIM buddy list if you have AIM. (--edited--). I am so sorry that you're having to go through this, but maybe it will help if you talk with someone else who has gone through this.

Note from the Smurf: Amanda you've been here enough to know we do not allow users to give out any personal information ... ie; contact info. It's really for everyone's safety. Behave yourself, please?

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Love,
Amanda
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"Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."

[This message has been edited by LilBlueSmurf (edited 05-05-2003).]


Posts: 33 | From: Lancaster, Ca, USA | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I'm so terribly sorry.

But it's important tthat you recognize that it was your fathers ACTIONS, not your disclosure to him about finding out about them, that is what created this scenario. If your family is wrecked, it not only wasn't your doing, it's been wrecked for some time.

However responsible we may feel, the truth of the matter is that children are not responsible for the health and well-being of their parents relationships. It takes a long time to learn that, and it often feels so much the opposite, but it's so. It's a parents job to take care of their children, not the other way round.

It's also worth recognizing that no one having a spouse who lies to them or cheats on them is in their best interest.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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Intense Awakenings
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Sorry, Smurf, I actually didn't realize we weren't allowed to give out our screennames for certain buddy systems, I apologize.

I totally agree with Miz Scarlet. It's not your fault, it's his fault since they were his actions. Everyone has a chance to choose in any given situation like this involving adultery, how they choose is entirely up to them. Don't blame yourself for something you had no control over. Good luck with all of this.

------------------

Love,
Amanda
-----------
"Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."


Posts: 33 | From: Lancaster, Ca, USA | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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