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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Girl, 14, hangs herself ... 3 bullies charged

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Author Topic: Girl, 14, hangs herself ... 3 bullies charged
LilBlueSmurf
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I didn't catch the whole story, but this is the little bit i did pick up from it.

A young girl was found dead, after hanging herself. And who's to blame? Her peers. 3 of her peers tormented her to the point that she saw no other option. Death. And after reading this, i'm sure some of you are STILL going to go to school tomorrow and pick on that lil gr 6 boy w/ the big ears, or the gr 9 girl that is really clumsy and you bump into her just b/c you know she'll drop her books if you bump her hard enough.

What side of this are you on? I've never had to deal w/ this, really. Of course i was picked on. I was the chubby girl who wouldnt' say two words to anyone. I'm sure they thought i didn't know English.

My sister had it much worse. She was also the chubby kid, and her "friends" decided they were better then her and made sure everyone knew it. Her last year of junior high was hell b/c of this. My mom had many meetings w/ the school guidance councellors and the principals and the girls' parents ... and nothing. Eventually they just got bored.

Has anyone been in this type of situation before? How did you handle it? Who did you turn to? What advice would you give to someone going through this right now?


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Lucky1402
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I have to deal with it every day. Sure, I get picked on ALOT. I honestly wonder why, too. I'm not the chubby kid, or the shy kid, or the unhygenic kid- I guess it might just be because I'm not the greatest looking girl in school. But anyhoo, that's why I try to never tease people- it hurts feelings and scars them emotionally for life. And emotional scars are much harder to get rid of than physical scars. I hate seeing people making fun of other people because they're poor, or can't afford name brand clothes, or they're not a beauty queen or whatever reason. I try to stop people from teasing each other whenever possible, since I know how it feels. But basically I try not to let it bother me. I'm not going to change for anybody- they can take me the way I am- and I'm happy with myself. I'm glad I'm the kind of person who sticks up for other students and is nice to almost everyone. I would never want to be the mean person who drives a peer to suicide.

And I'll admit, there were several times this year and last year when I felt like death was the only way out. I used to cut myself with scissors and once I even tried to slit my wrists. But I work hard to get past it.

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*^Lucky^*
Come check out what's goin on in Lucky's mind!
"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as though you'll die today."


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CrazyGirl
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Wow. What a topic. I have dealt with this for the past 7 years. I became depressed, started cutting, etc. because of it. I don't have time to tell the whole story now, because I have a very busy week ahead of me, but I'll try and type it up later and post.

Please people, don't tease others. It is simply awful. I was to the point where I had serious thoughts about taking my life. That is a really scary place to be. I know how this 14 y/o girl felt because I was there about three years ago. I am so grateful that I didn't act on it however.

Okay, like I said, I'll try and type up the whole story later. Hugz to all!

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"Always shoot for the moon because even if you miss you'll land among the stars." -Unknown


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Beppie
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I've experienced that sort of thing too, although I never wanted to kill myself, or even cut myself. It's not something I like talking about though.
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ThisGuy
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*Shrug*

I got teased as a kid...til I grew a bit. Its interesting how a growth spurt can intimidate people who think they are so much better than you. ;p

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Cranial space for rent.


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smittenkitten
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In primary (elementary) school I used to get picked on because I hung out with guys. I wasn't a tomboy, I just got along better with them. A few of the girls never picked on me, and I am still friends with one of them today.

The christmas before I started highschool I became friends with Trish, who was trouble from the start. Most of her family was on pot, and I nearly slept with her brother. She and her brother had an incestuous relationship (I witnessed it with my own eyes)! When I reflect on it now I can see that even though she wanted me to be her friend she never treated me like one. She would trick me into having waterfights and bribe me to come and wash windscreens so she could buy drugs. She stole my locket and claimed her boyfriend in Queensland had given it to her. When I told her I didn't want to be friends she told my mum what happened with her brother.

She and I ended up at the same highschool and she spread rumors about me. Stupidly, I retaliated and said she was pregnant to her brother. I got a reputation as a slut and my school life was hellish. It all got to much so I left to homeschool. Then I got lonely and I went back.

At the start of the next year everything was peachy...for a while. My best friend who I had known since I was 3 accused me of telling her serets and got her crush to put my bag up a tree with the entire school jeering at me. I got it down and a girl ran off with it. Then me and my friend had a screaming argument which ended with her slapping me.

