When I was 13 I was sexualy molested in my sleep by my fathers friend who was in his late 30's. Ever since then I have been scared and alone not able to open up as more, not able to let a girlfriend/boyfriend come up to me and give me a hug for the fear that they might hurt me. Even my family is suffering from this, I wont let any man really get close to me. Living my life terrified to go to the mall or step into a crounded elevator of men. I dont know what to do..its been about a year but I still suffer. And yet inside I feel I was the person who was wrong, I feel as if I put it on myself! If anyone else has had a similar problem please write your thoughts/feeling/a and experiences.
Posts: 9 | From: brampton,ont | Registered: Jan 2003
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11359, have you considered getting couseling to help you get through your trauma? Talking it over with a therapist can help you overcome your pain and fear. Did you report what happened to you? Do your parents know something happened to you?
i understand what your going through in a sense. i am 20 yrs old. almost 3 yrs ago i was raped by my ex-boyfriend. he was my ex because he abused me and once i got the strength to walk away he sought his revenge. he was angry because i gave the man i am currently with now the one thing he wanted. my virginity, so he took out all of his anger on me. i dont remember all of it, i have tried my best to block it from my mind but i was the same way for a while. infact until recently. i couldn't even be restrained without going into some horrible flashback. the nightmares were so horrible i had to take sleeping pills to get any rest. i was heavy into martial arts and had to take a rest due to fights would bring back memories without warning. i blamed myself for a long time. right after it happened i even tried to take my own life. i however was stopped luckily. you dont get over something like that, i understand that now, but you learn to live with it. i fought all i could. he was simply stronger. so i trained myself to be stronger so something like that wouldn't happen again. i relized it was not my fault. no one askes to be raped. i had a cousin who had died from a rape, so i had a pretty nasty fear of it. he knew that and took advantage of it. the man i am currently with would never hurt me, i know that, he had lost a close friend to a simular situation so i guess it was easier for me than you, but my flash backs would hit me out of no where. until i finally just gave in, i explained everything to my b/f,, and that night i had a horrible episode, he held me so tight until it was over. he protected me. give yourself a chance to trust someone. you might find someone who has been in a simular situation and can help you to trust them. trust takes time especially once it is stripped away like that. not all men or women are alike. and it took someone who loved me more than i ever thought possible to make me see that
Posts: 7 | From: United States | Registered: Jan 2003
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I know how you feel I was raped and beat when I was 13 by the person that I thought was my best friend...and then a year later i was molested. Everyday I wake up and think about it. Things got really tough for me aswell and I couldn't sleep at night I get nervous around people and worse of all I thought it was MY fault!... all victums deal with there emotions differenty some rebel and come much more sexually active but most of us live in fear that someone is going to hurt us again. With me I can't get close to anyone because Im afraid for numerous reasons. Some have to do with physical damages that I recieved but mostly because Im not emotionaly ready. It hurts to think that the one thing you have to give away once is taken and it takes ALONG time before things will even seem half right! for me it has been almost 4 years and I still have my BAD times and I still have alot of flash backs and breakdowns..and I also tryed to take my own life. But the thing is it does start to heal in away but very slowly you just have to remember that you have friends and family would do anything in the world for you. Over time you will start to feel more comfortable doing normal things like going out in public and being around guys. You'll always have a strong guard thou and that will never go away! but that's all good!...things like this take so much time to heal it seems like there is not point but there is...and I think that if a bipolar teenage girl like myself can struggle through it you can too! I no it hurts and you feel bad or dirty but you rememeber that you ARE A GOOD PERSON! and what goes around comes around! and the stupid son of a bitch (excuse my lanugage) will get what he deserves!!!! you'll be ok hunnie! I know you will just try to keep your chin up cause IM WITH YA!
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