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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Sad state of mind...sad girl... sad in general...

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Author Topic: Sad state of mind...sad girl... sad in general...
Member # 2273

Icon 1 posted      Profile for sillygirl182     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 

I dunno what's with me but for the past 2 months I have felt generally unhappy. Like i mean i do laugh... not often... but sometimes. So i dunno if you can call this chronic depression or not...

I have been chronically depressed before... it lasted like a year and half... but that was in Grade 7 and 8 and now I'm well into 10th grade...

everyone seems to think my life is so perfect... and when you really lay down the facts i guess at a frist glace it should be.
-straight A student
-family with parents still together
-boyfriend of 8 months who really loves me
etc. etc.

but it seems i can only find the pessimistic sides to all these. Like... last week when i got my report kid some girl in my math class would not leave me alone for like 45 minutes just because she got a higher mark than me in the class... cause she beat "the smart girl"

and i used to be so optimistic... i used to be able to see the good in everyone... but now i find myself avoiding people just so i don't have to deal with them...

And i kow this is typical of parents but all mine do is nag. I never get any time for myself. If I simply even want to go for a walk up my street to be alone with my thougfhts or somethig I'm not allowed to leave because "I could be kidnapped or raped or something horrible like that"... i know those things can happen but I live in a small town out in the suburbs that barely has any crime.... but my mom is sooooo paranoid and controling. She even has a rule where I can only go out once on a school night and ih ave to be home by 9. and I am 16.

Like tonight... i asked to go 4 houses down the road to listen to my best guy friend's band play on his back porch for an hour. She claimed this would be my one night out for the whole week when i already have major plans with my bf for wednesday cause it's our 8 month anniversary. She won't bend the rule in the slightest... and it's not like I had anything else to do. I have no homework and now since I wasn't allowed to go I am left here to rot at home and do absolutley nothing while SHE gets to go for a walk to get away from me leaving me here with my brother who i don't even get along with at all in the first place....

I guess these complaints are general to all those teenagers out there. But it seems like they have someone to express them to. I don't. At school i don't seem to fit in anywhere... literally there are 2 groups at my school... those girls who say "Oh my god! I was soooo high on saturday... and i was drunk outta my mind" and than there's the type who are constantly in the library studying at lunch. I fit in neither one of these. And although I am friends with all the people in both of these groups.. i feel as though I dont have any solid friendships with everyone.

There's only one person I can seem to turn to. And that's my b/f. He really is a best friend to me... but it many ways that scares me. He's the best guy in the world and promises to love me forever but.. at 16 ... how can i believe those promises? And the fact that he is the only one who I can turn to... if i ever lost him... what would become of me....

and when i'm with him i don't really wanna talk about all my probs cause he's the only one that makes me happy... and when i do tell him my probs he is completely supportive and wonderful... but it only makes me dwell on them more...

sometimes i just feel numb... i'll sit in my room and just lay on my bed and space out... i'm not sleeping... i'm not thinking... i'm either crying or feeling numb...

I guess it;s harder because i'm not really allowed to express how i feel... well it seems that way... like when i cry about something.. my parents say i am being sillly and force me to stop crying... or yell at me until they are so mad at me that they won't talk to me for a week.... which only makes me feel worse... but i bottle it all up inside becuase THEY want me too...

nothign I do seems to be for me... nothing..

you know how people have hobbies? things that help them cope with stuff? like drawing? or running? or something... i don't have one.... saying that makes me cry and i dunno why... but i have no realease for anything... i've tried to find something but nothing works...

i'm sorry this post is a complete mess... i... i just have alot on my mind and no one to spill it out to... i don't even think i;'ve covered enough here for anyone to understand...

but if you make any sense of any of this... please respond....


