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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Cutting

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Author Topic: Cutting
celery
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Sadly, on sunday I was feeling so useless, and depressed, I started cutting my arms up.
Monday was another really bad day and I ended up doing the same on monday night, now all up my forearm I have these really really nasty looking cuts on my arm, and I have to go around in the HUMID sticky hot weather wearing long sleeved shirts because I'm way to embarrassed to let anyone know I cut myself.
I haven't told even any of my closest friends, I'm going to a cottage on friday and I don't think I'll be able to hide the cuts simply because I'll swimming and being outdoors, rather then being at home, grounded with the A/C pumped.
So is there anyway I can cover up these wounds with out wering long sleeved shirts, and is there anyway to make them heal faster? Polysporin..? I really have no idea what to do, and I'm too ashamed to ask anyone else for help.

Posts: 1000 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mingo
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No, there's realy no way to make wounds heal faster. What I'm realy MUCH more conserned about is that you are feeling so much pain emotionally that you would go to this extreme to deal with it. Has it occured to you that the reason you did something visable is so that someone would SEE how much you hurt? Honey, you're screaming for help. We can only do so much here, I'm conserned, I care, but even if I lived next door I'd tell you "You've GOT to get some counseling". If you can't afford it check out county mental health or one of the larger churches in your area (if you do that, shy away from the more fundimental types), Try Narcotics anonymous, anything, you're just carrying way too much and you need more help than you can get from the most well meaning of online communities.

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We are starstuff, we are the universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out

[This message has been edited by mingo (edited 07-31-2002).]

[This message has been edited by mingo (edited 08-01-2002).]


Posts: 126 | From: Ferndale, Mi USA | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
celery
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I know where you must be coming from, but i really didn't want anyone to see the cuts on my arm, and I still don't.

I don't know why I cut myself, I was just feeling really unhappy, and thought that I could deal with the physical pain, instead of the emotional pain.

I don't know what was going through my head, and now i don't know what to do, i just want my cuts to heal, and i just want to forget about it.

I don't think i need help or anything, i'll be fine.


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mingo
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Well, I can't make you. I will say however, if you've advanced to this type of behavior, you most likely will not be able to handle it. You've done this because part of you KNOWS you need help and WANTS somebody to see that you're hurting so they can help you. It's a big step when you acknowledge that you aren't an island and you have to ask for help. It happens to everyone. No matter how much you may think someone has it all together, they don't. Chances are people you admire, got where they are with help. This is definately the case with me. If you try to stuff it all away, new and more self-distructive behaviors will pop up, until you finally create a big enough mess somebody steps in to help you out. So how about you skip a few steps and save yourself whatever future disaster your subconcious might dream up for you. Haven't you punished yourself enough? No matter how bad and hopeless things seem, trust me, you can always make it worse.

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We are starstuff, we are the universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out


Posts: 126 | From: Ferndale, Mi USA | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
celery
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Tonight my parents saw the cuts on my arm
My dad asked me what it was and I had no idea what to say except for "Cuts".

I feel really stupid now, and my parents probably think i'm suicidal now or something.
When I'm really not, and I'm not gonna cut myself again.

What do i do if my parents bring it up again, i feel really uncomfortable talking about it.


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mingo
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What do you do? Telling the truth eliminates the need to think up a belevable story. How about "I depressed, my life is a mess and I cut myself to try to deal with my emotoinal pain. I need help." You might be suprised how understanding and helpful parents can be if you stop trying to play them.

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We are starstuff, we are the universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out


Posts: 126 | From: Ferndale, Mi USA | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
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Camomile tea applied right to the cuts will clean out infection, as can tea tree oil. Lavender oil (dilute it a bit in a carrier oil, or some honey) and vitamin E oil (pop open a capsule) will help speed healing. That's my possibly flakey but generally effective medical help, because you do have physical wounds that need caring for. Emotionally, however, you'll need a lot more than that, and you've already received a lot of excellent help on these boards. Now, you need to work up the courage and motivation to use it. And please, deal with this now. Delaying help will just make things worse later -- and they might REALLY matter then.

