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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » my mom hates me..and more...(help)

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Author Topic: my mom hates me..and more...(help)
Member # 11398

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Why do parents get mad at their children (mainly teenagers) for most children's attitude? i don't understand it? "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" that is true..and i know it for a fact...parents raise their childrenand it is the parents fault

My mom pratically raised me and she has an attitude..i have an attitude and admit it..but only when she does or when someone makes me mom will come home w/ an
attitude and i will get it. she is stupid she doesn’t realize i have the EXACT same
attitude...i don’t stop talking..neither does she. i yell to get my point across to someone,so does she..and its a fact she proved it to me today she used an exact phrase i’ve used
“i’m yelling because thats the only way you will listen ” (or get the point across) i’ve used the exact same phrase..before today even. and its getting really annoying..i get it when she gets it..i’ll be mad at something and she’ll get on my nerves...and ahhh its just so annoying. she said “we need to get counsling (sp?) especially before you corrupt your
sister” corrupt her???? i know my mom is blind and stupid
sister is only 11,...and i’m going to turn 15 i’m 4 years older than her. but she bosses me around “get off the computer” “clean up” “make your bed now” “stop that” "be quite” “shut up”..should i go on? she acts like she rules the dang universe...yesterday
she was ordering my parents to play cards w/ her. she even threatens me..she threatens
me..i threaten her, but i’m older..i have a little more right (not much) to order her
around....she has not right to act older than me. she also says that i have a worse attitude than her? yeah right....she has a way worse one then i did when i was her age. ugg i hate my family....i mean my sister also uses phrases my family use when they are kidding around..yes i’m a teenager and get pimples and crap like that, but she goes around saying “shut up pimple face, atleast i don’t have pimples” "but she's already gotten them too......god urrgg i could just complain the heck about her.also..she use to say..”atleast i didn’t get a D on my report card” (i go t one in 7th grade) but she got one in 4th i think and when i would laugh at her about that i would get in trouble from my parents....she is a whiner (sp?) a complainer (i complain too..who doesn't) but she bossy little selfish little......uhh right..but she is..she soo selfish..shes a brat
who gets me in trouble all the time..and i mean all the time. sry if i got off the
subject..but urggg i hate her. but my mom..she hates me..i hate her..she doesn’t care about me or my grades..i got a 103 on a world history quiz..which is great (the reasoning is funny) but i did good on a WH quiz, which i was failing 1st quarter...but i did good.and i told her and she just said..good job and didn’t say anything about it..but dad said it was our 1 year old coffee shop making her tired and taking up her time..that has no effect on how she would act on how i did great on a quiz...but she gets mad at me for getting bad grades, and gets all happy and giddy when my sister gets good grades (my sister got AB honoral at our private school) but she mentioned she was happy for me 1 day after i asked my dad why she didn’t care...she says she loves me..she tried to prove it by showing me that on v-day she got me and my sister big mugs or whatever that said i love you on them (w/ a bear inside) (i hid it in my drawer today because she doesn't love me) she kept saying “see i do love you, look at the
cups” but i just shrugged it off she thought i was joking..but i wasn’t..i know she doesn’t love me..its a fact..she gets mad at me for my/her attitude...she gets mad when i do things she doesn’t like. and i’m the one always getting in trouble, not my sister who is even worse than me. i hater her so dad is...ok..but ugg i hate my family....i really do..i wish i wasn’t here...i want to leave this earth sooooo i don’t have to deal
w/ exclusion from friends, hatred from family, or bossiness from sister.....i hate
everything about my life....i want to end it..i just want to die w/out pain..i want to leave to a happier place.....

it was just last year that i was talking about suicide to myself and friends...looky here..i’m talking to myself about suicide again...again!!!.....and mainly because of my
parents....because they hate me,,and i hate them...i really really really really do. and i know they hate me to. does anyone know how i could end this life of mine? anyway,
suicide, private councling..can anyone help me there any pill i could take that
wouldn’t cause pain to die?? is there a way i could get myself to a private councler w/out parents knowing? anything? i just want to end this unhappyness..and this life....i don’t talk to my friends about this...i try..but thats when i’m upset..i don’t get upset w/ things that happen at home when i’m at school.....i get upset w/ school things there. but i just need help.......i just want help....please

sry for this being so long. and sry for it changing topics throughout the whole thing.......

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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You wonder why parents have a hard time dealing with teenagers? i'll give you a hint. Go back and re-read what you've written. I don't know you, but if I was to make a guess based on the things you've written here, I'd say you're a strong-willed person but you're coming across as a bit of a brat.

It's no secret that teenagers tend to butt heads with their parents. Happens to darn near everybody. Happened to me. Happened with my siblings. Happened with all my friends. It's even pretty well documented in adolescent development textbooks. Teens clash with their parents. It's partly hormonal, it's partly a young person just trying to assert his/her identity, and it's partly just trying to get your way (human nature).

