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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Suicidal Teen

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Author Topic: Suicidal Teen
bob18
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HELP ME!!!
I have been very depressed recently and dont know why! It started when my G/F and I split up! I started to contemplate slitting my wrists night in night out. Then it was a question of the courage to do it! When I had plucked up the courage I saw my (then Ex)G/F to say "goodbye" and bury the hatchet!
She took it the wrong way and asked me out again!
Hoorah! Problem solved I was happy again!
But only for a couple of days!
I then got depressed again and am only happy when Im getting attention from HER! Sexual OR emotional didnt matter EITHER!
We are still together But as we're seeing 1 another less and less Im getting worse and worse!
I know that I DO love her but why arent I happy about it?
I have made a new friend (also female) who I met on a forum site and we chat and stuff by email and SMS! This makes me happy and she can symphasise with me!
BUT STILL I REALY WANNA SLIT MY WRISTS!
HELLP!!! Please!

P.S. Im NOT gunna C my Doc This is MENTAL not CHEMICAL!


Posts: 27 | From: Poole, Dorset, England | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lilfran14
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Dony worry iwasnt going to tell you to go see a doc anyways, i hate it when people tell me that. It seems like this girlfriend of yours is not much help to your depression, it acually seems like shes the one triggering it. There is nothing in life worth dieing over, trust me, and everyone else on this site. In stead of slitting your wrist punch a pillow, or take a piece of paper and a pen and scribble all over it, slitting your wrist will get you know where hun. Be strong, i know you can do it.

Try to find another girl that can give u attention emotional and sexualy. Im sure theres someone out there. IT will help you get over this other girl. Good luck hun

------------------
~*Katie Frances*~

Dave I miss you so much!! Come home as soon as possbile! I love you!

"In the land of the free, home of the brave, why is it that i still feel like a slave.?"

"And all i wanted was somebody who carres"


Posts: 183 | From: Buffalo, NY :) | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PoetgirlNY
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Check out this thread on suicide: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum9/HTML/000379.html

And this thread on depression: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum9/HTML/000370.html

------------------
Limes Are Sublime

[This message has been edited by PoetgirlNY (edited 04-18-2002).]


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kythryne
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Hi Bob,

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. Check out the links PoetGirl gave you -- there's some excellent information on this site that could help.

Also, I'd strongly suggest that you find someone to talk to about this -- a counciler, a therapist, a trusted older friend or relative. It's perfectly okay to ask for help, hon.

------------------
Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Sexpert

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey


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bob18
Neophyte
Member # 7848

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I cannt think of any reason to live!
"Life is a meaningless drive that you take alone, might aswell enjoy the ride tke the long route home" - Bloodhound Gang
"Life is a life-long misery with spots of tempory pleasure" - Me
"If Im gone when tommorow comes the machine moves on" - Mortiis

[This message has been edited by bob18 (edited 04-19-2002).]


Posts: 27 | From: Poole, Dorset, England | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bob18
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My life in a Nut shell
----------------------
I have spoken to GOOD friends, family members and even a few strangers but talking dont help!
I have tried everything thinkable to get my stress out - DONT WORK!
I cannt leave my girlfriend cos LOVE ONLY COMES ONCE! and i know Im young but THIS IS LOVE!!! And shes the one KEEPING me ALIVE!
My parents first dated when they were younger than us and have never split up!

All through life Ive been in emotional and physical pain! I lived in London for a few truely HAPPY years then moved here to the country! And my life turned SOUR!!!
I was picked on verbally and physically for my London accent and city-ways, I fought day in day out and always won! But they continued! Then I first attempted suicide at the age of 10 I threw my self of our roof!
I broke my legs and one of them hasnt healed properly meaning I cant stand straight, walk straight, or run (AT ALL)!
Then the fights got worse and I tried to drown my self (I cannt swim) by throwing my self off a rocky pier at the age of 12, Coast-guard got me!
Then my mental issues started and I grew a short temper, meaning that I flipped and threw items around the room when provoked!
Bullying worsened!
Attempt 3, I layed below a car and kicked out the jack!
As my breaths shortened I blacked out and a passer-by pulled me out!
Now Im out of school, with a girl I love, good friends, and a close family!
Sounds great eh!?!
My second eldest cousin (with whom Im quite close) has Leukemia, My eldest cousin is up the creek cos of drug dealing and driving without a liscence and people are being prejudice just because all this trauma has turned me into a hard-core GOTH!
I have taken up heavy drinking (15 a day on lager, 20 a week on vodka) and am out of a job in a few weeks cos the shop is closing down! There are no jobs in the area that appeal to me (not even SLIGHTY) and even BK and MacDonalds are full!
Still at least I have my Girlfriend!
oh and 1 thing that doesnt help is I have a secretly Transvestite Dad who Im not very close to (never have been)!
I WILL NOT SEE A SHRINK!
OR A DOC!!!

