anyways, I started this topic in support groups to give people in LDRs or about to be in an LDR a chance to swap stories and get some support.

Have at.

And it's probably going to be long. Either an 18 or 23 hour plan ride.

And I have alot of issues I am trying to trash out now before I have to leave.

fortunately, our relationship is still strong. it takes a lot more effort to communicate, you lose all the little chances you would have if you were living near each other. it's really easy to fall into the mindset of "we shouldn't waste our time together/on the phone fighting."...but if you don't fight, you fall apart.

i've recently realized that i take the whole LDR thing much harder than my partner does. ny mother says i'm "too involved" with him (she meant because we're having sex), and that makes me think that maybe i love him just a little bit more...

i'm having a lot of issues with him lately. i like this forum.

em

He's graduating in June, works all summer at a theater, and in September he's enrolling in the military. Bummer.

~KittenGoddess

Yup...I'm in an LDR alright. I first met my girlfriend on October 26, 1997. We were both freshman at UCLA and lived in the same dorm. She was on the 10th floor ("The Penthouse"), while I was on the 3rd. Some fools elected me floor president, so I used to have get-togethers in my broom-closet sized dorm room. I kept seeing this gorgeous girl coming in and out, and one day decided to follow her upstairs. =) Well, sure enough, we had tons in common...several weeks later we were an "item," and having a great time!

So everything was hunky-dory until last December when she graduated. She had told me when we first met that she wanted to live in Germany, and she began to plan on doing just that. I was conflicted between my wanting to be supportive of her and my inner feelings of dread at being without her for an entire year. For Christmas, I got her all sorts of books and things that would help her find jobs in Germany...I felt like I was planning my own demise! I tried to keep my feelings of dread locked away inside, so as not to discourage her, but they came out one night anyway. I told her how worried I was, and how I felt terrified inside. She reassured me, told me how much she cared about me, and I felt better.

But then, of course, came the day I had to take her to the airport. I held her hand tightly the whole way there, I remember my hand was totally sweaty, I was definitely worried about her leaving. Everything seemed hazy at the airport, walking her to her terminal and having a "last meal" together. Then...the boarding announcement <sigh>. We walked to gate 62B and I got to hold her for a while. I tried to remember how good it felt to be hugging her, as I knew I would be missing it. I got to look her in the eyes, tell her I love her, and give her one last kiss before she turned and walked onto the jetway. I watched her go as long as I could...and then she was gone.

Surprisingly, I didn't cry right then and there. I definitely had a lump in my throat, for sure, but instead of crying I just felt hollow. The empty feeling you get when someone is gone. I had that feeling for about three days before she called me and told me she was okay. Then it subsided a bit.

So it's been several months now, and I only have 8 and a half more before she comes home!!! One thing I have noticed is that I have been far moodier than normal since she has been gone. Some days I'll be happy all day, and then suddenly sink into a deep depression, where all I can think about is how much I miss her. Other days I feel as though I am just "marking time," just getting each day over with as one day closer to her return date. Those days are the worst, I go to work but my heart just isn't in it.

But I have also learned a lot about myself as a result of this experience. I have learned what my strengths and weaknesses are, and I am in the process of learning how to keep myself busy so I am not focused on how much I miss my gorgeous girl.

And, most importantly, I have learned a lot about my relationship. I now know that the woman I've spent the better part of the past 4 years with is someone I truly care about, and somebody I cannot and do not want to live without. Now, whenever I get that rare phone call or e-mail, I make sure my sweetie knows how I feel about her. I've learned not to take anything for granted.

Wow, I didn't mean to turn this into an epic novel, I guess this topic really struck a nerve! You guys are the best...it really makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one going through such an event. These LDR's can be tough, can't they?

Take care everyone...thanks for letting me ramble on! If any of you feel like joining me in an "I-miss-my-long-distance-significant-other Cry-a-thon," ICQ me sometime.

--Danny

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Remember...absence makes the heart grow fungus.

ben went back to school today, though. i miss him already. what's especially hard is that we started talking about what we're going to do next year when i'm at college, like if i go to school far away...what it comes down to is that i just don't know. i don't think either of us could deal with a fully open relationship, but at the same time i'm not sure a monogamous thing could work either. we're going to have to figure something out, and i just don't know what.

urg.

em

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Tout est au mieux dans la meilleure des mondes possibles

Ok, so here's the deal (not about my relationship), boy and girl are very much in love. Boy moves to a new city, then girl moves away to college. Relationship continues, boy (who has serious co-dependency issues) is constantly questioning whether girl is cheating on him, she constantly assures him that she's not doing that. Girl gets sexually assaulted at a party, boy about goes nuts. Everything looks like it's being figured out, then boy starts thinking that girl is cheating. Girl assures him that no, she's not doing that...decides to spend break with him. Boy decides that he is going to ask girl to marry him. Girl arrives and tells him right away that yeah, she's been cheating on him. Things get more and more messy. Finally it occurs to girl that maybe she shouldn't stay entire week. Girl leaves, boy is broken.

