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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » i got turned down for the 1st time

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Author Topic: i got turned down for the 1st time
Member # 1021

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he had said that he wanted to mess around, and he had told his friend that he liked me...but i just find out tonight (from the girl who is supposed to be my GOOD friend) that, "im not his type" and that he was supposed to tell me "how it is" yesterday but didnt. i feel really bad about this. i've been told my numerous people (especially guys) how gorgeous i am. so why do i feel so ugly and depressed? is there anything i can do to help myself?
Posts: 63 | From: Virginia, U.S.A | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Stop basing your self-image on what other people think of you.

In earnest, I remember very clearly the first time someone made it clear they weren't interested in me when I was in them, and it totally threw me for a loop. Until that happened -- and hit me really hard -- I'd had no idea how much I was basing my self-worth on what I was "worth" to others. Thankfully, that happened pretty early on in my life, and I snapped out of it really fast. It's a road to nowhere.

None of us -- no matter how smart, beautiful or wonderful we are -- can be accepted and adored and admired by everyone (and thank goodness, because it'd be awfully hard to have a real life of value if we were). At times in our lives, we may even find we can't seem to find anyone to recognize us for all that we are. And while that's tough, it's long as you aren't using others to validate yourself.

So, make a change. That's life --- we aren't everyone's type. We'll get rejected -- for sex, love, jobs, schools, apartments, friendships, what have you -- a lot of times in our lives if we're like most of the populace (and we all pretty much are). We can weather pretty much any kind of rejection if that rejection doesn't start with us rejecting ourselves.

Wish the guy well, move on, and hey, maybe thank him for giving you a clue so that you can find a better way of gaining your own self-esteem.

On your own. That's the only way that works in the long haul.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 06-06-2001).]

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2050

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You know, when he means "not his type", he idn't necessarily mean that you are too ugly for him. Have you thought about the fact that he means just that? That you are simply not the kind of girl he likes?

And if that is the case, it isn't your problem. You are who you are and he simply liks girls who are different from you. Does that mean you are useless, not as good or ugly? No.

I have turned down a few guys in my time with the same excuse. And no, I didn't mean that they were too ugly for me. They were people I adored but people I just wouldn't consider as more than a friend for reasons like compatibility.

And Miz S is right. Stop basing your looks on how other people see you. Don't feel pretty only when someone says you are pretty. You have to learn to love yourself my dear.

You are made up of more than what someone else thinks of you.

Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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