I hope that my story will help someone who is scared to reach out. I have grown up in the same town my whole life, and the only move I have experienced was across town so that we would have more room. Anyway, when I entered middle school, I was determined to get better grades than the REALLY bad ones i got in elementary school. I started gettin straight A's, and I was always on High Honor Roll. I was happy, making new friends, etc. 7th grade was OK, but I had lost almost all of my elementary school friends, and my new ones were not as great as the old. I was OK with it at first, and then I started to get depressed towards the end of the year. Nothing really big, just one step down from my normal happy self. My best friend, lets call her Jane, was an only child, and she acted like a bitch sometimes, and sorry to anyone who is an only child, but is not a snob. She usually acted like the world revolved around her. She made me feel like **** , and I got deeper and deeper in the hole of depression. She made new friends, and didn't notice when we started to drift apart, because she always had someone who was eager to fill the gap. By the spring of 7th grade, I had no social life, but none of my "friends" noticed anything about that or the fact that i was depressed. Then one day, I saw myself in the mirror. I said to myself, I can't believe I never noticed that I was fat. Of course I wasn't, i just thought I was. I began to cut down on food, and again, no one noticed. My older sisters were either away at college, or were alwayz out with friends. One night I thought about ending it all. I told my "best friend" that I had thought about it, and she cried for 30 min. before she called me and apologized and said that she never noticed, which was kinda obvious. So...I dismissed the suicide thought for a while. "Jane" and I became closer for a little while, but she left me in the dust once again. It was a night in May, when I wrote my older sis an e-mail telling her what i was gonna do. (take a bottle of pills). I went upstairs and started to cry my eyes out. These were the tears of 2 years of hurting. My sister came in and asked wat was wrong. I told her, and then she went downstairs and told my dad (my mom was away on a trip) he thought that I had already swallowed the pills, and started yelling. This hurt so much, and my sis was smart enough to tell him to leave, and she comforted me. I told my mom when she came home, and I went to a therapist. i have been fine since then, but i am sure that if I didn't tell my sisters, I would not be writing this right now. Finally, after you have read all this...I would like to tell anyone who is depressed to reach out for help before you end up like me....almost anorexic, and at the end of my rope. if u are desperate, you can even e-mail me @ [e-mail deleted]. I hope I have helped give a depressed person the courage to reach out before they hurt themselves permanently.
The e-mail address in this message has been deleted. While I understand you were making a generous gesture, please understand that this is a public forum, and posting your e-mail may not be the wisest, or safest, thing to do. To quote the guidelines you agreed to when you registered (http://www.scarleteen.com/boards/guidelines.html): "For your safety, we advise you not to post personal information, such as full names, phone numbers or email or postal addresses."
[This message has been edited by Lady Moonlight (edited 04-15-2001).]
I have a similar story and can relate to what you have gone through. I too came close to suicide, but am so thankful I didn't follow through with it. I am doing much better today, but these last five years have been hell! I occassionally still feel like I'm on a rollercoaster, but things are better now, and are going to get a whole lot better after we move. Gotta go get some things done, so if I have time I'll write mroe about what I went through later.
------------------ "Always shoot for the moon because even if you miss you'll land among the stars." -Unknown
I'm so glad you reached out and that you're still around to tell your story. Not having a support group of friends is tough--I know because I've been there. But it doesn't mean you're not worthwhile, because you are, very much so. As you move on in life you will find a close friend again, and in the meantime remember that you are a valuable person on your own, as well.
Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000
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