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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » I need to help a Friend, and myself.

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Author Topic: I need to help a Friend, and myself.
:pq:
Neophyte
Member # 417

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Im going to try and sum this up as short as i can: My ex girlfriend is 19. She has no parents to go to (if you can relate, they arent dead) she is on her own. she faces constant depression and struggle, and constantly turns to drugs to only furthur worsen her problems. She is my ex because of some of the things she has done. Well basically, i want to be there for her so she wont do something stupid to hurt herself or make things worse for her, but it hurts me to be constantly hurt by her actions. One minute she says she loves me, the next she is telling me she is moving away with some guy. How am i supposed to help her and help myself get through this? what am i supposed to do? I am worried, hurt, and tired.
Posts: 21 | From: SimiValley | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ava_Dash
Neophyte
Member # 8433

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sounds like both of you don't want to let go of one another. the best advice i can give you is to let go of her. i think you need to tell her one time and one time only that if she doesn't clean up her act then you don't want anything to do with her. if she doesn't just wish her the best of luck with anything she does including moving on with someone else. When there is drugs involved only that person will make up their mind if they want to continue or they want to seek help. give her a number of a local drug center for counseling. she needs someone to help her. im just glad she never got you involved with her drugs. if you need to talk respond. best wishes and regards.

quote:
Originally posted by q::
Im going to try and sum this up as short as i can: My ex girlfriend is 19. She has no parents to go to (if you can relate, they arent dead) she is on her own. she faces constant depression and struggle, and constantly turns to drugs to only furthur worsen her problems. She is my ex because of some of the things she has done. Well basically, i want to be there for her so she wont do something stupid to hurt herself or make things worse for her, but it hurts me to be constantly hurt by her actions. One minute she says she loves me, the next she is telling me she is moving away with some guy. How am i supposed to help her and help myself get through this? what am i supposed to do? I am worried, hurt, and tired.


Posts: 7 | From: New York, New York | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
Activist
Member # 384

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My heart goes out to you.

It comes down to this. You can only do so much for somebody else. Your ex-girlfriend is an adult, entitled to make her own choices, even stupid ones. Only you can decide how much you have to give her in the way of support.

There is one important thing for you to believe, though. If and when you hit a point where you feel that you simply have nothing more emotionally to give her, that by supporting her you are seriously hurting yourself, it's okay to say so. You don't have to feel guilty, and you don't have to be superhuman; we all have our limits and when those limits are reached it's okay to say "no."

Good luck to both of you.


Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TomCat
Neophyte
Member # 8515

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My advice to you would be to tell her once and for all and the very last time that you care about her and dont want to see her get hurt but that you can't take her crap anymore and if she isnt willing to change. You can either be willing to make the decision to move on or continue to be a friend and only a friend and make that perfectly clear to her that your not a mat she can just walk on and off of when things get bad. You can only be hurt so many times as it seems you have been before you cant take anymore and then whatever feelings you had for her will most likely be gone for her and she will be the one in the end who is sorry not knowing what a good thing she had when she had it. Help yourself first before trying to help anyone else! Take a break from her,but let her know you are doing so and explain that your not mad at her just her actions towards you. I hope I have helped. Good Luck And Keep Us Posted on your final out come : )

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[TomCat]


Posts: 21 | From: Philly,PA-Reston,VA-[USA] | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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