Talk to a counselor. Your school has them. Just go to the office at your school, ask to make an appointment with the school guidance couselor or psychologist. They are there to talk to you. Talk on your own first till you have your own issues sorted out. Then ask for a group session and talk to your mom with the counselor. Tell her what you told us.

And if you are feeling suicidal at all, we take that VERY seriously. Call for an ambulance or call the police. They will supervise you so you don't do anything rash.

Universal Law #4721: Any joke can be made funnier with the word "goatf**ker." Corollary, any story can be made more entertaining by adding a few ninjas.

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 11398

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i'm not going to kill would be to painful..and i don't think i would be up to it..but i do think about it more than i did..yeah... i don't think i'm really acting like a brat... maybe a little..but not too much...cause these are things i've noticed...when she doesn't get mad or have her attitude or whatever..she does the same thing..parents shouldn't favor between children...and i know my mom favors my sister..and my sister is a...right..i know for a fact my sister is worse than me..she always has been..and i know that as a fact...right..and i might be trying to get my way..but my mom doesn't have to yell at me everytime i ask for something..she can say no..but usually for me to understand why an answer is no all she really needs to do is explain why the answer is right..
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Scarleteen Volunteer
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hi vballchick,

just to add my two cents here. you know, i could have written something about hating my sibling and my family a bit more than a decade ago, too. like gummy said, rebellion is normal and part of growing up and ok.

i can understand how much you dislike feeling like "the odd one out". - however, hon, just repeating that you're being treated in an unfair way, screaming, doing the whole "my little sis is even worse than me" thing isn't changing anything at all.

you know what? parents love their kids.
ask the gals here who have had kids, ask bobo, who's got a grown up son: having kids changes your world, and you love your kids, no matter what. sure, there are rare exceptions, when parents really don't care very much at all, but i doubt your parents belong to that group.

from the little you've actually written about your rents, it sounds like it's been a very stressful time for them, with starting up their own cafe and all. no wonder your mom is stressed and feels a bit lost and can't help but scream.

yup - i agree, and i know what it's like- it would feel better for you if your mom was giving you more positive feedback on your school work or if she took your side or let you decide what was happening instead of your sis. however, i get the impression that because you're the older one, she's hoping you are needing less of her at this very moment.
i also get the impression that your younger sister (and really hon, she's a fair bit younger) quite simply needs more of your parents attention, as younger kids do, and they are giving her that attention, because they rely and trust on you to be alright without it.

it's okay that you're not. just don't yell at them for it. tell them quietly and calmy (or if you don't think you'll get the chance, write them a letter) about what's happening and that you need their support and understanding and care, even though you're the older kid.
they probably don't know how upset you are, chica. how should they if you all don't get time to actually talk but just scream at each other?

you know, part of growing up is that more responsibility is expected from you. - by your family, and society in general.
responsibility comes in plenty of shapes and forms. being responsible is looking after yourself and caring for yourself. - and you can do better, chick, that you're doing currently in that department. search out help for your suicidal thoughts, talk to your school counselor. get it out. you need help, and that's ok, just go out and get it.

it means becoming self-reliant in your goals in education (i.e. giving yourself rewards for doing good and enjoying reaching your goals, not asking for other people's praise).

it means trying to work with your parents, seeing them as the humans they are and to harbour an atmosphere of communication and care for everyone in the family. don't get me wrong: that doesn't mean you should totally take over the household because your parents are busy: just realise that life is better for everyone if you make a real effort. like no screaming with your sis about nothing.
it means accepting that your parents are busy when they are, and that their being busy or looking after your sis doesn't mean they don't love you.

gummy gave you some good pointers earlier: go to your school counselor and talk it all out. then take it from there. but get that help, it's there, you just need to go and ask for it. you need professional help if you are honestly thinking "more than usual" about suicide.

we take this stuff very seriously here. again, i urge you to not casually talk about this, but to immediately call 911/an ambulance/the police if you feel you are about to injure yourself.

~Scarleteen Sexpert~

Spike: (In response to being asked to fight a troll) "I would, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much."

[This message has been edited by Alaska (edited 02-18-2003).]

Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5594

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Hmm, this is kind of a difficult situation, but I think the main problem is that you're not handling it the best you could be.
You use alot of negative feelings towards your family saying that you 'hate them' and such, and when your mom tells you she loves you, you seem to ignore the fact that she really does love you.
Maybe you should try to see the good sides of your family members. If your mom yells at you, don't yell back, that just makes matters worse. Trust me I know exactly what you're going through, I don't get along with my brother or my mom either, But when I can, I try to act calm and try not to provoke or initiate new arguments.

About your sister. Well, siblings can be annoying, especially when you're young. Trust me I know all about that, in all of my 15 years of being on this earth, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't fight with my older brother, but you just have to suck it up and realize that they can be annoying, and your sister is probably just trying to get a rise out of you when she says rude and annoying things to you, and when she does get a rise out of you, she probably likes it, because that's exactly what she's trying to do. So just ignore her and don't worry about it.