[This message has been edited by bob18 (edited 04-25-2002).]


Posts: 27 | From: Poole, Dorset, England | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dude_who_writes
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Bob,

Honestly, professional help is really the only answer. I truly have to admit that I don't understand your strong aversion against seeking help from someone who actually can help. What it amounts to is that there is no staff member or volunteer here at the boards who is trained to the level of psychology/psychiatry and can counsel/treat you over the boards.

Truthfully, communication does help. It might take longer than you're willing to wait, but it really is the only way to help you. Particularly from someone who has a strong background in psychological treatment. Your repeated suicide attempts suggust that there might be some deeper-seeded psychological problem, but as I've stated, I'm not a psychologist and I can't diagnose you.

What it ultimately comes down to is that if you're not willing to first help your self by seeking out someone who knows what they're doing, then no one can help you. That my seem harsh, but that's the utter truth. There's nothing anyone can do for you unless you're willing to take that first step.

------------------
Tim
Scarleteen Advocate

"Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the faces you people make mid-coitus." -- Metatron (Dogma)


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bob18
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Firstly it doesnt sound harsh but trueful!
And secondly I wont see a doc cos all they do is listen and countless people AND SHRINKS have done that all my life!
Im not "crazy" just depressed!
My suicide attempts were due to a previous depression I hadnt EVEN thought about suicide until a coule of weeks ago for 4 years!
But as my family and life are
"Up the Creek" I cannt help but want to die!
If anyone else thinks I should my G/f then let me tell you this...
If it wasnt for her constant care and charms I would be buried weeks ago!
I love her she "thinks" she loves me (she fears it as her last Love abused her)!

The one thing that kept me going is the hope of meeting a friend I found online and she knows it! She is supportive and took time off WORK to talk me around!
But the hope doesnt work no more and I dunno what to do!


Posts: 27 | From: Poole, Dorset, England | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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well bob, you are pretty aware about your problem. but what are you really doing about it? we have told you already to seek professional help, but you are shrugging off the absolute BEST possible advice we can give you. Depression CAN be treated, it's all a matter of seeking treatment. So you can come into this forum and talk about being suicidal all you want, but it's a poor substitute for seeking REAL treatment 'cause there's only so many time and so many ways we can tell you go see a counselor.

i knew someone who shrugged off advice to seek professional help (see Suicide thread). He jumped from a 9th story ledge a few weeks ago. His death neither made him any more appreciated, nor glamourized. He's simply deceased.

------------------
oh, don't even po-mo me, baby...


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badly_behaved_badger
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I'm sorry you feel like this, bob. I think you might be suicidal and depressed because of things that happened in the past. Thats just an idea I got from looking at my own life. I have been bullied physically and verbally for years, but only now that it's stopped (well almost)that I'm beginning to feel any of it. It's almost like when they were actually doing it, I stepped out of my body and just watched it happen. But now I feel so angry and hurt about it. Luckily I have 2 very close friends who are helping me. You need to talk to someone you're close to and tell them everything. Just let it all out. It will make you feel better, honestly!
*lotsa hugs from da bajjah*

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Please understand that while we're happy to help provide support here, our policy with suicide attempts or expressed wishes to attempt suicide, especially repeated, is generally to report them, as we can have no way of knowing how serious a poster is or isn't.