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You're my C64


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Lime_Salty
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Hey Celery- I have been cutting my arms for a while now... I had a horrible bout with anorexia that put me in the hospital for months- and while I was there, in the psych ward- I learned how to cut. Since I got out, and have now pretty much changed my eating disorder behaviour- I continue to cut... off and on- some weeks are worse than other- I know it feels like you cant tell anyone- but deep down- u do need help- And I'm not one who is an advocate of therapy- believe me- I've worked with the top psychologists and psychiatrists in my province yet still suffer from severe depresion- and cutting... but My pediatrician did put me on anti-depressants which have worked WONDERS for me. And sometimes- life gets too hard- i feel fat- or worthless...but those times are far less frequent when i take my medication properly. I suggest asking your mom or dad to make an appointment with your doctor, and tell them u feel depressed- which by the souns of it you are. Some basic testing will prove this- and your parents never have to know. everything is confidential- although if u are diagnosed as depressed then i;m sure your doctor will be more than willing to explain to them that it isnt your, or their fault- just a chemical imbalance in your brain. Please- for your self- look into anti-depressants- they work wonders. and hang in there hun...!
Luv,
Lauren

Posts: 4 | From: Chatham, ON, Canada | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
celery
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Thanks for your help and support everyone.
I went to a cottage for a week and got back today and My parents brought up the cuts again and told me that they are gonna make me go to counselling for a few sessions.

I don't want to go and I told them that, and they said only a few times, and I guess I can deal with that, I mean it can't make anything worse.

I haven't cut since about 2 weeks ago, and I have mixed feelings if i would ever do it again.

I mean sometimes I'm so happy that i wonder why I did it and sometimes I get so down that I just want to do it again, does anyone else get this feeling?


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LilBlueSmurf
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I do ... once in a while. Sometimes i look back and wonder what in the world i was thinking, when things weren't REALLY that bad. And then sometimes i get to a point where i wonder what in the world i was thinking when i thought things were so good. And i try to get back to that state of mind ... The "everythings good, everythings gonna be alright". It's so important to stay positive, you just have to give yourself little pep talks sometimes ("It's okay Celery, you can do it. You've been through this before, you'll likely go through it again, its not the end of the world. You're a strong girl ... You can face this head on, and WIN!")

One thing i also want to say ... Don't say you won't ever cut again. You may be setting yourself up for disappointment. I'm not saying you'll do it again, or even that you'll want to ... But you need to be taking it one step at a time. Each day is one more day that you haven't done it. I used to count the exact days ... It's been almost 2 and a half years now, and i've lost the exact number of days.

I do believe you're on the right track tho. Talk to this counselor, and be honest, and maybe s/he can help you.

Good luck


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mingo
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Lilblusmurf brings up a good point, tell this person the whole truth. It's their job not to be judgemental and to help you so don't hold anything back. This said by someone currently in therapy.

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We are starstuff, we are the universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out


Posts: 126 | From: Ferndale, Mi USA | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mary
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quote:
Originally posted by celery:
I mean sometimes I'm so happy that i wonder why I did it and sometimes I get so down that I just want to do it again, does anyone else get this feeling?

In a recent post, I wrote:

"I am happy to announce that I have passed the one year mark!!! Last year on July 4th was the last time I cut myself; I've been "clean" every since! It seems like so long ago... I can't see myself ever cutting in the future; I'm going to do my best not to."

And a few weeks ago I was lying in my bed thinking, "I just want to cut myself. Nothing's going right in my head; all I feel is pain. I need to get rid of it".

I honestly can't believe I was in that mode of thinking again after just writing that post. But emotions and mental stages can change so quickly. So yes, Celery, that does happen to me. But all I can do is remind myself how much of a mess I got myself into by cutting and how good I feel when I know I've resisted the urge to cut.

I hope things work our for you, myself, and everyone else . We can just take it one day at a time, I suppose.


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celery
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LilBlueSmirf, You were right, I was just setting myself up for a BIG disapointment.

I've cut myself a few more times now since the first time I cut, and I feel like I just can't stop. For some reason, my parents, my boyfriend[now ex], and just everything seems to be going wrong all at once!
And I really can't seem to cope with it well, I just keep cutting myself, the first and second time i did my arms, but when my parents and friends saw, I decided never to cut where somebody could see it, so I stick with cutting on my legs, which has left my thighs looking horribly ugly with MANY many cuts on them now.
I don't know what to do, I don't know when my parents are taking me to a counsellor, if that does even happen, and I'm too embarrassed to talk to even my very best friend about it.

Almost everyone notices the scars on my arm now and they all ask about it, and I never know what to say, I just say "nothing", and try to change the subject, and everyone thinks I'm just trying to kill myself [which is not the case] and it's embarassing.

Sorry for making this post SO long, but I think I really do need some help!


Posts: 1000 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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