Ok, I think it's safe to say that this girl just had no business doing what she was doing. So, the moral of this story is...not everybody can handle LDR's, and if you can't handle it, don't do it. And if you do it and find out you can't handle it, don't lie about it!

</rant>

~KittenGoddess

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"Am I nervous? Am I scared? Is it worth it? Should I even care? ...Man I like this guy, I really like him alot!"
~Pam Tillis, 'Please'

~*~12 days till M-day~*~

Yes, yes yes, I'm in an LDR, too. Have been for more than a year. My partner lives in Melbourne, Australia, a meagre 16.409km away from where I currently reside.
It's not the first LDR I'm in (my ex partner lived 800km away, and I always thought that was far enough).

This relationship has been difficult, to say the least, but not all the probs we had were necessarily related to distance; however, small things can turn into big probs when you're in an LDR and I did my fair share to make things worse, sometimes.

We've managed to handle lots though, too - the money and phone bill issues and his car breaking down (and using up his travel fund completely); his psycho-Ex; several bouts of clinical depression; trouble with friends and parents; no phone contact for several weeks at a time (because he worked in the outback); all kinds of worries. Money will always play a large role in all this, simply because it's not exactly cheap to fly that far. Even when I relocate (which I am planning to do next year), it will remain a big issue - I need to pay for extra Uni and all; and how much I pay wwill depend on my visa, which will depend on loooots of things (marriage?).
I wouldn't be in this relationship if it wouldn't - above all - make me happy though; if I wouldn't love this person very very much; if I wouldn't know that this is wort it. In fact, this relationship construct is kinda nice for the two of, because we're both really busy finishing Uni (I'm in my last year of law school, and he is in his second but last year of Med school), and I'm not sure how good we would be this very moment at having normal daily life together. Even though a normal life is what I crave with him. Backrubs and doing nothing together and sleeping in on Sundays and all. When we are together, it can be kinda hard to have normalcy, because we want to fit as much into the short time we have together.
Anyway. I'm thankful that it's not as difficult to stay in touch as it would have been even 10 years ago - cheap calls and icq and eMail and a steady decline in plane tickets does help. Otherwise this wasn't possible.

I'd met my boyfriend over the net, and I've known him for over a year now (we've been together for just over two months now). And we finally just really met a week ago. And let me just tell you, it was amazing. We got to know each other in the inside without anything physical to interfere. So when we finally met, everything just fell into place and it was perfect.

I think the hardest thing was letting him go after we'd spent time together. I had no idea it was going to be so difficult...

~KittenGoddess

I've spent the last 2.5 years dating a girl from another country. We're now engaged, and will be legally married in a week or two.

It wasn't easy. Can you imagine being parted from your fiance for 9 months, while some imbecile shuffles paper pointlessly?

I think the key with it is - within reason - to ignore all the naysayers (and there will be plenty!), and to be utterly honest. Spending a year blowing smoke up their rectum is going to be disastrous when you meet. (Duh!)

I think I'm in an LDR. I'm not completely sure. Yes, sounds weird, but hey, I'm weird. Anyway. We haven't SAID we're together/boyfriend and girlfriend/whatever yet, but I do believe we are. We don't live TOO far away from each other, but it is hard. We met over the Internet. We were both going through a lot at the time and we soon became friends, there for each other all the time. Things got better in both our lives, but we still were there for each other. We finally admitted we loved each other.

I think it takes a lot of strength to stay in an LDR. It's been trying for both of us. Sometimes, at parties, I just want to be like all the other girls and flirt with every guy there, but then I think of him and the thought of other guys is meaningless. We have our hard moments, but I think we'll make it.

He's coming to visit me in a week. I'm more excited than I can even say.

I think the meeting is the best part of an LDR. Perhaps I am just lovestruck, but I think it is.

Thanks for this support group!

Anthony and I met over AOL message boards. Before too long, we started chatting over IM, and nine months later, we were going out. Almost exactly a year after that, during Christmas, we met. He stayed at my house for two weeks, and quite contrary to me not liking him as everyone had warned, we loved each other more. I'm flying out to where he lives over the summer (2,900 miles), and I can hardly wait. He's my best friend, really; not to slight any of my girlfriends, but there's something very special there.