That given, what I would suggest is that you find a way to make this a discussion about what you can do to improve the quality of your life and manage your depression. And if that isn't something you're willing to do, no one can offer help or support, nor can any of our staff or volunteers endorse suicide either actively or passively.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bob18
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Just thought I'de update you lot on recent events!
After numberous long chats with True Friends, Family, and a COUNCILOR (ta-dah) I have realised (been told) that the reason for being depressed for so long is that Im "not fitting in" as my councilor says.
Basically ever since I moved to the country, where everyone FEARS change, from the city, where I was accepted as ME, I have been "like a fish out of water" meaning that the longer I stay here the worse it will get!
So to help myself I have arranged regular trips back to the city and in a few months I wish to travel to Europe possibly never to return to this backward town!
As for how this site has helped me...
1) I wouldnt have seen my Doc otherwise,
2) It helped me get my strain out of my system,
3) You all helped me (especialy Da Bajja for symphasising with me and KNOWING what its like) realise that in a way I MISS BEING BULLIED!
4) You all gave me support when I needed it!

Thanx
-----

ALL IS ALL A SUCCESS!

[This message has been edited by bob18 (edited 04-25-2002).]


Posts: 27 | From: Poole, Dorset, England | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fireryredhead
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I know that I am new here, but I do know a thing or two about recovery. For you to have a recovery that quickly and certian, is not only remarkable but unbelieveable too. I am going to be attending Yale in the fall to ferther my education to be a social worker/councilor. So i dont go saying this without background knowledge. I honestly think you are doing this for attenction, or just a quick way out. Not "fitting in" is just the surface of the problem. If you wish to better yourself you need to stay in the sessions. Please do not take what i say as the absloute answer. seek professional help get better.
Katelin

------------------
books NOT to give your kids:

"POP goes the hampster and other fun mircowave games"


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bob18
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It is NOT a miracluous recovery!
I just feel better in my self not 100% sure but better than -million%!!!
Im not an ATTENTION seeker as if I was surely I wouldnt say that I was better in myself but that its getting worse so to drag on the attention!?!
You dont know me, what Ive been through nor how much I DO miss city life!
Having been bullied since moving down here that is understandable but the mo Im happy to think to myself that Ill be leaving soon!
Okay Im still to come to grips with leaving my g/f who I love dearly and my numberous friends most of whom like me moved here from a city or other "country" town and HATE it in my area!
The prejudism that we all get i this town and its surroundings are unbelievable! Just cos we speak, act, or think differently we are FORCED to become outcasts, yet those who are born here and become like us are considered to be the "pick of the crop"!

I cannt wait to leave this town and leave all this behind me!


Posts: 27 | From: Poole, Dorset, England | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fireryredhead
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I must say you do have some self-esteem issuse, maybe some underlying anger issues also.
You are right, I don't know you. Just like you don't know me. We
<as in the people who post at scarleteen> don't know anyone really, we only know you as much as you tell us. By posting here you should expect that.
Don't worry about what others say about you. What they say should not make or brake the real you. Believe me, the country life is deffinatly harder social wise then the city is. I recently moved from a wee little town in New Hampshire to the middle of Boston. The towns population was 2000, while Boston is quite a bit larger. I can feel for you when you talk about the difficulties. I am also sorry for starting off on the wrong foot, I seem to have started off with that same foot with Miz Scarlet... hmmm
Lets start over
Hi, my name is Katelin, putter there!

------------------
books NOT to give your kids:

"POP goes the hampster and other fun mircowave games"


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Bob, when you ask for help and advice, people are going to give it to you. if you don't want it, don't ask for it or ppost about it in public forums like these.

All you have to do if someone, like Katelin, suggests something that doesn't apply to you, or you don't feel is salient, is not use that particular advice.

But yelling at people for offering their help is not okay to do here.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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little-star
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I read everything you said Bob and I don't really know what to say to make things ok. I have been through tough times and felt like my world was going to end and I got through it knowing that there were people that cared, eg family, friends.
Just think about what would happen if you did die. No more chocolate ice cream or your fave tv show, hugs, your g/f, messing around with your friends, listening to your fave music, and all of the things that you love and that tie you to the world. Also think of what would happen to your family and the people close to you. Killing your self would hurt them more then anything and there's no way to heal the pain because you're gone.

