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Author Topic: Cutting is my only way out
McKinley12
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I am embarassed to say this but i have been a cutter now for over 2 years. I dont know why i do it i just need the pain. I dont know how else to handle the stress that i have in my life. I had to stop cutting my wrists though because my mother found out and got really upset, so now i just stick to my thighs, arms, stomach wherever i can do it without it being found. I live a very secluded life because of this. I use razors, knifes, I even go out to stores and buy these things just for the purpose of cutting myself. I am just so alone and have no other outlet. I have abandoned all of my friends and have no real family life. So I sit at home at night and cut until i feel better. i am most of the time suicidal but do not have the guts to do it. I just wanted to vent so thanks for listening.
Posts: 8 | From: Buffalo, NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
light_faerie
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First of all, do NOT be ashamed of something like this. It isn't something that you can just shake off thinking it dosen't matter. You know why? Because it DOES matter.

Cutting can't be your "only" way out. You need to talk to someone you trust like a friend or parent about this because it's clear you do need help. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and don't try to hide everything because it won't work.

Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time there was a girl who's boyfriend left her. She was very depressed for a long time, and ended up hurting herself by cutting herself and punching herself and throwing up everything she ate--all because of a boy. She threw her life away and she did die. She cut her wrist one day a little too deep, and bled to death.

Do you want to end up like her?

(Not that you're doing this because of a boy, it's just the ending that counts.)

Get help please soon. This girl left behind many people who loved and cared about her and if she had known about them she would have talked all her problems out and lived. Please get some help. Talk to someone and just get help soon! There are people who care about you and would love to help you, if you'd only let them.

Good luck to you,
xoxo
~light_faerie


Posts: 67 | From: Somewhere over the rainbow... | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mingo
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Light faerie makes good points and tells a relevent story. Let me tell another one. I know a woman. she had a screwed up family and didn't know how to deal with it as a teenager. She became addicted to drugs, she cut herself, alot. One day she decided to get some help. With a lot of hard work she overcame incredable hardships. She got clean and sober, stopped cutting and became a doctor. Cutting isn't the way out of anything. It's a coping mechanism that makes you feel betterfor a short time, it doesn't solve anything and in the long run only adds to your problems.

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We are starstuff, we are the universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out

[This message has been edited by mingo (edited 08-02-2002).]


Posts: 126 | From: Ferndale, Mi USA | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
McKinley12
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I dont have anyone to turn to. I have NO friends i abandoned them all because of my family. And I cant rely on my family because my mother is a manic depressive and my father has been charged with child abuse and i have no outside communication with anybody. I work 2 jobs to support my family and have dropped out of college for them. So I thought if cutting myself makes me feel good for at least a second out of my life then it is worth it. I have no insurance to pay to see anyone. I am ALL alone that is why i think that life isnt worth it most of the time. I wish there were others ways for my situation but guess i am destined for this.
Posts: 8 | From: Buffalo, NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Olive
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Cutting yourself is not a solution. I used to cut myself about over a year ago. I realised that the blood replaced my tears. But its ok to cry, its natural and its not at risk to damaging yourbody. Please I know how upsetting family members would be. My sister used to cutt herself, and i found she did just the other day. I didnt know how to mention it do her all i could do was cry. Please stop hurting yourself, for the sake of you!
Posts: 338 | From: Livermore, CA | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
light_faerie
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But you do have someone--all of us here on the boards! We care about you and your well being, so you can't say you're all alone. My advice to you now is to find a place where they can give you help that dosen't cost much. You need to see someone IRL to help you through this and talk to you. I don't know where you live, but there has to be a place you can go for teens who need help or a number you can call to talk to someone. Please try to get help. We care about you here and we want you to get help. Cutting isn't the way. It just isn't.

Good luck to you~
*l*f*


Posts: 67 | From: Somewhere over the rainbow... | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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There are solutions to just about every crisis. You just have to want them and you have to take the time to look for them. Here is a list of low or no-cost support in your area.

No one can make you go, and what you do is up to you, but it's simply not so that you have no support, and trying to convince yourself or others is doesn't exist isn't helpful to anyone. Some of us (including myself) have been in very similar situations and we did get through them, because we wanted to and worked our butts off to do it -- no one can make you want to, but if you don't want actual help, then I'm sorry, but there isn't anything anyone here can do for you.

--
SATURDAY NIGHT DEPRESSION GROUP

The Saturday Night Depression Group is a self-help group for people who are suffering form all types of depression. The goal of this group is to help you function as a whole and get your life back on track. We are here to support you and help you through the hard times. We are here for you!

Every Saturday 6:00 p.m.
Independent Living Center 3108 Main Street Buffalo, NY
Any questions? Call Barb at 836-0822, ext. 159.

