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Author Topic: Strange Days
Rio
Activist
Member # 2072

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I hope this is the right place to post this. ::sigh:: This is probably nothing but it worries me a lot.
My babysitter's husband (now ex-husband) used to give me roses once a year when he gave them to his wife. They were like grandparents to me. He also used to kiss me a lot. I would get mad at him for it when I was little.
One day, my babysitter went out to do some errands and she left me with her husband. We were having fun playing the piano. He played "Blueberry Hill" and "Chantelly Lace" (sp.?). I was having lots of fun.
The next thing I remember I woke up on a bed in the back room. I don't remember falling asleep. I had a crib to sleep in, and I rarely if ever slept on those beds in that room. I thought it was weird at the time so I got up and went to ask him what happened. He said I fell asleep.
I have been told I can dissociate by my counselor. Maybe that has something to do with it.
Like I said, these people were like family.
When they were getting divorced I asked my babysitter why because I didn't understand. She commensed to tell me that her husband had a mean-streak. That he had been rough on their sons when they were boys. Also that she and her husband weren't getting along. I know he had a temper. But he was usually really nice to me. Though he gives me the creeps.
I get these things in bits and pieces. considering his history, the things that were going on there, and the things that were happening to me (by other people in the same house), I'm afraid he might have done something to me . (are those substantial reasons to be worried?) It would explain some of the things his grandsons tried to do to me. Do you think thats within the realm of possibility or am I out of my mind, saying this about an old man? Is excessive kissing from a grown man wrong? I would really like to know what you think. Thanks for listening.

Hugs,
Rio

P.S. I hope that makes sense.
P.S.S. Sorry for all the editing.
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"There are a lot of hidden nerds. I'm aware of the exciting man in Trent The Nine Inch, but I can see the nerd in him, too. People who become the front runners often used to be outcasts or loners." - Tori Amos

[This message has been edited by Rio (edited 07-29-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Rio (edited 07-29-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Rio (edited 07-30-2001).]


Posts: 60 | From: near Indianapolis | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mary
Activist
Member # 2769

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Rio, it's not wrong at all to be suspicious of someone doing something inappropriate to you. You said yourself that you didn't like the kisses he gave you; if he did them in excess then something was wrong with the situation... Unless you noticed he was unually affectionate with EVERYONE. But it's still not okay to make a child uncomfortable by kissing her and buying her roses... Or an adult for that matter. It doesn't matter if he was 20, 50, or 80. Anyone is capable of sexual assault. Suspicians usually don't just pop out of nowhere...

Maybe you can work on this with your counselor. He (or she) may be able to help you remember the night you woke up in the bed. And then you can go from there. If this "memory" is affecting your life negatively you might want to think about therapy sessions to help you come to terms with things that did or didn't happen. Good luck to you, hon.

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Don't mess with Texas


Posts: 500 | From: Ohio, U.S.A. | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Hey there.

Tough subject, and complex as heck, but I'll do my best.

First of all, mary is right -- your counselor is the best person to address this with since he/she has your whole history, and can see you in person.

That aside, as a sexual abuse victim, what I can say for myself is this: what I did or didn't remember about my abuse (and there was plenty of remembering as well as not remembering) didn't really make a difference in terms of my own healing. Memory experts basically talk about how no memories are in fact, facts, but that they are our perceptions of an event, which, over time, change a great deal. In other words, our memories of events really don't offer us much -- it's what events leave us with that we have that is tangible.

In other words, the most productive thing to do is likely to focus on the issue at hand right in the here and now: what feelings or issues do you feel that this -- your suspicions, your residual feelings, reggardless of what did or did not happen -- is triggering and that you need to address?

In other words, if someone close to us dies, we can't call them up and vent, we can only work with what we have surrounding the issue. Make sense?

Depending on what you discover the issues are, what you can also do is flatly ask this person about what you suspect. While someone who abused someone may or may not be honnest, their reaction is often very telling, and it may give you some of the answers you feel you need.

I hope that at least gets you started.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rio
Activist
Member # 2072

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Thank you

Rio

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"There are a lot of hidden nerds. I'm aware of the exciting man in Trent The Nine Inch, but I can see the nerd in him, too. People who become the front runners often used to be outcasts or loners." - Tori Amos


Posts: 60 | From: near Indianapolis | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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