...what's wrong with me. I used to be a really happy, loving person, but now it's like I don't care about myself anymore or anyone else really. It's like I've forgotten kind-of about practically everything. I still care about my friends, but I've lost a bunch of people who used to care about me because I don't talk to them anymore and the reason I don't talk to them anymore is because I just really don't care. My boyfriend and I's relationship is okay I guess...we've been fighting a lot, but it dosen't really mean anything to me, I don't really care. It's such a weird feeling...
I'm not really happy with who I am also. I am constantly reminding myself what's wrong with me - my faults, etc. and what I can do to change myself. Like one day I'll think I'm too heavy, or the next my hair is all wrong. It's making me really unhappy because I used to be really happy and confident with myself, but it seems I'm just losing everything I once cared about. I can't really talk to my friends about stuff like this because many of my friends have bigger problems that I try to help them with and I don't really like talking about myself when I know one of my best friends is miserable.
Sorry if this was really confusing, I just kind-of had to let something out. I want to care again.
--Edit-- I also wanted to say my mom is really worried about my and my lack of friends. I have plenty of friends whom I do care about, but it's just I've lost a few who I knew weren't my "real" friends in the past year and my mom thinks I need to be nicer to people... I don't know. I don't really know anything.
[This message has been edited by tigress (edited 02-16-2003).]
Tigress, it may sound simplistic, but I've found the best cure when apathy starts to set in is finding some cool volunteer work. It really, really helps to put things in perspective so you can stop obsessing about your hair, for instance, and start remembering about your real life: the people who care for you, where you're going, the issues that matter.
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