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Author Topic: stuck in a moment??
Angel07
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hi. i dont live in NY, but i felt really affected by september 11th. i lost a cousin i didnt know, and i feel connected to him now to. i think about 9/11, practically (no exagaration) everyday of my life. it HAUNTS me. ive been to the towers before and i went to ground zero after.i love NYC, maybe thats another reason. but i just feel stuck. its been sixteen monthes. i just CANT MOVE ON. like that U2 song stuck in a moment that you cant get out of.. (yeah i relate everything to song lyrics) i cant shake it out of my mind. i dont want to forget, i want to stop mourning over it. i want to stop crying about it when i hear the music i listened to that day, or have tears come to my eyes at any mention or sight of it. i was just wondering if anyone else has had this kind of experience about anything that you just couldnt stop thinking about, 9/11 or not. what did you do to help? i feel like everyone around me has moved on. i should move on. its big, but its in the past.
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Gumdrop Girl
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September 11 was the capitulation of a lot of hatred and envy summed up in one catastrophic action. The magnitude of the act and the darker shades of humanity that it represents is what, imho, shakes us to the core.

imho, the best way to counter hate, envy and ill-will to those who don't think the same way you do is to do public service. You are just one person, but you can do a lot to make a positive impact on your community if you just start small. How about working in a soup kitchen? Volunteer through your church. Tutor schoolchildren and introduce them to ideas such as tolerance. or get involved in politics (this is what I do ). Send care packages to our troops who are far from home right now.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dark_Wolf
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This is just a suggestion but you being stuck on this event may indicate something else going on inside of you that you can't get rid of or don't want to deal with. Your mind may be using this Septmber 11th thing to cover up for what is really bothering you. Lots of people do that to avoid the truth. Is there anything else you can think of that might be eating away at you? Like issues with yourself or a secret that you have been harbouring for a long time? This fixation on one moment in time could just be you avoiding something bad that you don't want to face.
On the other hand it is also perfectly possible that this tragic event has triggered something within you that is making you look at yourself in a negative light. The September 11th act was an act of mallace and hate. It 'haunting' you could well be your insecurities of your own 'bad' qualities and you are now feeling bad about having these negative aspects to your being.
Is that making any sense?
As for the cousin that you lost: it isn't possible to miss someone that you didn't know existed so you hearing you had a cousin that died in the event has triggered feelings of missing them. Even if you didn't know the person the terrible event of September the 11th makes you feel a loss anyway because the event was so bad. Not just because they were your cousin.
Have you talked to anyone about this?

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Zanney
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Just to deviate for a minute...

quote:
Originally posted by Dark_Wolf:
As for the cousin that you lost: it isn't possible to miss someone that you didn't know existed so you hearing you had a cousin that died in the event has triggered feelings of missing them. Even if you didn't know the person the terrible event of September the 11th makes you feel a loss anyway because the event was so bad.

I would have to disagree with that, I'm afraid, because I know all too well what Angel is talking about. My mom died when I was a baby, so I didn't really know her. But I still miss her, and still feel the gap that she should be filling. I have no memories of her, and as far as I am concerned, she could never have existed, but I do miss her. And it certainly wasn't memories of the bad event that killed her that triggers these feelings, because I don't remember that, either.

While I am not saying Sept 11 wouldn't generate feelings of loss and disorientation in any person, I think what you could feel is the lost opportunity to know this person, and to develop a relationship with them.


Posts: 419 | From: Tivoli | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Angel07
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thanks everyone for replying to my post.
in response to gumdrop girl, i actually DO volunteer in a soup kitchen with this church (not MY church well i dont have a church, but we know them) not alll the time but we are on a schedule. thanks for suggesting anyway. weve done it for awhile because i wanted to feel like i was doing something. (this was before 9/11 we started though).
about my cousin. he wasnt my age or anything, he was in his 30s or late 20s, he worked really high up in the towers. i just wonder what he thought and did and stuff... i wonder what everyone did. what did they think? if you were one of the floors directly hit, did you have time to THINK? also,i think i am kinda "obsessed" with it in a way because im scared of death, and this is just so..it showed me how permenant death was. sounds silly, but it doesnt really hit you when your younger how once someones dead, they wont come back.well, i dont believe in reincarnation, but that person wont return the same way. i would think about those people who lost their wives or husbands or parents, and how they want them back more than anything. and they wont BE back. and that just...kills me. (no pun intended) you know how people use the word "heartbreaking"?? sometimes when i get started thinking about it again, like REALLY thinking, im crying and it seriously feels like my heart just cracked open. well i guess my soul..sorry to ramble on like this!! i just realized how long this has gotten. i was just explaining. i dont know WHY it hurts me so much. my friends dont even seem to think about it anymore, not that they tell me, but when i bring it up ever they dont seem like its STILL on their minds. so, is it weird that i havent moved on? i live far from NY, i didnt lose anyone i KNOW..shouldnt i move on? sorry to keep asking stuff..i dont even know if this can really be answered.

