Lately my friend has been talking about killing herself. She even showed me a sharp nail file that she says she considered using. The thing is... I honestly think she's doing this for attention. I mean-- she went on to tell me specifically who she did and did not want at her funeral, and exactly what she'd do when she's 'looking over.' Also, the reasoning she has behind her "bad life" are not serious. I talk to a counselor and I asked her if she would come with me but she said no. Believe me-- things like this are very serious to me, so if I wasn't sure that she is NOT serious I would be running to find someone to help her. What can I say to make her stop this? I already told her that I don't think it's funny and a bad way to get attention.
You're right ... this is anything but funny.
The issue here isn't really whether she's serious or not. She needs help either way. If she's not going to be responsible for her own mental health, than that's where you and the rest of her family and friends have to "step up to the plate" and make sure she gets the help she needs.
Not all people want to talk to someone about their problems. It took my mom 16 years to get me to go ... But it had to be a decision for me to make on my own, and i did. All you can do is offer though.
You can't make her stop. You honestly can't. You can tell someone that she is making threats to kill (or harm) herself. There is a reason behind it. If she is serious, then she needs to find the root of the problem and learn ways to fix it or cope. If she's just saying this things, then she really needs help anyway. She's not getting attention somewhere else in her life and this is her way of making up for it. I'm in no way making excuses for her ... b/c this is really the wrong way to go about it!!
Hope things work out for you and your friend sweetie ...
IT all boils down to this: would you rather be wrong, and maybe feel a little silly -- or would you rather be wrong and have your friend kill herself?
And if you're right, you have a lot to gain. Your friend can get the help she needs. Even if she's told you not to tell anyone. Even if she won't speak to you after you "tell on her." This is bigger than that. Whether she's "joking" or not, this is life or death.
Most people who commit suicide have talked about it beforehand. This is a warning sign.
Suck it up, girl. Make the right choice. You can do it, and let us know what's going on.
I've known people like this. Girls who sit there and tell us how they're bulemic just because they want the attention. At first everyone that was involved was really angry. We got incredibly worried, we cried, we talked, we yelled and screamed out our frustrations, just to find out that she wasn't after all. Bt then I realized something, if someone feels the need for attention that bad there is something very wrong there. Most of my friends didn't agree, but I still think that if someone is doing somethign or saying something about hurting themselves for attention, then something's very wrong and needs to be helped anyway.
So I don't know how that helps, but it's my thought.s
------------------ Brittany Scarleteen Advocate
This person is a natural product. The slight variations in color and texture enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects.
Tell someone. Tell her parents, tell your guidance counselor at school, tell... hell, put up a billboard, just tell someone who can get her help.
It is a serious warning sign when people talk about suicide, show that they've made plans for it, and are thinking about their funeral. Extensive planning like that really shows suicidal ideation.
Now, it's true that some people who are suicidal go to the opposite extreme and don't tell anyone -- but the making of extensive plans and sharing them is also a warning sign.
And, honestly, better safe than sorry. If she's just doing this for attention, the kind of attention she'll get related to this issue (which could include involuntary committment if they think she's a danger ot herself) will quickly show her that there are better ways to get attention.
Erin, who blew the whistle once, and hopes to never have to do it again
Tell someone, ASAP. Did you hear about the latest school shooting? Kids who know the guy who did it said he was "talking about it over the weekend. But he said he was joking. But he kept talking about it." And what hapened? The kid killed 2 people, because noone took him seriously.
Even if your friend is joking, maybe telling someone will get her to realize it's NOT funny. And what if she isn't joking? You could save a life! Either way, just tell someone, like her parents right away.
If it's bad enough that she's started joking about suicide, then she does need help. Suicide is nothing to joke about. Apparently your friend has serious issues if she is trying to get attention that way. Tell her that you're there for her if she ever needs you, and try to make her feel important. Some people have secret worries or guilts that they don't tell anyone about. It seems to me that she may be very depressed or angry, and this is her way of expressing it. Make it absolutely clear to her that suicide is nothing to joke about.
Maybe she really is considering suicide, though. It may sound like she's not taking it seriously, but it's so hard to tell. Just lend her your support, but tell her that it's not cool to joke about things like that because it gets people worried.
Maybe the way I explained it made it seem as if she is more serious about it then she is. There is *NO DOUBT* in my mind that she is just doing this for attention. She pretty much announced it to my entire lunch table and was carrying on about it. And it's not the first time either. She's done it before, and I, of course, gave her all the attention she craved. Obviously that didn't help. I just want her to stop saying it because it still upsets me. She was actually telling me that I should make people feel guilty about her saying she wanted to end her life. Regardless, you're right, all of you. I'm going to talk to my health teacher (who also has her in another class) if she's keeping this charade up tomorrow morning.
Hmmm, I think that there is another possibility as to why she might be telling everyone about this. Ok, well just my experience. Before I tried to kill myself in October, I told tons of people. I told all of my friends and my karate teacher. I was damn serious about suicide, but I went on and on about it for weeks to everyone. Now you may be wondering, why did PoetgirlNY do this? I'll tell you why. I hated myself sooooo much. I was convinced that no one would care if I died. I told people my plans for killing myself to see if they would have any reaction . . . to see if anyone actually cared about me. Well unfortunately, no one took me seriously. I guess they thought I was just joking or just being melodramatic. So I did try to kill myself after a few weeks of no response from unconcerned friends. I failed obviously(well, duh). The moral of the story is: Take your friend seriously!!!!!!
One of my best friends.... before I knew her real well was always "yeah if I kill myself play this at my funeral" and all my friends have a dark sense of humor, so I disregarded it... But when I got to know her better, I found out how much she WASNT joking...
I'm not saying you don't know her well, but I have to say, you can never be too sure.
Also, depression and suicidal thoughts are a lot of times more of a mind set than because of situations. Just because her life might be OK, doesnt really mean that SHE is ok...
And if she IS just doing this for attention, then more than likely, she IS feeling some sort of pain, because she needs that attention. I, for one, know what it's like to be surrounded by a lot of people who are depressed and have so called real, more important problems, and sometimes little, LITTLE things can throw me intoa deep, long funk because there's nobody to talk to about my problems.
I think you are a good friend to be caring so much about her behavior. I suggest that if she starts talking about it to you casually, you just say "ok. stop it. I really care about you, and you dont know how much it's hurting me to hear you talk about this stuff like it's no big deal. Let's talk things out, and I think you might want to go see someone"
And of course, you should talk to your counselor about your friend.
Absolutely tell somebody. Tell her parents, tell a teacher, tell your school counselor, whatever. Don't wait to see if she's still talking suicidal on Monday, just do it. I won't repeat the reasons everyone has given; they're all good. Whether or not she's actually planning to kill herself, suicide is no joking matter and your friend needs help if she thinks that it is.
------------------ And I've got no illusions about you. Guess what? I never did. When I said, when I said, "I'll take it." I meant, I meant As Is. --Ani DiFranco, "As Is"
i know this was posted a while ago but if it is still going on, tell someone. dont ignore her, and think that it is going to go away. trust me, suicide attempts and such is basically a cry for help. something is wrong with your friend. you might think that you can help her, talk to her and listen to her problems. the truth is, all though that does help, she needs professional help. please, talk to someone
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