Posts: 61 | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2047

Icon 1 posted      Profile for fLoWuRz     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
aww hun, my heart goes out to you. and i can only tell you how much i know what you're going through. i'm in that exact situation myself, and before i got profesional help, i thought i was screwed. i cant tell you how much you remind me of me...and just hearing about what you're going through, i find myself reminicing of those times i once encountered. just let me tell you one thing are NOT alone. i've been going to a psychologist for almost a year now and at first she thought i had an emotion disorder..until she got a second opinion and i was diagnosed with depression. i'm not saying thats what you have because i cant diagnose you, a doctor has to do that. but alot of your symptoms are very similar to mine and i advise that you seek some prefesional help. theres lots of community social groups you can go to, and psychologists, and even your teachers at school, or your school counsellor.
it sounds like something may be causing you to have such a pesimistic attitude about yourself, but like i said before, i cant be the judge of that.
so please, get some help and i just want you to know that you arent alone and you sound like a great person so dont let others get you down
God bless and good luck

Posts: 56 | From: to,cnd | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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Flowurz is right; no one here can diagonose you.

All i guess i can tell is that you need someone to talk to. Coming to the boards (which you are always welcome to do) will only work for so long. You need someone qualified in this kind of field (psychology) to help you out.

I got help through my school. I simply went to the guidance office and said that i needed someone to talk to, and i didn't want it to be just a regular guidance counsellor. So now i have a social worker who i meet w/ every 2 wks. And it really does help.

I also know what it's like not to fit in. I'm still sort of the new girl in school. I came at the beginning of the school year and didn't know anyone. I hopped from "groups" of friends until i finally found the right match. You will too. Have you ever thought of being involved in school activities? I was a student leader in my old school and i miss that so so much ...

Feel free to contact me on icq if you ever need to talk, sweetie. I'm always here to listen.

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2769

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Dear Not-feeling-so-silly-girl,

I have had your unhappy symptoms many, many times. ::Sigh::. Not fun, are they? It seems they're really affecting your life negatively, and if that's the case, maybe you could talk to a guidance counselor at school like Smurfie was talking about. I got help through my school as well. I told a teacher about how I was feeling, she went to the guidance counselor, and I was set up with a social worker. Talking to someone about how I'm feeling REALLY helps me. Feel free to come here and vent whenever you need to. We're here for you!

"Honey, whose car is that in our driveway?"

"It's yours, Frank."

"It IS, isn't it?"

Posts: 500 | From: Ohio, U.S.A. | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2651

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ComeOriginal     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know *exactly* what you mean. My friends almost hate me because I've been in this terrible mood for so long. And its not all the time, its just the little things upset me. "miss the bus-kill yourself" It's like you get upset and the tiniest inconvenience sets you off. Like your friend has to get off the phone or your mom makes you fold the laundry or you have 20 problems for homework instead of 18. Like you, I
-am a straight A student
-have family
-have friends who care about me
-have talents
-have a personality

No one understands why I get so upset....i dont even myself...but its hard for people to understand when i have so much going for me. Sometimes I wish I could get so sick that I wouldn't have to deal with anyone besides the people who wanted to grieve over the loss of my health. I wake up in the morning and instead of thinking the normal "oh i want more sleep" or "oh i have to do this and this and this"....I think "what can i do to myself so I can stay home"
It's terrible! Absolutely twisted! I think
"ohh if i just 'accidently' slipped in the tub" or "if I fell down the stairs"
Like you, I can't stand when people do something creative and I dont! I can't stand when someone gets a higher grade when I should have.
And I don't fit in to most of the groups at school. I kind of hang around all of them, but I don't really have any *good* friends.
And I cry....I cry all the time...
I can't tell people when I'm it gets all bottled up and i'm the one who gets screwed over. I can't yell at my parents, they are way too strict.....i cant yell at my friends...they yell at me back and tell me its all my fault. Nothing i ever say is justifiable
I have things to do...i paint, i sing, i write...but none of that helps...grrrrr

Posts: 33 | From: Georgetown, TX, USA | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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