I kept my cool but I still got punished. I don't know if she got any timeout, but she certainly wasn't in there with me. I think they got the impression I had brought it upon myself. The final straw was when someone called me a slut so I replied: "Well if I'm a slut then I'm proud of it."
Obviously not a smart thing to say, but it showed I wasn't afraid of what they might call me. After that episode I was totally friendless and I missed about 3 weeks of school in a row because every time I went to school not only was I alone, but people would spit at me, and yell insults.

I left that school and went to boarding school far away from home. The hous father was my mums friends brother, and even though I wasn't used to the strictness I fit in to a certain extent...that is, I had friends, especially Kimberley who never abandoned me. There were only 120 kids in the whole school so all the grades got along.

Now I'm back at home and at a school that I fit into. I'm not miss popularity but I get along with everyone and don't get picked on.

Love,
Winnie :0)

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Keeper of:
Scully's bra (EA)
Mulders Wheelchair (SE)
Scene where S tells Sk she's pregnant. (Req)
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pink
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I'm way too paranoid for my own good. I haven't ever really been teased, except for once or twice in third grade when I first got glasses.

And it still bothers me. I still think people are talking about me behind my back, or just going out of their way to get in my way. I don't have a reason either-I'm not rude to anyone, have a pretty okay aperrance, and good in the hygiene department. But I can't get over those little things.

I try not to make fun of other people. But to some extent, it's human nature, so I do every once in a while. I usually feel pretty bad after, too.

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Sin by thy lips? Oh trespass sweetly urged, give me my sin again!


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DC_WillowFan
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I also got teased alot when I was younger. And all that, just because I was (and still am) shy.

I guess it hurted me forever, because I'm always kinda sad, merely depressed. Hopefully I find some nice memories or friends to hang on but I'd never suicide even if I thought it was the solution when I was a few years younger.

BTW, were those 3 bullies charged legally or not ? I hope they were, because people always wonder about suicides, murders or shootings, and they're mostly the only ones to blame.

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- I hope I shall be able to confide in you conpletely, as I have never been able to do in anyone before, and I hope that you will be a great support and comfort to me.

Anne Frank to her journal
(1929-1945)


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Bobolink
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Yes the three alleged abusers have been charged:
http://vancouver.cbc.ca/cgi-bin/templates/view.cgi?/news/2001/03/27/bc_bullying010327

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"A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular."

- Adlai Stevenson


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Lin
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Amazingly enough, I have never seen such a problem in Singapore.

I know teasing will always happen. But it's always good natured teasing.

And it is amazing that kids nowadays are so vicious that girls hang themselves and others shoot dead all those who made fun of them.

Is it because of our media? Which often shows us that fat=stupid. And pimples=gross.

I cannot wrap my brain around it. I really can't. All these deaths are just so un-ncecessary and could have been avoided.

I used to get made fun of because of my coconut style hair and because I was so skinny but it was always good natured and it was fun.

Have children stopped being children?


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Eclipse
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My advice for anyone who is being severely harassed by 'peers' in school is to do some serious research on leaving school. If your parents are 'on your side,' it might be a good option.
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Ella
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Last year we had a really interesting discussion about the differences between male bullying and female bullying. In my experience female bullying has a lot to do with not belonging. There are a lot of exclusionary tactics employed. Psychological teasing is rife especially around the 11-12 year old group.

While I haven't had any experiences or noticed as much male bullying it seems to me to be much more physical.

In around gd. 5, my school was pretty cliquey. Luckily I went to one-day a week gifted so I had an escape valve. It was all just things like never knowing if "they" would be your friends from one day to the next. I've never had a problem with bullying other than there. It's tough, but it does get better and it's also good if you have friends that you stick with no matter what happens.


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StarryRedhead
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Yup, yup. In fact, I changed to a completely different school district because of bullies. It was a group of about 9 girls who picked on me incessantly from 5th to 8th grade. Why? I do not know why. Maybe because I wasn't afraid to stand up to them. But all their rude comments did hurt me a lot. They would follow me to my bus and make fun of what I was wearing, or whatever else they could find "wrong" with me, my hair, my freckles, the music I listened to, EVERYTHING, and when I'd turn around and tell them to quit it they'd just make fun of me more (and it was usually me against 5 of them). And I was not the only one they picked on. They picked on a lot of my friends, often resulting in one of my friends crying.