Also, about your mom favouring your sister, Alot of parents seem to favour a sibling more than others, I feel the same way with my brother, but even if they do favour her, it doesn't mean they love you any less.
And maybe they treat her a bit better because she isn't as hostile towards your parents, and yell at them like you said you have.

Anyways that is just my two cents.

Also like Gummy said, if you are thinking about suicide that is pretty serious so you should get a counsellor at your school, but another thing, you mentioned that you mom suggested you get counselling, so why don't you take her up on that offer and get family and private counselling sessions? Seems like it would be a good idea in your case.

Posts: 1000 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 10024

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Ok, from what I gather, when u say 'my sister is worse than me' you mean she behaves worse towards you. I can't see any reason why your parents would favour ur sis if she was worse behaved towards them as you are towards your parents.
Obviously she behaves better towards them but winds you up - and the reason she gets away with winding u up is cos she is in ur parents good books and she makes sure she stays there by being nice to them. So your parents aren't favouring her, they are just rewarding her for good behaviour when yours goes bad.
I am also the problem child of my family and Me and my brother( despite getting on well generally) had some pretty big fights. I always got the blame and I felt at the time that they hated me. I want to point out to you that a parents instinct is to love and vherish their child. They can't do much else and things that they do to you that hurts you at the time, they are usually doing it cos it will help you in the longrun and because they love you so much.
Alot of your 'attitude' will probably be you being hormonal which is only natural for a teenager. teenagers, as stated by someone before, only really want to show the world who they are and develop into their own person as teenage years are the crucial years that shape who you are. your need to express yourself and make urself known clashes with your parents trying to bring you up and guide you with the rules they layout to help you grow.
As for your mother hating you.
It is a very rare case for a mother to actually hate her own child. it doesn't happen very often. Most mothers have their instincts that tell them to love thier child and they can't do much else. You give no reason as to why your mother would hate you other than a disagreement of character and that is no reason for anymother to reject and hate her child.
I think her negative attitude towards you stems from your negative attitude towards her. You seem to explain that she only picks up on negative things and ignores the good, which makes u feel kinda small and unwanted. Maybe she does this because, when you approach her, all she thinks about is how you behave towards her, which is negative, so she defensivly does the same towards you. I hope that makes sense. I mean, possibly your mother feels bad that you seem to dislike her alot. so she feels hurt and is negative towards you too.
I had a bad relationship with my father. I felt that he hated me and I hated him back. but the better I behaved around him, the better he behaved towards me. try it. It may feel like sucking up to people who hate you and getting nothing in return but sooner or later, they will come round and be more positive towards you.
About the suicidal thing. I have been suicidal myself. and I have finally reached a conclusion : there is NOTHING in this life worth killing yourself over. Think about it. would you really want there to be no tomorrow to look ahead to? your parents will awlways be your parents and deep down, somewhere, they love u very much. You need to talk to someone about how u feel (suicidal). It's a VERY serious issue and one that you shouldn't take lightly. you are never alone, and there will always be someone out there who cares and is willing to help you through it.
school is the first place you should turn to about councelling. (sp?)
They are proffesional and sypmathetic and won't judge u at all.

Posts: 37 | From: England | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 11398

Icon 1 posted      Profile for vballchck     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post sister is worse behaved than me..thats the biggest fact in the world...she isn't nice to my parents. she boses them and around..and throws a fit when she doesn't get her way...and that is to the same to me too..for example..the other day...she wanted to play w/ a doll head that i cut the hair too, i told her no..even when she asked nicely..she went in and messed up my room..must because i told her she can't play with something that is mine.....then she asked my dad and i told him i told her no....she got in trouble for it..because my parents are starting to pay attention to how she acts..or they are going to try too..they told me a couple of days ago (before the doll thing) but yeah..thats just an example..but she boses everyone around..consisiders everything to be "unfair" and it is annoying.. i want my parents to realize how big of a spoiled brat she is. i know i do thinkgs like cause more trouble after she starts i kick her and stuff..thats only when she is really annoying though..but yeah..
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Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I really would encourage you to reread Gumdrop Girl's post to you. Because I'm not sure you really took it to heart, and it's very excellent advice.

Your constant insistence on looking at everyone else in your family as "worse than" you, or as the primary grunt of problems really should be a red flag to you that you aren't truly looking at your behaviour first, which is basically the most effective and workable way to deal with these kinds of conflicts for any of us. If you just cannot look at yourself without comparing and contrasting, this just isn't going to go anywhere, because flatly, your langauge and tone in these posts alone speak volumes about YOUR approach and attitude needing some evaluation and work.

I know it isn't easy to do and that it's a whole lot easier to shift blame, but I can pretty much promise you it's not going to fix the problems you're having. If anything, it's going to make them worse and guarantee they continue.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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