Hi, this is my first post, I hope I'm on the right board, I apologize if I'm not.
I've been depressed for several years and have been on medication twice-the first time it did help somewhat but after I stopped taking it, I relapsed and the second time with the same medication didn't do much good. I had some counselling for a little while, but again, that didn't do much for me. The treatments and therapy started when I was 16, I'm now 18 and worse than ever.
I don't have a job, I don't go to college, I have no friends and I rarely leave my house. I have a horrible relationship with my parents, but I'm stuck at home because I have nowhere else to go, and wouldn't even know how to take care of myself if I did. I feel like I'm wasting my life away.
I wish I could just wipe out my whole life and start over...in fact, I've tried that and I screwed it up. I just feel so lost and so confused. I don't know what I'm thinking or feeling from one minute to the next and I seem to be incapable of doing anything. I am not a stupid person, I want more than this for myself, but I just feel like there's too much bad stuff, too much unhappiness to ever be able to move on.
I'm sorry to sound so whiny and pathetic, but please don't yell at me. I know there are so many people with problems much bigger than mine, and I must sound incredibly selfish, but I guess I'm just hoping that someone out there will understand.
Hi, searching, and welcome to the boards! You're definitely in the right place.
I understand what you're going through -- my partner and I have both struggled with depression for years, and it's taken us a long time to find things that helped us do better. Depression is a serious thing, and can be very difficult to treat effectively.
You said you were on the same medication twice, and that it didn't really work for you either time. Did you ever talk to your doctor about switching to another type of anti-depressant? It can take trying several different types of medication to find one that works, so you really shouldn't give up on that avenue of help yet.
And the same thing goes for seeing a therapist -- not all therapists will be able to help you. The first therapist I worked with was able to help a bit with my immediate problems, but I didn't really make any long-term progress while I was seeing her. The therapist I'm seeing now is absolutely fabulous, and I'm making huge strides in getting my life around to what I want it to be.
It sounds like you really do want to get better, so I strongly encourage you to go back and talk to your doctor about trying other medications, and to look into find another therapist who might be more compatable with you and your issues. Things really can get better, hon -- it just takes some work.
In the interim, can you try some things like journaling to help you sort through your feelings? And you can always come here to talk about your problems, too. That's exactly what the Support Groups forum is for -- for people with issues to talk and get feedback from others who've been there too. I hope some of this helps, and please don't hesitate to look around the site and check out some of the articles. Three Steps Forward, One Step Back - A Scarleteen Volunteer's Story is an excellent first-hand experience from one of the other Support Groups moderators -- I'd definitely suggest checking it out when you get a chance.
Hello Kythryne, thank you for your kind reply.
I don't feel really good about going back on medication...I know that it does wonderful things for a lot of people, but I'm just don't feel that it's right for me. Same goes for therapy, although I am keeping an open mind about both.
I have a meeting with a careers advisor this week, and a place at college in September-if I want it. And I do, but finding the motivation is sometimes really hard.
The appointment with the career advisor sounds like an excellent thing. Having work that you enjoy is very important to good mental health. Some of my worst times with depression were when I was working at a job that was quite good financially, but completely wrong for me in every possible way. I'm not making nearly as much money these days, but I'm not suicidal, either, so I figure it's worth it.
And if you really want to persue college, why not go ahead and enroll? It might give you some additional motivation, knowing that you're committed to doing at least that first semester. College should also get you out of the house and meeting some like-minded people, which is almost always a good thing for aleviating depression.
Kythster is right on this one - perhaps one of the *best* things you can do is enroll in college, even if it is just for a class, or 2, in the beginning. Just adding that aspect of structure in your life might do wonders for putting the other issues in better perspective!
Posts: 442 | From: Dublin, OH USA | Registered: Jul 2000
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