And in 8th grade I finally blew up, threw a book at one of the girls, turned the tables and made fun of her until she cried. I think that's when I decided I had to get away from them and I transfered to a new high school.

I'm VERY against teasing. In high school (which was worlds better for me, by the way) I sometimes went out of my way to defend the ones who got picked on because I knew how it felt. There's really no need for it, and it makes me really angry that some people don't care how they hurt people.

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}{*Starry Ali*}{
"I think there are pieces of me you've never seen. Maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen..."


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-Dust-
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bullies make me so sick. they have emotional problems, low self esteem or family problems, and they take it out on innocent people whom they know (or atleast suspect) will not do anything to them. and the sad thing is that, in a few years that girl could have been off to college, and starting out a nice life full of promise. and her family would not have to deal with the the tremendous amount grief.
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tifa528
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I had a rather depressing experience with bullies... I guess that's what you could call them. I hope I don't offend anyone or anything like that.

To make a long story short, I was the defenseless white girl, who was teased to no end... the white girl who they felt they could gang up on and grab wherever and whenever they wanted (even if it got to the point of actually hurting me), the white girl whose existence meant nothing.

Then one day... one of my bullies (the big man in school) decided that he would expose himself in the classroom, hallways... wherever he felt it would be cool. I knew it was my way out, so I told on him. I received threatening phone calls basically telling me that if I were to go back to school, that I could be ganged up on and beat to no end.

I had no choice to drop out. I have no other way of getting an education. Everything is too expensive, or too dangerous. I'm out of school illegally 'till May, and then I can get my GED. But what kind of future will a GED get me? Not the future I expected for myself... and to think that I was an honor roll student!

If I can survive this, I can survive anything. I'll shut up now with my sob story.


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Lin
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*hugs* sweetie. Yes, if you could survive all these jerks you can survive anything and I am proud of you.

If you ever need us, we are here for you ok?


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Eclipse
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That's awful!!! It was really brave of you to get yourself out of that situation.

And to be honest, a GED will get you whatever kind of future you want it to. Do you want to go to college? Colleges pretty much *have* to accept it as a highschool degree equivalent. Want to go to a selective college? They make their decisions based mostly on writing strength and interesting background/skills. Good SAT scores won't hurt either! And college admissions people are largely very wonderful and understanding people, so if you're really worried, just write them a letter and explain your situation. From my experience, they'll be impressed that you took the initiative. (And if you don't want to go to college... hey, the sky's the limit!)

If at all possible, take some time for yourself--it sounds like you've been through a lot. And then, if it will make you feel better, start learning interesting things. Don't worry about "not getting an education." You don't need one. Education is a commodity, but learning is free, and it's everywhere. Do you have a local library? Do you like to read? Spend some time there. I'm guessing you've got internet access...there's limitless information at your fingertips. New skills to learn are cheap and abundant. For under $10 you could get a harmonica or a ball of yarn and knitting needles or a box of colored pencils and a pad of paper. Try not to mourn the honor roll too long if you can help it. It sounds to me like you should be congratulating yourself. You saved yourself from a bunch of creepy bullies. No more "teasing," no more grabbing, no more harassment from those people. You go girl!


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tifa528
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It seems like I've said this a million times, and I'll say it again: You guys are the greatest, and I can't thank you enough for just being here to help! It's a great feeling.
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-Dust-
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what do you mean you were the defenseless "white girl"? are you implying that you were beaten up because of your race?
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tifa528
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The reason I used "white" so much in my post was because they used to claim that the reason I wasn't doing something, or fighting back was because I was white. What more could I have done? I told them to stop, I cussed them out, I told the principal, the teachers... if I were to try and hurt one of them, that would mean a fight of around 5 to 1. What are my odds? So, no, I don't think the reason I was picked out was because I was white. The reason they picked me was because I was weak. I was naive to the evil ways of the world, I was shocked that people could be so disrespectful, and I was new... which meant I really had no friends to stand up for me.

[This message has been edited by tifa528 (edited 04-07-2001).]


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the_last_unicorn
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quote:
Originally posted by LilBlueSmurf:
I didn't catch the whole story, but this is the little bit i did pick up from it.

