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Author Topic: wheelchairs
kdxnate250
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Would girls have a problem with a guy in a wheelchair? I just had an injury and I'm paralyzed from the chest down and I wondered if any girls would date someone with this kind of problem or if any of you have before. Thanks.
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Gumdrop Girl
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personally, I think wheelchairs are the collest things!!! So no, if it were me, I'd have no problem dating someone who was wheelchair bound.

I'd have to say if someone isn't willing to overlook a disability to get to know the real you, then they're not worth the time anyway.

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KittenGoddess
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I definately wouldn't have a problem with it...in fact, I'm not sure it would really occur to me that it was even an issue (which it shouldn't be anyway). Gumdrop is right, anyone who sees that as an issue isn't worth your time anyway!

By the way, welcome to the boards!

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"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll


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alaska
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Hi nate,

aaaah, I agree with Gumdrop - Wheelchairs are cool! If a guy I was interested in was wheelchair bound, I think it wouldn't be a real issue.
If you're *at ease* (sorry, lacking better word here) with it and manage to show others that yes, you're normal and you can do lots of stuff yourself, they'll be at ease with you and your disability, too.

No worries, anyone who'd be bothered by your wheelchair isn't worth your time.
And another welcome to the board.

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Just a regular lunatic.
Go inside Alaska's head...


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Lynne
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Yes, girls will date a guy who's in a wheelchair. I can say this with absolute certainty because I've seen it happen: my mother once had an acquaintence who was a teenage boy in a wheelchair, and he had a girlfriend. Anybody who wouldn't date you because of your disability is probably so shallow that you wouldn't want to date her anyway.
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india
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I am sorry to read about the injury. I wish and pray you get better soon. I think it actually does not matter if a person is wheel chair bound or not to win the heart of a girl. There are thousands of guys who are good looking and all that yet they could not get to be with a single girl because of their stupidity. You know Tom Cruise or Brat Pitt, they are so cool and stuff yet they could not keep their love. Again, there are thousands of guys who got lovers not because of money, or nice looks but because of their sweet hearts. So do not worry if girls would come to you or not. Its all upto you, if you have sweet heart nothing would matter, girls would die for you.

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Lin
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Ooh, do I get free rides?

The fact that you have a physical disability should mean nothing.

And yes, anyone who doesn't make the effort to see past the fact that you are in a wheelchair is not worth your while.

Another big welcome to the boards.


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Hanne
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I'm gonna be real blunt here:

Yes, having a physical disability or difference of any sort at all *will* put some people off, and someone being in a wheelchair will make some folks believe that that isn't a person they'd want to get involved with. And you will inevitably run into some people like that. Any of us who have any significant physical difference from the so-called "norm" of being able-bodied, young, thin, white, and heterosexual have to deal with this issue to some degree... some people can't cope with the differences, some people learn to cope with them in time, and some people cope with them just fine, right off the bat.

As you've seen from the responses here, there are a lot of people who either don't care whether someone's in a wheelchair or who think that various types of differences are interesting and enjoyable.

So, though you will probably encounter SOME people who will freak out about a wheelchair, you will also encounter some who are absolutely cool with the whole thing.

Here at Scarleteen, we tend to be pretty chill about physical differences... what matters to us is that the people are cool and enjoyable, and it sounds like you definitely fall into that category. Welcome!

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Hanne Blank
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PoetgirlNY
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Well, from my experience I could say that there will definitely be girls who will want to be with you Nate. I think wheelchairs are cool. Last year my wheelchair bound sorta-boyfriend went with me on the AIDS walk. Well, half of it anyway. For three miles I walked and he wheeled along right next to me. When we got to the end, I leaned over onto his back at he took me for a really fun ride around Central Park. Let me tell you, this guy in particular always has tons of women completely enamoured with him. Try to look for positives about your condition. I'm sure it will enchance the Don't Move A Muscle game. Think of your disability as a built in jerk detector. Would you really want to be dating anyone who was that superficial and prejudiced anyway? This is a way to find out right off the bat if a potential girlfriend is as cool and nonjudgemental as you would like. Good luck.

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Limes Are Sublime


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unhappykoger
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im sorry about your injury. one of my best friends has muscular distrophy so he is in a wheel chair. if i wasnt with my husband i probably wouldve dated him. it doesnt matter about the way you look or how ou get around what matters is that you are a nice caring loving person. at least thats how it is in my opinion anyway.

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Lucky1402
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I wouldn't have a problem with it. Some people might, but in my opinion it shouldn't matter if someone has a disability or not. If I found someone who I really liked and they were in a wheelchair, I'd still like to be with them. Only the really shallow people wouldn't, and you shouldn't even waste your time on people like that. Besides, I think wheelchairs are awesome.