I'm so happy to hear from other people that, yes, a LDR CAN work. Even after more than a year, I still sometimes need that affirmation.

I met one of my ex's online. We talked for about 6 months before we decided to meet. We lived in the same city at the time, so it worked out pretty well. Right now we're both going through some tough times, and it's been rough, but we hung on to our friendship in the end. I started talking to my current bf online before i met him ... and he told me after we got together that he loved me before we met. All together now ... Awww ... LOL

My current relationship started out "normal" then became an LDR when my boyfriend went off to university. Now we're in the same city again, and living together. Which I'm so grateful for! It was really taxing, all those heartbreaking goodbyes. (The exhilarating hellos were nice, though!)

Feel what you're going to feel. Don't act like you have to "be brave until he leaves" or that you should cry if you don't feel like crying -- just feel what you feel when you feel it.

And remind yourself that it's not the end fo the world, that you will see them, and while missing someone hurts, it won't kill you.

Do things for yourself and have a good and happy life during the times when you're not together, so that a) time passes faster, b) you have lots of stuff to talk about, c) you don't feel like your whole life revolves around missing him.

All that stuff has helped me.

My boyfriend and I met 7.5 years ago (EEK) as you may know if you're reading some of the other threads (I posted the how-we-got-together story already so I'll not talk about that here.) Anyway, of course, we began as friends and basically he is my best friend and vice versa. It took a long time to admit there was actual romantic love there just because of the brother-sister relationship we shared, and because we both knew how this would ultimately change our relationship and make it harder to be apart. After 5 years, though, we admitted it, and we immediately made plans to meet. Before this, it was hard, just being someone's best friend and not being able to even give him a hug, but the whole thing totally escelated and became almost unbearable when we finally decided that we were in love. I became really frantic to make plans to go see him and my mother was completely against it and made me crazy telling me that she had this and this problem with it and wouldn't let me go. It was one of the most horrible experiences of my life, just trying to arrange that first meeting. And it was pretty crazy to get on a plane and stay with some guy for 9 days...I'll admit that. But obviously we knew each other incredibly well and there were no surprises. I was nervous as hell right up until getting off of the plane, to the point where my dad (who was behind us 100% and the voice of reason who ended up making the trip possible) asked me if I was excited as we were sitting waiting for the boarding call and I was just kind of speechless. I mean, I was...totally... but it was all really nerve-wracking. Anyway, as soon as I got off of the plane, all of my nervousness was just gone. We just kind of fell into a routine right there. It was so great. I knew that everything was going to be absolutely fine and I had no worries.

The following October he visited me at college and I visited him over my spring break and he came back with me for his. The following summer I came to stay with him for 2.5 months and work here, and I came back in January to take some classes at his college and work. In August, he and I will be going back to NY (He lives in Georgia right now, as his stepfather was transferred down here through the Navy) and going to nearby colleges. It will still sort of be long-distance, only seeing one another on weekends, but it is so much better than the 6 years we spent apart and the angstful money-counting and plane-trip stuff... IMO it has worked, and it's really beautiful right now to be able to wake up next to him, to officially go on "dates" with him (even though in the long run they're so unnecessary obviously...but it's fun...) and such. Going back to separate colleges will be tough, though, and I don't imagine the phone bills will be much better than they were before, but we'll see.

Throughout the long-distance phone calls, emails, and letters, though, I have felt that if you WANT it to work, it WILL. LDR's take considerably more work because of the added factor of distance and are probably a little more straining on the emotions but they ARE doable. I know that *I* will never regret a minute.

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"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

I know you posted this a while ago but im new here and thought that i wud share my story with you!

I have been in a LDR for nearly 4 months and it is the hardest thing i have ever had to do! I met my man online and we cud only wait 3 weeks untill we arranged to meet!

He lives about 6 hour drive away from me and although i realise this is not as far as a lot of people, it is still very hard!

We have learnt to make the best of every moment that we have together and when we are apart we both just concentrate on work and stuff and especially talk a lot about next time we will see each other!

I last saw him the day before yesterday and it kills me to say goodbye to him everytime! I feel so empty and lonley when he is not here with me!

I know its hard but i also know that he is worth all of it! It may not be perfect but we both know how lucky we are to have each other so the distance is just something we have to cope with! I have my bad days and stuff and times when i cud really do with his support but we make the most of running up huge mobile bills!!

