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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Long Distance Relationships (LDRs)
Member # 5696

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I am in a LDR and it's terrible, yet wonderful atthe same time. He lives all the way in Guatemala, and here I am in America. We met over the internet, which people judge us by very quickly. We have been in love for over six months now. He is the sun in my dark sky... I would be so lost without him. We are both eighteen and we both still live at home. In 2 years he is moving out and I am going to move to Guatemala to live with him. I am going in Januray to meet him for the first time. I haven't a clue what will become of us, it could be good could be bad. All that I know is that he is everything in my life that is good and positive. He makes me want to change and to be a better person. He has helped me to see every good value that I have. He has helped me to love myself. I love him more than I ever knew possible. I want nothing more than to be with him. It is hard to be so far away from him, but it is worth it. I do not fear him cheating and he does not fear me cheating on him. When we first met I was very permiscuose and I let men use me a lot. He is a virgin, he wants his first time to be special. We have had many fights over this issue, but we love each other. I stopped having sex, and I stopped dating.. and then we were suddenly devoted to each other. I love him with all of my heart body and soul. I can't imagine life without him.
Posts: 5 | From: carlton, OR USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 968

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All I can say is good luck, but plan.

If you're planning on going to Guatemala, make sure you have a backup. What will you do if you do end up stranded there? What will you do if he's not as ncie a guy as you think?

I'm not saying don't go, I'm just saying use common sense, and take care of yourself.

Proof that evolution stopped working a long time ago.

Posts: 915 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
Member # 384

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Wise words, ThisGuy.

Punky, where will you stay while you're there? Is anyone going with you? Have you talked to any of his family members on the phone? Is there any way that you can verify that this person is who he says he is?

I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but in your Support Groups you talk about your first sexual partner who lied to you and treated so badly, and I'd hate to see you hurt again now that you're healing. I know of women who were raped by men they met over the internet when they went to meet them for the first time. Please, please, take every precaution to be careful and be safe.

Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5756

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Hi! I love this topis! It`s a wonderful idea! I can relate, and emsily0 I feel the same way, it`s really hard on me but not as much on him and I feel like maybe I love him a tad too much.

We met on the net through our love for two comic characters lol that was two and two months ago, the first eight months was long distance totally, even though I sad a lot I didn`t know anything else so I was happy much more of the time, plus he was awsome and adored me soo much.

Then he moved in with me and my family, he lived with me a year and it was the best thing ever, it was my first relationship and I love him soo much. It was so perfect the first few months, it was complete bliss.

But i got way to attachted to him and I sometimes even cried while he was at work or if he wanted to talk a walk by himself, we were around each other constantly, I loved this fact, he did not. He missed his friends and his home and his family, and he started to want to go back home.

I was a wreck and didn`t wamt him to, i talked him out of it every time he would bring it up. Until eventually his mom showed up (we lived 3000 miles apart orginially) and she said his dad was sick and he had to leave the next day but would only be gone about a week. I was in such shock.

The last night with him I just laied on the floor in the dark of my room and sobbed soo hard, it was the most awful thing in the world to me. The next day I cried my heart out while he was getting on the bus and he whipped my tears away and promised to be back in a week.

He hasn`t been back since and that was six months ago, I later found out he and his mom made up that story about his dad being sick just so he could go home. I never told anyone that because i was ashamed my boyfriend could hurt me and lie to me so much.

Were together now and it`s really hard after having lived with him a year to wake up every day and know he`s not going to be there, a big part of my life is completely gone and sometimes i get really sad and depressed about it. I`ve been trying not to and just to stay focused on talking to him and being as happy as we can be.

I plan on moving there in about a year when i finish school and we plan to visit each other. But I don`t think I`ll ever totally heal from knowing he choose to go 3000 miles from me when we might have been able to work out something better.

But I still really love him and miss him and and I`m really hopfuly after all we`ve been through we can make it through this.

It`s really encouraging to see all these LDR and hear a lot of good stories, it gives me hope to hear everyones story of long distance love.

Good luck to everyone!

"You want some body for a very long time. And then you have them, and they love you. And they make love to you, and itís not enough. Thatís the truth about sex." Jackie-O, The House of Yes

Posts: 21 | From: California, USA | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5696

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Thank you for your advice. I never even really thought about a back up plan. This gives me a lot to think about. Thanks!!