A young girl was found dead, after hanging herself. And who's to blame? Her peers. 3 of her peers tormented her to the point that she saw no other option. Death. And after reading this, i'm sure some of you are STILL going to go to school tomorrow and pick on that lil gr 6 boy w/ the big ears, or the gr 9 girl that is really clumsy and you bump into her just b/c you know she'll drop her books if you bump her hard enough.

What side of this are you on? I've never had to deal w/ this, really. Of course i was picked on. I was the chubby girl who wouldnt' say two words to anyone. I'm sure they thought i didn't know English.

My sister had it much worse. She was also the chubby kid, and her "friends" decided they were better then her and made sure everyone knew it. Her last year of junior high was hell b/c of this. My mom had many meetings w/ the school guidance councellors and the principals and the girls' parents ... and nothing. Eventually they just got bored.

Has anyone been in this type of situation before? How did you handle it? Who did you turn to? What advice would you give to someone going through this right now?


haha! they used to give me a hard time in jr high. but i never killed myself. and anyways, ive found the secret to get people to respect you, or at least to fake like they do (which is ok with me!) my secret is too be as snotty as possible. the more you treat the people that are mean to you like crap the more they back off. i you put up a fight they wont sit around and fight back, they'll go find the loser that just sits there and takes it. no one says anything to me now. and i sometimes deserve it, i would tell you guys my time when i ran the 100 meter dash in track but i wouldnt want you to laugh to death....

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xoxoxo


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Celtic Daisy
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I hate bullies. I myself was never really bullied. I've always been called short, you get that when you're maximum height is 4'11, but they're just nicknames, and they never bothered me. I did, bully in a way in grade 7 and 8, but not to an extent.
There was this girl, who wasn't very pretty, didn't have the nicest clothes, and didn't smell all that great. Everyone was really mean to her. i remember seeing her outside one lunch hour crying, and people were spitting on her. It made me feel awful. She was mean to everyone except me and 2 other people, because i was pretty much the only person who didn't make fun of her to her face. But when i was with my friends i would say stuff, and i felt so horrible afterwords.
Luckily, i've learned to not be such a bitch. And i saw that girl about a month ago, and said hi, asked her how she was, and it made me feel much better.

But at my school, i'm sad to say, there is a bit of bullying. There's a boy who has some mental problems. he wears a suit everyday, and has a cell phone on his pants. he has obsesive compulsive behavior, and he has to kinda, rub his cell phone every so often. The grade 12 jocks call him "DJ cell phone". he also insits on doing tai chi(s/p) in the foyer, which is where the jocks hang out. they're so mean to him, and i hate it that this kind of stuff is going on in my school.

However, bullying isn't a huge issue in our school, and rarely comes up, so i guess we're fortunate that way.

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"A six foot tall anorexic bimbo,with plastic breasts is making me feel weird about my own body."
-Miss Bif Naked


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tsuijing
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I was picked on in gr. 7.
I was part of the "popular" group and when they ditched one of my friends(Margaret), i left the group to support her. We were best friends. I thought we stood up for each other...but when the "popular" people(who didn't like me since i helped Margaret) wanted her back(stupid isnt this?), she ditched me for them and i became the tease of the school till i graduated from elementry.

This has caused me alot of pain and i went into depression in high school.
I am now in gr.10 and i am still not what im use to be...fun, spontenious and hyper<not crazy >
I am now more quiet and i am viewed by my peers as serious - type.
I have many friends, but i don't have any close friends.

My closest friend since then was my boyfriend of 3.9 months, and we just parted becuz he said he needed to focus on his studies and needed to mature some more. He said we will be together again...