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Dark_Wolf
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I will give you a little fact. It was something like thousands of people died in about 20mins on september the 11th.
Thousands of people have died every 20 mins from september the 11th and onwards. Every 20 mins since then the same amount of people have died in the world. It's just as tragic but the way the media portrayed the terrorist event didn't help in making the blow of September 11th any softer.
Your fixation on the september 11th tragidy must stem from somewhere and rather than trying to determine if it is weird or normal, why don't you try to determine what the real cause of this is?
I myself have had things stuck in my mind for months and I found that I was just avoiding the real issues in my mind by fixating myself on something else. For you this may be the case with the Spetember 11th.
I can't answer and say whether it is normal or not. Different people react in different ways. It is perfectly normal to grieve the loss of people that died in a such a way and I cried about it for about a week, even though I live a whole ocean apart from NY. So don't feel bad or guilty about caring for those people. the thing you should consider is that you being stuck on this moment doesn't change what happened. It doesn't help the victims, it merely makes you feel worse and makes you cry. It is easier said than done but try to think about something else whenever you find yourself thinking about it. The soup kitchen is a good way to pay back what you feel is a debt and a sign of respect to the victims, but if it reminds you too much about it or makes your situation worse, consider doing something else that allows you to help people without reminding you about September 11th and further creating a problem.
The only way I dealt with things stuck in my mind was to bury myself in work or a hobby and cast the thoughts aside. As far as I can see it is the hardest way, but the only one.
So basically determine what the cause of this is if you can and try not to let yourself be brought down by this. You aren't the only one who has been heavily affected so don't feel alone or guilty.



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Gumdrop Girl
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Hey Angel, it sounds like your real problem is bereavement and death, not just Sept. 11.

A lot of people find solace in religion when it comes to dealing with death. Even ppl who think that God is a bunch of bollocks. It can be comforting to believe that something is better than just decaying into oblivion. I came to this realization when i was in high school. a classmate of mine died and I attended his funeral. At the time, I was pretty pessimistic on the whole faith and God thing, but when i saw him in the coffin, I knew that we craft ideas of the afterlife and heaven and hell for a reason.

Maybe you would do well to read some books on death and philosophy and religion. or maybe talk to a pastor, rabbi, sangha or whatever. get some ideas about death and the afterlife. It's worth a shot, and it might just make you feel better about the matter.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dark_Wolf
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I agree with Gumdrop Girl, try her suggestion as a way of reaching out and exploring for support rather than wasting away stuck on September 11th.
Like Gumdrop said, It's worth a shot.

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~jess~
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I don't think any of us will ever get rid of the memories of 9/11. the pictures we saw of the planes crashing into the building will always be in our heads. we'll always remeber where we were when we found out.
Its true that you can miss people who have died but you didnt know. I personal didnt know anyone who died but hearing about some of the many stories make you cry. seeing all the daddyless childern on 20/20 makes you cry. I cried when i realized what a big deal this was.

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JustSomeGuy
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Nobody will ever forget 9/11. I remember sitting in Physics class, second row, second seat. and seeing the TV screen when my teacher turned it on before class, shortly after the news had spread through the hallways. I saw the images of the huge tower of smoke. I don't know if the towers had fallen yet, and after class they were saying that it may have been a suicide bomber. They weren't even sure yet. I went to lunch later on, and a friend of mine was nearly going nuts. Her dad lives and works in Manhattan, she used a pay phone to try to get a hold of him, but there was no answer (she later found out that he was ok). I remember all the little details of that day, and I don't think I'll ever forget. I don't think anyone will. Every time I look through the October, 2002 issue of my school paper for article ideas (I'm an editor this year, so I need to get ideas for articles from past issues), I am reminded of it. We had a two page Features spread about it with a banner across the top of the NY skyline- with tears coming from the Twin Towers and the statue of liberty with her head in her hands and the caption "60 miles from ground zero"- it's an incredibly great piece, and incredibly moving. every time I see one teacher in particular in the halls at school, I am reminded of it. Her husband died on 9/11.

have you tried professional help? I know that in the area I live in, there is a program that I believe is called Project Liberty that's designed specifically to help people deal with memories of 9/11. They say in the radio commercials that they'll even come to you- at home, at school, at work, alone or for a group. I think they may just have that because I live in New York (about 60-70 miles north of New York City), but your area might have something similar. If not, you could still see someone, even if it isn't someone that's there specifically for 9/11 matters.


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