Posts: 5 | From: carlton, OR USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5696

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Well, thank you also,.. for your advice. As I said before I hadn't really thought much about all of this. Kind of caught up in the moment, I guess. No one is going with me. He cannot afford another ticket, and none of my friends would be able to... That's for sure. While I am there I will be staying with him and his family. I have talked to his mother on the phone, but she speask mainly Spanish and she is hard to understand. I know... I have been through hell, but haven't we all? I just want to be loved, and for the first time someone REALLY cares about me as much as I care about him. I cannot let this love slip away. Thank you again for your advice.

Posts: 5 | From: carlton, OR USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1896

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Punky, Online Dating is one tricky thing, and of course even more tricky when one of you has to travel so much so that you can finally meet.

However, no matter how much you are in love please please keep your head clear enough so that you can take some time to really think about the logistics. - Your top priority should be your safety.
Without wanting to scare you, please don't forget that people do horrid things online and keep up personas for ages and ages for bizarre reasons. I guess you never know that someone really is the person (s)he claims to be, until you see them person to person.
I am not saying that your partner doesn't exist or that you should doubt him, but I think your best bet would be, especially when heading to a country like Guatemala, that you make a safety net for yourself and be aware that you need to look after yourself and not rely on anyone else but you while there.
Travelling with someone would be good. Staying at a hotel would be, too (so that you don't have to depend on your partner and his family). Having extra funds so that you can hop on a plane and leave quickly if all works out differently than expected.

Think about it: if you were to meet someone you met online in your hometown, you would meet in a public place, tell a friend exactly what you were up to and possibly arrange a call up with a friend later so that they know you were safe. - You need to be even more cautious if you plan to literally have a blind date several thousand miles from home, where you do not know how to get help (if needed) as quickly as you would at home.

I really hope that you have no reason to be worried, and that once you indeed head to Guatemala, you will find that your worries and preparations weren't necessary; but really, don't just hop on a plane and hope all will be good.
Yup, we all want to be loved, and we all want to be happy, just don't let your emotions completely overrule your sense for your own security. Tis all a bit more tricky in the days of modern communication.

~Scarleteen Sexpert~

"Through repetition the magic will be forced to rise."
Alchemical Precept

Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2469

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i used to be in a LDR until.......... kissed one of my best friends. needless to say that was the final nail in the head for that relationship. i know that they can work sometimes, but it sure as hell ain't easy. the hardest part was going from seeing each other almost everyday, to barely ever. it's almost like a breakup, you might start to think that your over them, then you see them and the wound is reopened. im not sure i have a point, but oh well.
Posts: 17 | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 4508

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im really glad this topics been started too, becuase its been something on my mind for a wnile. My boyfriend is my best friedn and ive known him for nearly 2 years, we go to college together, were in teh same class! thast how we met, theres only ten people in my class aswell,-not many people wanted to do fine art this year... so...i see him a lot! I actually wish we werent together as much as i think time apart would makebeing together so much more quality time....but even though were very close i dont know if we could make it through nad ldr....i say this becuase we're moving off to university soon abnd could end up in completely differnt cities, with m ay hours in between us...and it'll be such a shock to the system as you can imagine! eh says we are a strong couple and if we are still going out by the time we goto uni then what we have will be too good to just thro away cuz of a bit of a journey inbetween like to think that, but, however much i love him i just cant see myself being secure like that. we're both art students and im sure some of you on here are too...and i just feel like so many people i know- all doing art, seem to be these FREE SPIRITS who just cruise through life and take it as it comes, they want to be out there nad meet new people, go to new places etc and i think hed be like that when he went to college. why would he want to stay stuck with me? I on the other hand want to do that too but just dont have the guts and im like- no! dont leave me here all alone bymyself! i need some degree of security and order inmy life....or i dont know what id do! thast what im trying to say about LDR's, if you are that type of person, wouldnt it just drive you insane? well i kinda of know what im talking about! sorry ifive confused anyone, but it was good to let some of this out!

*would you love me any less if i hurt you anymore?*

Posts: 30 | From: england | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3815

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*Sigh* It's too bad it couldn't have been a happier post that I chose to jump back into the mix here...I've been kinda lurking in the shadows for the past couple of months, but school's been a bit more overwhelming than I'd expected. Good to be back!