I am very hurt...
and i feel isolated..
i hope i will have a happier futurefrom now on~

Good-bye~

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missing you~


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lostcat
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that's so sad

i was picked on constantly in elementary, middle, and high school. i'm now in college, and things have completely subsided. i was always the ugly girl- i'm an immigrant, and when i first moved to the us at the age of 9, i didn't speak too much english. of course, i was constantly teased about my inability to speak english, and my family. (i lived with my grandmother when i first came here, and she lived in an affluent community where almost only nuclear families were found.) my clothes weren't as good as anyone elses, i later progressed to braces & glasses (which i still wear, i could easily switch to contacts, but i have a pair of black horn-rimmed cat eye glasses that i find very very cool and wear as a sort of geek fashion statement). i was later harassed because i found a home in the art and music departments, and never played sports or went to dances like the other kids.

i tried to grow thick skin, tell everyone it didn't bother me, try to convinced myself that it wasn't that bad- but it was. it really was. by the sixth grade, i was cutting myself, and attempted suicide in ninth grade because i couldn't take it anymore. my 4.0 gpa was in upheaval, and i almost quit going to school entirely until my parents moved me to an alternative high school for the arts, where i was surrounded by people similar to myself, and the teasing pretty much stopped.

i'd be lying if i said i don't have a chip on my shoulder because of what those people did to me when i was younger. tori amos has a lyric in one of her songs, "and if you could see me now", and that's how i feel about those people. i've gotten far in my life, i now attend a top university, i have a boyfriend who i'm madly in love with, and despite some recent very very bumpy road, i'm a fairly happy person at the moment- and they couldn't stop me from that.

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"i need to wash myself again to hide all the dirt and pain, 'cos i'd be scared that there's nothing underneath"- radiohead


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~*StarGazer*~
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I definitely understand how that girl felt.

I've been teased since the first grade. I was the chubby tomboy. I got glasses in 3rd grade, which didn't help my self-esteem too much. If I had a penny for every time someone called me fat, I would have more money than Bill Gates by now. On top of it all, I was such a tomboy with no sense of fashion or looks whatsoever that basically no one thought I had feelings. And even if they did think I had feelings, they sure didn't care.

I basically went through elementary school avoiding the girls. The guys didn't tease me as much, which was nice. But the more I hung out with the guys, the more the girls teased me. It was a vicious cycle really. And the more they teased me, the more I closed up.

By the time I got to 7th grade, I was ready for a clean slate. Sadly, I now realize that I messed that slate up in itself. Due to all the pain inside of me, I became not quite as sweet and quiet as before. Granted, I wasn't mean to every person that I came in contact with, but if you bugged me, you got yelled at. I rarely showed any emotion and just bottled everything up. Including a heart felt love for a guy friend of mine who I knew would never love me back.

8th grade was even worse than 7th. Things got so bad that I became suicidal. The only person at my school who I could confide in was that same boy that I loved. It hurt not to be able to tell him how I felt. And so with that hurt, and all the rest, I became worse and worse. I sunk into a deep depression and began cutting myself. Meanwhile, things at school weren't improving. The teasing continued.

But I just have to say this one thing. If anyone here is suicidal, and thinks they may want to do what this girl did, they need to think about it. When I was cutting myself I didn't think anything would ever get better. But things in my life ARE improving. You can get out of depression and hurt.

My question is why can't we all just get along?

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I am a goddess

I am in love

That's all you need to know


Posts: 37 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Purple Lemonade
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Member # 2674

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I heard a story similar to that on Oprah.
It was about this girl who was getting picked on, she drugged herself and died. At her funeral, they had an open coffin and the parents had put all her favorite things in there with her and her bullies apparently stole the things that were in her coffin.
And the worst thing is, that they were all cheerleaders and one of them was the daughter of the principal of their school.
Pathetic, huh?

Posts: 54 | From: Manila, Philippines | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rachel
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Member # 1941

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I've never been the one that got teased actually. I always had this what you would call a "clique" of friends. When i got to 8th grade i had these 2 friends that weren't very popular the girls in my "clique" decided that they didn't like them and told me that i if i was their friend then i couldn't be theirs. Afraid of that happening i started ignoring the 2 girls. One of the girls actually considered me her best friend i felt really bad doing this because i really liked them. One day my friends decided that they didn't like me (they did this to everybody one day they were your friend the next they weren't). Well i came over to those 2 girls and they just smiled at me and let me hang out with them. I appoligized to them but they said that they understood. A couple weeks later my old friends wanted me back and i of course went back with them. Eventually those 2 girls didn't understand anymore and stopped letting me come back. I was a jerk and i really regret what i did. I can't believe what i would do just to be accepted by those girls. Afterwards i tried everything to get those 2 girls to forgive me but they wouldn't do it and i understand why they won't forgive me. I went to far i guess....
Posts: 64 | From: Long Island NY | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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