Ok this might end up being kinda long for please for give me, a few months back my partner tried to kill me by suffocation and raped me during the process she did this because i was too tired for make love and she wanted to make love, I tried to forget about it and carry on but it's always been in my mind ever since we are no longer together and for some reason i miss her, well i do know the reason its cause i still have feelings for her, but when i think of her I think of what she did, i've told friend and family but they don't say anything no words of encouragemetn just say "i told you so"
It really bringing me down and i'm not sure what i can do about it
To be honest with you, you do not forget about rape and attempted murder. That is just never going to happen. Probably not for the whole of your life, and certainly not over a couple of months.
Nor do you even consider getting back together with someone who did such. In fact, you need to call your local authorities: if she did this to you, she can do this to others.
And Kev, I feel pretty confident with how long you've been at Scarleteen saying that you really, really need some support and counseling. I'm sure we've suggested it before, but I truly suggest it now, for a handful of reasons.
One, rape victims need that support to be able to work through it and move on. Two, I'm conncerned about your menttal health and well-being if you still have romantic feelings for someone who did these things to you, because that honestly confounds me. What it says to me is that the troubles you've had in the past with self-esteem and with understanding that you get boundaries hasn't gotten any better and it may well be putting you in harms way (and likely has -- I know that when this relationships was beginning and going on, many volunteers and users posted urging you to terminate this relationship and look out for yourself when you'd noted other very negative experiences and warning signs, and clearly, you either wouldn't see them or didn't want to, and that's a problem).
So, please, please get some real-time counseling ASAP. I can't urge you to do it enough.
I understand what you've said and I do plan to get some counselling, I have recived counselling in the past and to be honest i don't really know if it helped me at all maybe it did in the short term.
When i said i had feelings for her I didn't mean like Love more of a longing for the good times we had and wish it never happened, me and my partner are no longer together anymore, due to what happend and things were getting worse and i was afraid it happening again.
What makes it so hard to speak to my doctor about getting her is simply because i'm male and you don't hear of male rape that often.
but i guess this is the first step to coping with it ??
[This message has been edited by KevMez2002 (edited 02-28-2003).]
Male rape is less common than the rape of women, for numerous reasons, but that does not mean it doesn't happen, by any stretch of the imagination. It very much does happen.
Some of why you don't hear it that often though, is that while sadly few women report rapes, fewer still men do, and reporting is essentially not just for you: it's a help for everyone long-term in getting things out front where we all can see them. It's a way of being able to have cases to address so that more people can realize that men do also get raped and sexually assulted (and domestically abused), and so that issue can begin to really get addressed.
Counseling usually is about what you put into it. So, if you refuse to hear things or really deal with issues, a therapist can't wave a magic wand and fix them. It's often hard work and sometimes painful, but most of the work is yours. And based on your history Kev, I'd say there are quite a few things in your tenure here you just really have yet been willing to address and handle in a healthy way, so I'd give it another shot.
I'd start not with your doctor, but with a rape counselor or hotline. You'll note on that link above that there are a heck of a alot of local resources there for your use.
I just wanted to say thank for that link it's really helped me, there was a site in uk not too far from me that had a lot of usefull information and people had sent in there experiences and how they delt or are dealing with it.
I am more clear on why it so important to get help now, so i don't suffer later.
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