Take care and dont give up!
xxxxxxxx

Ok, well my relationship started out about a month ago. We went to prom together, and everything, after that he FINALLY asked me otu!! We really like each other. We see each other almost everyday! Were super close.

I am going off to college in 5 wks. I am scared. I dont wanna loose him. I really think I will. I dunno maybe thats me just being negative. We never fight, or anything, I consider it to be an almost perfect relationship. My school is about an hr away. Not to bad. I am just really scared of the transition from having a normal relationship to a ldr. Eek!

Any help/advie will be great. Maybe I need a boost of confidence or something but I dunno!

As some of you know, I was away at the Penn State Music Camp last week. It was the most incredible time of my life, with some of the best musicians in the tri-state area, and the most amazing people I've ever met, but that's all for a different story. On Wednesday, I met a guy named Seth, and, to make a long, complicated story relatively short, we got to know each other, totally fell for each other, and then kissed on Friday. It was my first kiss that had ever really mattered to me; I'd kissed guys before, but mostly just out of politeness. I should insert here that the camp ended on Saturday, and he lives about two or 2 1/2 hours away. I'm pretty optimistic about the whole thing, because his granparents live about 15 minutes away from me, but he's at the beach with his dad now, and I haven't heard from him cause he's not online and I don't know when he's getting back...*sigh* This is all terribly new to me, so I'm just going to do my best to keep in touch and all that, but wow, I've never met a person like him before, and I really don't want to lose what we've got. Yeah, so now I'm worried about all the people he's gonna meet at the beach and all that...*sigh* I'm gonna go write him an email.

Thank you for listening to my rambling, I needed to get that off my shoulders.

~Angel~

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Nobody knows what you know, nobody's seen what you've seen, nobody's lived what you've lived...so why let them judge you?
~Personal Quote~

You know, Hobbes, sometimes I think the surest sign of intelligent life elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
~Calvin~

Anyway ... things have a way of working themselves out. It's important to keep the 'lines of communication' open, as honesty is really the best policy

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I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.
~ Anonymous

(We'll carry this convo on in village people or somewhere else, k? As other advo's like myself start to get cranky when threads are used for presonal convos. Whoops)

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I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.
~ Anonymous

It gets hard. Especially with the trust issue. But we work through the problems and in the end we love each other even more. I've cried, he's stressed, and we've even taken 1-day breaks to think about things. In the end we stay together and its wonderful.

Next year, I'm going to an all-girls school and he is going to an all-boys school. They are close and we have dances together. We get to see each other more often which is great news. I look forward to being with him for a long time--I have plenty of years left to have "fun" when we split (thats if we do)!!!

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-Ashli-

*sigh* Ya know, for some reason I thought that the leaving would get easier as we went along. Thus far it's just gotten more difficult each time. I mean, I know he had to go home, and I understand that. But at the same time, it's impossible not to be sad about it.

~KittenGoddess

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"Not everything in this magical world is quite what it seems"

Anyhow, Kitten... I digress... what I wanted to say somewhere in there is that I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from and I sympathize. I think what helped me the most was that I was working 40+ hours a week and so didn't have a lot of "down time" to sit around and sulk. Which I would have done if I wasn't incredibly busy ...lol... Somehow, it always works out for the best. Take care!!

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"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

If you're planning on going to Guatemala, make sure you have a backup. What will you do if you do end up stranded there? What will you do if he's not as ncie a guy as you think?

I'm not saying don't go, I'm just saying use common sense, and take care of yourself.

Punky, where will you stay while you're there? Is anyone going with you? Have you talked to any of his family members on the phone? Is there any way that you can verify that this person is who he says he is?

We met on the net through our love for two comic characters lol that was two and two months ago, the first eight months was long distance totally, even though I sad a lot I didn`t know anything else so I was happy much more of the time, plus he was awsome and adored me soo much.

Then he moved in with me and my family, he lived with me a year and it was the best thing ever, it was my first relationship and I love him soo much. It was so perfect the first few months, it was complete bliss.

But i got way to attachted to him and I sometimes even cried while he was at work or if he wanted to talk a walk by himself, we were around each other constantly, I loved this fact, he did not. He missed his friends and his home and his family, and he started to want to go back home.

I was a wreck and didn`t wamt him to, i talked him out of it every time he would bring it up. Until eventually his mom showed up (we lived 3000 miles apart orginially) and she said his dad was sick and he had to leave the next day but would only be gone about a week. I was in such shock.