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*^Lucky^*
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BJadeT
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In a way, it could be helpful because you are not going to attract vain girls who like to be seen with the fit popular bloke on their arm and don't care about who they really are. No girl who really likes you will have a problem, but no girl who doesn't really like you will pretend to like you. I hope things go well for you!
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euphoric sadness
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Some do. I did years ago, with a guy that I deeply loved. That was the best time of my life, the only time that I can remember actually being happy. It lasted around 6 months and then he died. When he died, my life died with him. I would give anything to have have those days back.
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lilnerd
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Have you ever seen that show 'Undressed' on MTV? Well, there was a particular episode where this guy used a wheel chair and he wanted to go out with a girl but he thought she wouldn't like him because of his disability. He couldn't have been more wrong though because the girl was totally crushing on him! However, when she didn't want to have sex with him he assumed it was because of the chair (which was not the reason!) Anyway...I guess that's to say don't let this disability make you assume people won't like you just the same as they would if you weren't disabled. Excude your usual confidence and they'll come a runnin' --I actually think it's kinda sexy

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"it's like being hit in the head repeatedly with a sock full of quarter's" ~~Daria~~

[This message has been edited by lilnerd (edited 02-21-2001).]


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Jessie
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i totally agree w/ everything everyone has said! this might sound wierd, but i think being in a wheelchair could be an advantage. let me explain: as other ppl have said, anyone that would care about you bein' in a chair is a shollow loser, as a friend or romantically. so, w/ the chair, you know who the losers are right away! lucky you, the rest of us hafta find out the hard way! lol
well, i hope my screwed up opinions help!

jess


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questionman
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Well, i'm a guy, and I love girls in wheelchairs, so why should girls be any different about guys in them?
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kdxnate250
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why do you have such an attration to women in wheelchairs? Some of them can be jerks and some can be really sweet but they're like any other girl....
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rambler
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I know this thread is a little old, and that there is another one, but since I haven't seen some of you from this thread over in the other one (There's a sex and physical disability thread in Body and Soul), and since something struck me, here I am again to run my mouth.

Okay. kdxnate250, you said:
Why do you have such an attraction to women in wheelchairs? Some of them can be jerks and some can be really sweet but they're just like any other girl.

Well, I see your point--or at least I think I do. But I throw this out to you.

Why can't questionman be attracted to a girl in a wheelchair? She's just like every other girl. But she has a wheelchair. Yet it is not going to go away. It as much a part of her life (and yours) as green eyes, blonde hair, a smile. Asking questionman why he'd be attracted to that is about as arbitrary as asking "Why women?" or "Why girls with blue eyes?"

I will admit that it may not seem so much a part of "you" now because you are new to being disabled, but since it's a large part of how you get around (and same for me with my crutches) I think you'll eventually realize that it really is part of you, because without it you'd be in a much more awkward situation. When I don't have my crutches where I can find them, it's a big deal... And sometimes they are really annoying and I might think that they get in the way of people liking me but that's only when I am feeling down and it goes away. If you don't make a big deal about it, it just becomes a part of you, people will just get used to the fact that it is there, and may even forget about your disability, which is a compliment. You know you're doing something right when a pair of crutches or a chair is right in front of someone and they're literally looking past it.

And if you look at it that way then it's pretty silly to ask questionman why he'd be attracted to a girl in a wheelchair. Because he's a person is not necessarily focusing on it, and probably isn't, if he's attracted to a disabled person. It's something that's there but it doesn't have to rule the girl's life and doesn't have to define who she is.

(Although I'm not trying to act like a shrink here and I will say that for a lot of people the equipment can get in the way of getting close to us. But that's usually a sign that someone is scared, and telling them it's not a big deal will help somewhat. Still, there are mean people out there. I'm not trying to write you a fairy tale. But as other people have said...you would not want to date the people who can't deal.)



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kdxnate250
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well rambler, questionman has posted in several other forums about having fantasies about getting blow jobs from girls in wheelchairs and other things. It just seemed wierd to me. It seemed to me like it was some sort of fetish or something... But I think its cool that he'd be attracted to girls in wheelchairs. It just seemed that in one or two that what he was talking about wasn't exactly consenual either... But anyway, I think I'm done shooting my mouth off.
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Hanne
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Yeah, sometimes people can seem (or be, though we don't know this guy so we can't really judge) to be fixated on disability or other traits (skin color, breast size, body shape or size, etc.) in ways that seem kind of ooky and that make us feel nervous. I usually try not to assume that this is the case, though, since in my experience it's not too common that it really is.

But speaking of sexy wheelie guys, I had to stop myself from staring the other day on the train -- very very hot wheelie guy sitting at the end of the car talking with a friend of his. He was very much a type I go for in terms of looks, and from what I could overhear of the conversation, very smart. Both things are quite attractive to me, so I was looking... However, I was with my partner, who noticed me staring and just chuckled and elbowed me in the ribs, then teased me (good-naturedly) later on about scopin' the cute men on the train.

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Hanne Blank
Co-Editor, Scarleteen

Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!


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rambler
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Yet again, I have to run my mouth off on a topic that's old.

I can see how you would be weirded out by a guy fixating on disability--and yeah, those people do exist. They freak me out, too, because, well, I'm just being honest here. But people who are into the dependency part of it all really aren't the norm. And another thing to remember is that plenty of people have really weird sexual fantasies. A lot of people have rape fantasies, for example (a lot of women, even). And a lot of the time, people want their fantasies to remain fantasies in the first place. After all, if they became a reality they would lose their power.

Personally, I've never had a rape fantasy, and all of my fantasies have been pretty mundane, but things can get pretty wild when you're horny enough. And a LOT of people have fantasies about other peoople being dependent on them during sex, or doing for them what they know they couldn't get those people to do just by asking... That's why it's a fantasy.

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rambler
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