--
TRI-COUNTY PEER SELF-HELP GROUP

The Tri-County Peer Self-Help Group is a free support group for mental health consumers with depression/depression and anxiety problems that wish to exchange experiences and ideas for self-help.

Every Wednesday
7:00 - 9:00 p.m.

Lake Shore Community Hospital
Administration Building
Conference Room B
Routes 5 & 20
Irving, NY

For further information, call Anita at 934-2654, ext. 2312.

--
UNITYCLUB

The Unity Club is a self-help support group for persons with manic-depressive or depressive illness. Its goals are support, education and research. It meets on the following day:

Every Friday, 6:00 - 8:00 p.m.

Independent Living Center
3108 Main Street
(rear building)
Buffalo, NY

-- http://www.crisisservices.org/default.html

--
Families Together in NYS, Inc.
1-888-326-8644
Parent-run organization that strives to establish a unified voice for children with emotional, behavioral, and social disorders. Services include information and referral, resource library, and support.

--
Thos rescources aside, if your family is in this situation, no doubt the Family Services Department in your county has come into play. You can ask them as well for support resources, not jjust for help with the depression, but for financial help and assistance (including funds for medical care) as well.

If you are a minor, they have no doubt already put some of these services into play. Use them.

Here are the numbers and addresses for those departments:

Erie-County Of, Social Services Department Welfare, Adult & Family Services, (716) 858-8161, 608 William St, Buffalo, NY 14206

Erie-County Of, Social Services Department Welfare, Adult & Family Services, (716) 891-2021, 1500 Broadway St, Buffalo, NY 14212


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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
McKinley12
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I really appreciate all the help you guys give me, but I dont know if i deserve to go and get the help because i dont feel like i am worth it. Maybe I feel this way because of all of the pain i have been put through in the past. I feel like i will always cut, even if this is a selfish choice at least I know I chose it, and not somebody else. I am sorry that i have troubled you guys and I wish that you could understand what I am really going through. Thanks again.

Posts: 8 | From: Buffalo, NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Shenzie2007
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Oi! Yes you are worth it! You dodeserve help.
Posts: 73 | From: dallas, texas, usa | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I think, McKinley, that it is appealing to think that no one else in the world could be where you are or understand. I don't say that to cut you down, I say that because I remember feeling that way: even when people offer help or say they've been there, one tries to convince oneself that they couldn't POSSIBLY get it because if they could, or you let yourself hear that they could, the suffering doesn't feel so good. But I assure you, plenty of people have been there. It's not unique: people suffer, some less than you, some far mmore, but everyone does at one point or another. It's part of the human condition.

Look: it sounds like it's no big surprise you're hurting, or that you're cutting and feeling depressed (and given your mother's manic-depression, you may in fact be genetically inclined twoards chemical depression). You're carrying a heavy load there. But people who don't want help don't ask for it. And people who give help can't figt to give it to you. You either accept it or you don't. You can lighten that load, but if you prefer not to and keep your pain going because you like it... well, that's pretty much that.

The resources are there. If you want to get through it and work on this, you havve to call them yourself and pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

If you can't do that, there isn't anything else anyone here can really do for you. No one's going to dole out the pity, and no one is going to say, "Hey, it's okay to have a pity party, go to town." That just isn't something we can or will do.

Iif you want to talk, go right ahead. But unless you actually go ahead and do something to take care of yourself as well as talking, that's not going to do much and we're limited in what we can do, and certainly in what we can endorse.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
McKinley12
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I am just so afraid of what they will tell me and what i will have to change I dont know if i can deal with that or not. And I dont want my parents to find out that i am cutting again, in which i am REALLY paranoid about.
Posts: 8 | From: Buffalo, NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lavendar71
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Baby steps...you won't have everything thrown at you at once. It's hard...and trust me, I know. It gets to a point when you have to ask yourself, "Do I want to be like this anymore..." it looks like to me that you're at that point... It takes a lot of mental healing, I mean I still get urges to do that to myself. It will take time, but it is worth so much to just give yourself a chance and reach for help. I wish you the very best of luck.

(This is just my input on the subject-Sorry if I'm barging in here ).


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duckling
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I completely understand what you're feeling. I used to cut myself because I felt like there was so much pain and anger bottled up inside of me that the only way I could get it out was to slash my skin open. And it felt great for about ten minutes. It felt like the pain was gone. And then the pain came back, full force. My dad confronted me about it. He was angry and confused, and frankly so was I. I got therapy - god bless therapy - and I'm healthy now. So GET THERAPY. It's like a jillion times harder to fix this addiction - and it is an addiction, like cigarettes or heroin, and just as harmful - on your own. There are places that provide therapy on a sliding-scale or free basis, if you're worried about cost. But the important thing is that no matter what, you need to find someone who knows how to help you get through this and explore healthier ways of releasing your emotions.
Posts: 36 | From: US of A | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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