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bob18
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I would like to appologise (again) for being so rude its just that although my wish for suicide is all but gone, Im still depressed and am just in a really rotten mood the mo.
The reason for this, rather unlike me, bad mood is that reasontly Ive been having emotional problems with my girlfriend! Namely that shed rather blame me for my actions (regardless to reasons of doing them) than listen to what I have to say!
For instance the fact that for the last 4 years Ive been doing some voluntary community work in the form of youth work at the local youthclub for 12/13 yr olds, she has recently started to "help out" there also but instead of working she socialises, even on days that we the kids are manic (like last night)!
I was slapped twice for foceing open a door that the kids had blocked up with their bodies, shouted at numberous times for doing my job (stopping the kids from leaving the site) and yelled at for being me!
As I cannt take this nomore Im considering dumping her, problem is due to a weak immediate family bond, she was the only thing keeping me alive. But I am not suicidal no more, and might leave for Europe earlier than planned!
My friends are growing more and more distant which I why I try to connect to a friend I found online! Her and I have a rather trusting friendship and talk to one another regularly!
I would like to appologise for having a go at Katelin (fireyredhead) and wish to emphasise that I DO like and want your advise (regardless to how I may first react) after all thats why I posted it here at scarleteen! So basically regardless to how mondane it seems please any feadback is welcome!

Bob


Posts: 27 | From: Poole, Dorset, England | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
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I'm a little fuzzy on who exactly slapped you, Bob. Your girlfriend? If so, you two need to have a serious talk. Physical violence in anger is simply not acceptable in a relationship. It's abuse, and it should not be tolerated.

Now, if she's supposed to be supervising these kids and she's not doing it, the good news is that it's not your problem. The bad news is that it is your supervisor's problem and somebody (probably you) needs to tell your supervisor what's going on so that he or she can have a talk with your girlfriend about sticking to her responsibilities. It's great that she wants to volunteer, but it's not easy to keep a measure of authority with kids who are only a few years younger than you are. If she can't manage it then maybe she needs to find a new outlet for her altruistic desires (or a different place to socialize).

I wish you the best of luck on your travels, and hope that they do help with your depression. I went through a period of depression after a move at 16 (I still refer to that time in my life as my "culture shock"), so I know how much your environment can affect your mood. However, many years later I've also come to understand that it's not the environment outside that matters most, it's the environment inside my head. The excitement of travel may give you a boost out of your depression, but after that it's up to you. If you make a conscious decision to try to find the best in wherever you are, to see people (including yourself) in the best light possible, and to be happy in your own skin whenever you can, you're going to be basically happy no matter where you are.

Take care.


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bob18
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Lady Moonlight wrote
"I'm a little fuzzy on who exactly slapped you, Bob. Your girlfriend? If so, you two need to have a serious talk. Physical violence in anger is simply not acceptable in a relationship. It's abuse, and it should not be tolerated."
It was my girlfriend yes but she is now my Ex in my eyes and until she attempts to appologise WE ARE NOT TALKING!

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glitter695
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Bob, whatever you are going though, Im sure is really tough. But PLEASE dont rasie your voice at the voulenteers. She didnt know that she was your ex, and that you werent speaking to her.

Anything that is in caps is considered yelling.

Thank you! glitter695 *~*~Scarleteen Advocate*~*

------------------
*~*~12/3/99*~*
Bobaroony & Erica Bearica
<3 love forever!

Monk N Bear~ Best Friends Forever! ~Luv ya babe!

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

One ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Heather Corinna


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bob18
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sorry I was just emphasizing the point, or shouting at my Ex, I wasnt targeting it at her! Sorry again!

[This message has been edited by bob18 (edited 04-30-2002).]


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Lilfran14
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Dont be sad bobbooo be happy
Posts: 183 | From: Buffalo, NY :) | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bob18
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quote:
Originally posted by Lilfran14:
Dont be sad bobbooo be happy

I am happy
Im over my depression I thought I said that earlier! Sorry if it wasnt made clear but Im on top of the world at the moment!
Bob


Posts: 27 | From: Poole, Dorset, England | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lilfran14
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Well you might have made it clear and i just didnt read it very well. Well i am soo happy you are over your depression, you worried me there alot, Good luck along the rest of the way.

------------------
~*Katie Frances*~

Why is it that in the
land of the free, home
of the brave, why is it
that i still feel like a
slave.?"

"And all i wanted was somebody
who carres"

"I know you had to go away,
i died just a little and
i feel it now your the one
i need, i belive that i
would cry just a little
just to have you back
now here with me!"


Posts: 183 | From: Buffalo, NY :) | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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