In a big and confusing world when we're developing and learning skills for after we leave the nest, it can be nice to have someone there to help guide you along. Where do you go? Who do you talk to? There are so many questions to be answered from the classic "Where do babies come from?" (although we all know we can rely on Scarleteen for that answer) to "How am I going to support my child and get myself through the rest of high school?"
I had a wonderful English teacher the two years that I was in middle school, and she always volunteered her time to listen to me and talk with me after school when I had a bad day or was confused or worried about something. I was so grateful to have someone like her in my life to help me along. Now I have a counselor who listens to me (she better for $70 bucks an hour!), and she's taught me a lot about life.
Who do you go to for help when you need it or to simple talk and be heard?
------------------ "Honey, whose car is that in our driveway?"
I thought about that question for some time and the scary answer was no one.
I don't have a habit of talking about my problems to other people. Even my very best friends because I always feel like I can solve everything on my own and I always feel like I am a person more likely to dish out advice, console and help rather than someone on the receiving end.
I do talk about my real innermost feelings sometimes. I have a few good friends whom I talk to. Once a year perhaps, they get to know the Lin that is buried deep inside. Despite all this, they know me very well and I am grateful for that.
Of course, Scarleteen ahs also provided me with a wonderful support group. Caro and Sarah are always there, despite the crappy time difference and everybody really. You guys rock.
Thanks Linnie, I think you and Kitten rock so much, too. Glad you're there.
Guess we're pretty similar, Linnie, I am more of a “keep it to myself” person, I rarely ask anyone for advice upfront, really, and was like that when I was a teen, too. It’s just not the way I work. Why do I do that? I guess sometimes I simply think I need to solve things on my own (grown up girl, after all) or I think my worries aren't important enough to bother anyone with.
However, there were usually great people around if I had I needed/wanted any kind of advice, either friends or someone from my church or a teacher.
The one person who actaully helped me (because I let him) I remember the best is a teacher I only had for roughly two months, my religious education teacher in NZ, when I was on student exchange, Mr B. He rocked. He was just fabulous, really, and the first teacher at that conservative, expensive catholic girls school who was openly not just heterosexual; while there were gay teachers (but who weren’t openly so), he went in front of a class and straightout told us that his usual reply to the question “Are you gay?” was “Do you want me to be?” and that was it. He absolutely rocked. He was brand new in the school, and in his class, to get to know each other, we all had to choose a picture that represented us and first say why we chose that piccie and then write an essay on that. I remember choosing the picture of a battery, and writing a long essay about why I sometimes feel like I’m overcharged and too dominating and whatnot, and smiling too much and faking it all, and when he checked our homework a while later, he wrote some very wise words in reply. He was the first person I ever confessed the issues to that I still have today, really. Fab teacher, I wish I had had more teachers of that kind during my school life.
These days, I still keep lots to myself, even though I keep an online diary, have a few good friends and I usually talk lots which seems to indicate otherwise. Even my therapist thinks I keep lots to myself, even though I personally have the feeling I spill everything with him. If there is ever anything that I feel I need help, I first ponder for ages about it and then ask someone else. Am really a loner in regards to problem-solving.
[This message has been edited by Alaska (edited 04-21-2001).]
Reading these posts made me realize how much I miss having a teacher to confide in. I mean, I know that I *am* the teacher now, but I really miss being able to walk into someone's office or classroom and have a heart to heart with them.
I was blessed with a network of wonderfully supportive teachers in high school who saw my intellect and my desire for knowledge and fed it while still allowing me to pour my teen-angst ridden heart out to them. Mr. S, Mrs. H, and Mrs. G, if you're out there, mad props to all of you.
As an undergraduate, I couuld go to either half of a wonderful couple who were both teaching in the department of one of my majors. Dr. Dan and Dr. Ilona. He was gruff and sarcastic but kind underneath and she was amazing and nurturing and sweet.
I really miss not having someone like that at the graduate level, but I suppose it's a sign for me to become a grownup. Or to just deal with all my problems in therapy group.
I don't really have anyone, actually. Occasionally, if I just have to say something, there's a few people online I might tell it to, but that's it. I don't go to those people for advice or help, either. There's nobody I have face to face, and the most I ever had was a counselor, but I quit going to her because, it was just a useless waste of time. That's fine by me, though. Text is actually a preferable medium for me when I need to get something out, and I've never had much of a need for other people's advice.
------------------ To the rational mind there can be no offense, no obscenity, no blasphemy, but only information of greater or lesser value. -- Jennifer Diane Reitz
I'm a very shy not-outgoing person, I have a max of 5 friends, only 1 of them I can say is really a very good friend... When I have problems, need advice, or just feel lonely, I really don't have anyone to turn to... except for my boyfriend - but he can't really help when the problem is with him, also we're in a long distance relationship, so there are times when talking on the phone just doesn't help and even puts you down because you think about being apart and needing what's far away... I turn to scarleteen but I think I do it just when I get really depressed or stressed out... There are times when I spend day after day crying alone and every minute I cry harder because all these thoughts about having no-one come to my mind. It's all because of my personality. I was always shy, but as I got older it got worse... and when I ask my best friend for help he says the same things, that won't help me, like "talk to people and meet new people"... how am I supposed to...? If I was able to I wouldn't be alone like this... I love to help people out with whatever they need, like here on scarleteen - I don't have that load of experience in anything but I'm always here reading through and posting when I think I can make a difference... My hope is in the future (that is still far far away...) when me and my boyfriend can live together, and then he'll be always there by my side and won't leave me alone to fall down the stairs of life everyday as it happens now...
I talk to EVERYONE about almost whatever happens to be on my mind. I tend to work my daily life out out-loud... even if no one else is around I talk to myself.
As far as heart-to-heart personal conversations... well, I still have a lot of people I talk to. My mom, for almost everything. My younger brother for many things. My boyfriend Ryan almost all the time, of course. My very, very, very close friend/confidant Platypus when I need a friend who shares my perspective. My professor Heidi Harley about school things, dolphins and dreams and plans and projects. (I adore her... I get very sad when I think about graduating and not seeing her all the time--of course, I'm hoping to go to the same graduate school that she did under the same advisor that she had...). My bestfriend Tina about bestfriend things, even though we're very different and often out of touch. And my friend Casey about intellectual and hip things.
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