Yeah, but my boyfriend just broke up with me on Tuesday. I suppose he was nice about it; he said all the right things. You know, "Long distance is just too much work, or maybe I just don't want to make it work anymore," "I still like you a lot, I just can't do this anymore," "I still want to stay in contact." Yeah. Sure ya do. He hasn't called since then, hasn't emailed me, hasn't been online. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of getting over him, but he was the first guy I was ever with that I really cared about, maybe even loved. And I never got a chance to tell him. He was going to come visit me this weekend, but of course that didn't happen.

I'll probably see him again...In April. Wynton Marsalis is coming to town, and so he'll be seeing the show with his granparents, and of course I'll be there. It' just...oh, there's so much I regret. Not that I regret doing, but that I regret not doing. All the things I wanted to say that I never did, all the cute, affectionate gestures that I held back on because I thought they were too corny, they're all gone now. I'll never have a chance to tell him how much he meant to me, how much I missed him.

Maybe it's better this way: no more phone bills, no more struggling with schedules, trying to find time to talk. I'm sure I'll find love again sometime, but I just can't imagine dating any of my classmates - one of my friends agrees, she hasn't been able to think of a single "great guy" who's dateable. The only one is one of my best friends, and I just can't see myself dating him. I guess everything will work out...eventually. There are bunches of people in my school that I don't know yet. For now, I'm just left to wonder how things will be.

Ya know what, though? I don't regret having given long distance a chance. For the four months we were together, we had a good relationship, and we talked a whole lot (much to my dad's dismay ), and we got close, and sure, we didn't see each other a whole lot, but I'd say I'm probably a better person now, and a whole lot more mature than I was going into our relationship. In ten years, I probably won't remember most of my high school sweethearts, but I have a feeling I'll remember this one. And I'll remember him and our relationship in a good way. Maybe I'll even look him up some time. For now, though, I've just got to try to get on with my life. After all, there is more to life than a boyfriend!


Nobody knows what you know, nobody's seen what you've seen, nobody's lived what you've why let them judge you?
~Personal Quote~

You know, Hobbes, sometimes I think the surest sign of intelligent life elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

IM: AngelElisheva (Oh, I'm so creative, aren't I?)

Posts: 176 | From: Middle of Nowhere, PA | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5983

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Hey everyone here!!! I am new to these boards but I can definately relate to LDR'S!!! Have you ever felt 100% complete with someone you have never met physically? I am 'dating' someone in Australia (I live in Ohio, USA) and have been for over a year now. He is 8 yrs. older than me, but it really doesn't matter ya know. It's not like we are in person together, nothing serious can happen yet. We talk everyday online, maybe 2-3 times a month on the phone (it is expensive!! lol) We started as email buddies and months down the road, things just happened. We both feel that when we meet in a couple years it could be amazing, it could be 'it.' We aren't listening to anyone's opinions because 'no risk, no reward." In love, you take risks. :O) Thanks for listening to this everyone!!! byebye

*Above all things I believe in love. Love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love."

Posts: 6 | From: Ohio, USA | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5802

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Argh. Well. I wish my LDR was going better! I'm in San Francisco, he is in Paris. Good god, could we be any farther apart? He was supposed to come visit me this month but because of the sept. 11 attack he is scared to fly. I guess i shouldn't be complaing too much because I am going back in january to stay for 2 years but I haven't seen him since July and it may not seem like a long time but it IS! We have only talked on the phone like once because it is way too expensive so we only email...*sigh* love definitely hurts. LDR's aren't easy but mine won't be one for long! Well, just wanted to spill my beans so there ya go!
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Member # 20984

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well, i've been in LDR's before, but now my serious boyfriend (and possible future husband) is moving over 3,000 miles away. i have read some other articles, and i have some tips for people involved in these, to make it a little easier.
i know my boyf gets a kick out of little things i find to give him. like, ticket stubs saved from dates, notes i've saved, private blog entries i wrote about him. i made him a little box filled with tiny love notes for him to read when he gets lonely. things like that mean a lot.
another good idea i've had is webcams, if you will be connected through the internet. or, make videos w/ messages from friends, family, and yourself to mail.
letter writing is a lost art, but it's a great way to keep in touch. make it fun with colored pens and stationary (it's also great to keep the letters, and read back over your favorites when you get really lonely.) email also works, and can be more convieniant.
hope this helps someone else, going through what i am. it's tough, it really is. but little things can make it a lot easier.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.

Posts: 2 | From: K-town, TN, USA | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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