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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » My mom's past...

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Author Topic: My mom's past...
Member # 3118

Icon 1 posted      Profile for towel42     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ok, I'm feeling a teensy bit depressed.

Keep in mind before I say anything further, that when it comes to the subject of abortions, I'm pro-choice, and I'm certainly not trying to judge anyone.

Ok, moving on. I feel guilty posting this, 'cause its like talking behind my mom's back, but I trust you bunch. You really are the most supportive people. At any rate, I'm an only child. A very lonely only child. I learned around a month ago that my mom had an abortion when she was much younger. I could deal with that, knowing she was young and couldn't possibly have handled a child at that time.

But as it turns out, she's had not one abortion, not two abortions, but four abortions. I'm the only one of five pregnancies that popped out fully formed. And her fourth abortion she had done when I was seven years old. I'd had no idea that she was pregnant back then, let alone had an abortion.

I don't really know how to feel about all of this. I really am pro-choice, but its different when it hits this close to home. Like I said, I'm an only child, and a lonely one at that. I've always wanted a brother or sister. Preferably, an older brother, I don't know why that specifically. Someone to talk to, I guess, someone that could offer me insight into guys.

Its tearing at me that I *might* have had an older brother, or even a little sister. You know what I'm saying? I love my mom with all my heart but I still feel angry at her to some extent. I don't know what to do! I mean, there *is* nothing to do, what's done is done. But how should I feel? Just typing this is making me want to cry so hard, and I don't know why.

If anyone has insights, or similar experiences, or anything, I'd really appreciate the replies.

------------------ angel who didn't so much fall as saunter vaguely downwards...

"Ni! Ni! Niii!" -Monty Python & the Holy Grail

"Ennui is insufficient reason to commit suicide." -Neil Gaiman

Posts: 256 | From: Illinois | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2047

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hey sweetie,
you poor dear. thats a terrible thing to hear about your mother. i can only imagine how you're feeling right now.
however i, myself have had a similar experience.
up until last year, i was an only child. until one day when my dad brought home this really cute guy i didn't recognize. his name was mat and my dad told me he was his girlfriend's son (btw, my parents are separated but living together...long story) and she had to go on a business trip in florida so he'd be staying with us. i guess my mother was angry with my dad's dishonesty, so about a month after thinking im not related to mat, i find out he was from my dad's first mariage but after his ex wife had him, she left my dad. suposibly his ex wife is now in rehab and mat (who's 19) has been living with his friends for over 2 years.
so now, i have a brother. i'm thinking "great!" this is what i've always wanted. and its true and we get along great, but i do miss the privacy. also, i found out my mom had 3 miscariages before me and an abortion after me, and i WAS appaled by this. i am now, as well, pro choice, i just didnt know any better at the time.
but i was angry at her, i know how you feel.
i also know how your mother must feel (i've had a miscariage..i know its not the same, but i know what its like to be pregnant at a young age)
i know this is really long (yah, sorry bout that!) i guess i just really know what you're going through.
but keep in mind that you're mother probably has her reasons and its very dificult to be a young mother.
i hope you and your mom can talk about this and i hope you feel better.
if you ever need to talk about anything, just let me know.
God bless hun

Posts: 56 | From: to,cnd | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1194

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Aww, darlin you've certainly got a reason to feel upset. A lot of things, even if you fully support them, feel different when they hit you personally. Just know that your mother certainly didn't do it to affect you in any way, especially since she hid it from you... I'm sure the last thing she'd want is to know you're upset about her decision. Maybe talking to her would be a good idea?

You should make amends with you if only for better health. But if you really want to live, why not try and Make Yourself?

Posts: 543 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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I think lilnerd 'hit the nail right on the head', on this one.

It's real easy to say what you'd do or what you believe in ... but it's another thing when you're in the situation yourself.

I honestly don't know what it's like to be an only child. But something just hit me while i was reading your post ... Have you ever thought of volunteering at one of those big sister organization thingys? Of course it's not gonna be the biological bond that you're looking for, but it will be someone for you to look out for and you'll be helping a little girl the same predicament that you're in right now. Just a thought.

If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 961

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Abortions can be extremely upsetting. Which is a good reason to assume your mother had hers because they seemed the best option to her. My friend's mother had an abortion some years ago because her husband raped her very shortly after an extremely difficult and dangerous birth. She already had three children, very little money, and likely would have been killed by having another baby. I'm pretty damn sure, by what I know of this woman that having an abortion was not a choice she wanted to make, but it was the best one for her. I also know that some women have difficulty finding efficient contraception, or find themselves in situations where having a child just wouldn't be the right thing for them to do. Please, try not to be upset by things that happened so long ago.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3634

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I think that you should talk to your mom and see why she decided to have an abortion. At the time she might of thought it was the best choice. Also is your mother pro-choice too?? Also was she using contraceptions to help prevent pregnancy?? Talk to her, you'll feel alot better.


Posts: 87 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2769

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Originally posted by towel42:
Ok, I'm feeling a teensy bit depressed....
I don't know what to do! I mean, there *is* nothing to do, what's done is done. But how should I feel? Just typing this is making me want to cry so hard, and I don't know why.

Hey, Towel **huggles**. I'm sorry you're feeling depressed about what your mom did. I would probably feel depressed as well. But you know what? How your feeling is 100% correct. Why? Because your feelings don't lie. If you meet someone new and have a bad feeling about them, no matter how hard you try, you can't ignore the feeling. Sometimes it's hard when you don't understand why you feel sad or mad or angry or happy about something, but don't deny your feelings.

I know what's done is done in your mother's situation, but now that you've been informed of it, YOUR situation has just begun (if that makes any sense). In the words of my mother, "It's not what happens to you or anybody else, but how you handle it that matters most." Take care of your feelings... Talk them out with your mother. #1: You'll get to hear the WHOLE story (if you haven't already): how she felt, how she feels now, why she did it. And #2: She'll get to hear how you're feeling, and she can help you get through it.

I'm an only child as well, and I don't know how I would react if I found out that my mother had several abortions (I am pro-choice as well), but I would probably feel uncertain and upset about it... Just because it affects my life too, you know?

I'm glad you're working out your feelings and talking about them here with us. We're always here for you . I hope everything works out all right... Take care of your self, and I hope your mother has a wonderful mother's day (even if only one of her children is alive today).

Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

"Well, I use fertilizer and a new product I got at The Home Depot."

Posts: 500 | From: Ohio, U.S.A. | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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