The last night with him I just laied on the floor in the dark of my room and sobbed soo hard, it was the most awful thing in the world to me. The next day I cried my heart out while he was getting on the bus and he whipped my tears away and promised to be back in a week.

He hasn`t been back since and that was six months ago, I later found out he and his mom made up that story about his dad being sick just so he could go home. I never told anyone that because i was ashamed my boyfriend could hurt me and lie to me so much.

Were together now and it`s really hard after having lived with him a year to wake up every day and know he`s not going to be there, a big part of my life is completely gone and sometimes i get really sad and depressed about it. I`ve been trying not to and just to stay focused on talking to him and being as happy as we can be.

I plan on moving there in about a year when i finish school and we plan to visit each other. But I don`t think I`ll ever totally heal from knowing he choose to go 3000 miles from me when we might have been able to work out something better.

But I still really love him and miss him and and I`m really hopfuly after all we`ve been through we can make it through this.

It`s really encouraging to see all these LDR and hear a lot of good stories, it gives me hope to hear everyones story of long distance love.

Good luck to everyone!

However, no matter how much you are in love please please keep your head clear enough so that you can take some time to really think about the logistics. - Your top priority should be your safety.
Without wanting to scare you, please don't forget that people do horrid things online and keep up personas for ages and ages for bizarre reasons. I guess you never know that someone really is the person (s)he claims to be, until you see them person to person.
I am not saying that your partner doesn't exist or that you should doubt him, but I think your best bet would be, especially when heading to a country like Guatemala, that you make a safety net for yourself and be aware that you need to look after yourself and not rely on anyone else but you while there.
Travelling with someone would be good. Staying at a hotel would be, too (so that you don't have to depend on your partner and his family). Having extra funds so that you can hop on a plane and leave quickly if all works out differently than expected.

Think about it: if you were to meet someone you met online in your hometown, you would meet in a public place, tell a friend exactly what you were up to and possibly arrange a call up with a friend later so that they know you were safe. - You need to be even more cautious if you plan to literally have a blind date several thousand miles from home, where you do not know how to get help (if needed) as quickly as you would at home.

I really hope that you have no reason to be worried, and that once you indeed head to Guatemala, you will find that your worries and preparations weren't necessary; but really, don't just hop on a plane and hope all will be good.
Yup, we all want to be loved, and we all want to be happy, just don't let your emotions completely overrule your sense for your own security. Tis all a bit more tricky in the days of modern communication.

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Caro
~Scarleteen Sexpert~

Yeah, but my boyfriend just broke up with me on Tuesday. I suppose he was nice about it; he said all the right things. You know, "Long distance is just too much work, or maybe I just don't want to make it work anymore," "I still like you a lot, I just can't do this anymore," "I still want to stay in contact." Yeah. Sure ya do. He hasn't called since then, hasn't emailed me, hasn't been online. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of getting over him, but he was the first guy I was ever with that I really cared about, maybe even loved. And I never got a chance to tell him. He was going to come visit me this weekend, but of course that didn't happen.

I'll probably see him again...In April. Wynton Marsalis is coming to town, and so he'll be seeing the show with his granparents, and of course I'll be there. It' just...oh, there's so much I regret. Not that I regret doing, but that I regret not doing. All the things I wanted to say that I never did, all the cute, affectionate gestures that I held back on because I thought they were too corny, they're all gone now. I'll never have a chance to tell him how much he meant to me, how much I missed him.

Maybe it's better this way: no more phone bills, no more struggling with schedules, trying to find time to talk. I'm sure I'll find love again sometime, but I just can't imagine dating any of my classmates - one of my friends agrees, she hasn't been able to think of a single "great guy" who's dateable. The only one is one of my best friends, and I just can't see myself dating him. I guess everything will work out...eventually. There are bunches of people in my school that I don't know yet. For now, I'm just left to wonder how things will be.

Ya know what, though? I don't regret having given long distance a chance. For the four months we were together, we had a good relationship, and we talked a whole lot (much to my dad's dismay ), and we got close, and sure, we didn't see each other a whole lot, but I'd say I'm probably a better person now, and a whole lot more mature than I was going into our relationship. In ten years, I probably won't remember most of my high school sweethearts, but I have a feeling I'll remember this one. And I'll remember him and our relationship in a good way. Maybe I'll even look him up some time. For now, though, I've just got to try to get on with my life. After all, there is more to life than a boyfriend!

~Angel~

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Nobody knows what you know, nobody's seen what you've seen, nobody's lived what you've lived...so why let them judge you?
~Personal Quote~

You know, Hobbes, sometimes I think the surest sign of intelligent life elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
~Calvin~