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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » :*(****** help

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Author Topic: :*(****** help
Member # 252

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please help me. I have been crying for hours cuz my grandpa died and i was close to him..i cant stand going to the wake on sunday cuz i couldnt bear seeing him laying in the coffin...please help. :*(
Posts: 117 | From: America..~*hehe*~ | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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Aww *big hugs*

Honey, i know what it's like to lose someone close to you. It was just over a year that my own grampa died. Worse still, he was in FL at the time and I was home, in Ontario. I didn't get to see him before he died.

Personally, i think you should go to the wake. If not to support your family, and receive support from others, it'll offer you closure. That's really important in something like this. Losing someone so important in your life is hard, and it's things like funerals and wakes that allow people to move on w/ their life.

Maybe talking to your church leader (if you go to church, or synagog), your other family members or a councillor can help you sort out your feelings and if going to the wake is a good idea fou YOU personally.

Best of luck sweetie ... You'll pull though. Feel free to find me on icq if you need someone to talk to.

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
Member # 384

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Oh hon, I'm so sorry. Losing somebody is never easy. My sympathies, and a big hug if you want it.

Only you can decide if going to the wake (or visitation, or whatever) is the right thing for you. However, I know that when I went to my grandmother's visitation last year it turned out to be a really positive experience because there were all those people, family and friends, who knew her, all in one place. We shared stories, and I found out more than I ever knew about how much she was loved and respected by people who knew her.

I didn't like seeing her in the coffin, so I don't blame you for that, but if the visitation is in a funeral home there is often more than one room and so maybe you wouldn't have to be in the same room if it upsets you.

And I've got no illusions about you.
Guess what? I never did.
When I said, when I said, "I'll take it."
I meant, I meant As Is.
--Ani DiFranco, "As Is"

Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3052

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((((hugs))) Im very sorry to hear that... My Grandma died about a year ago, so I went through the exact same thing!!!

Shine, make em wonder whatcha got!-Newsboys

Posts: 66 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
momma cat
Member # 363

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When my grandpa died a couple years ago we all went to something that I guess would be like a wake, and I really couldn't stand the thought of seeing his body in a coffin, so I stayed out in the lobby of the church mostly. it was good because I got to be with friends and relatives and some people do need to see the body one last time in order to fully say goodbye, but I guess that's not true for everyone. It might be a good idea to go so that you can be around other people who miss him too, but you can decide if you want to get close to the coffin or not.
Posts: 155 | From: WA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 685

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Death is a really tough thing. My great grandmother died recently, and I remember something that was said in a speech. I thought it made much sense and it was comforting.

"You can compare birth and death to the sailing in and taking off of ships. When someone is born, everyone cheers and cries of happiness and joy. When someone dies, everyone cries of sadness and mourns. It should be the opposite. When someone is born, you don't know what sort of things and obstacles they will come in contact with. But when they die, everyone should cheer. That person is in a better place and they know that they've made it safely into bay."

Kinda pretty, huh? I'm really sorry, and I hope you feel better. Go to the wake, there will be others there who feel the same. You're not alone. Death isn't an ending, only a comma in the story of life.


shedding skin sucumb defeat
this machine is obsolete

Posts: 124 | From: Lucasville, OH, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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