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Author Topic: Probelms....
glitter695
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Member # 1515

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My boyfriends stepfather......oh boy..hes drinking again, AGAIN!! He stopped for about 5 years and he started up again, and its ruining my boyfriends life! He gets depressed and he gets me down with it. Its not fair. His stepdad gets mad over the littlest things. And he will yell and bitch forever, unless bob (my boyfriend) gets really mad and leaves the house. And this all happens at night. Yesterday, his stepfather was drinking and he got mad at bob cuz he didnt hook up the phone. So he bitched and yelled saying I pay the F(bad word) bills. He ranted and yelled untill bob got on his pants and went out the door, and while he was going out the dorr he said FU!!!!!!!

He called me from the supermarket and he was all upset. He snuck home in the middle of the night to go to sleep. And he got ready for school at my house.

This really isnt right. He wrote me a note today and he told me that his parents wont listen to what he would say. I dont think that his mother should take the stepfathers side when he knows he is wrong.

I told bob to talk to his parents when his stepfather is sober. It will be easier, and he should understand, that he can go thou this all the time.

What do you think we (he) should do? Hes so sad and it makes me sooo sad, to see him like that, it makes me cry, I never want to see him hurt.

It happens all the time, but yesterday was worse then other nights!
Hes thinking about going to his fathers and quiting skool DOUBT IT I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NOW!!!!
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*~*~12/3/99*~*
Its the best feeling in the world to know that somebody loves you more then anything in the world! *~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

[This message has been edited by glitter695 (edited 02-16-2001).]


Posts: 1978 | From: NY:) | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I think the first thing he needs to do is to find some support. A great place to get that with situations like these are at ACOA (adult children of alchoholics) or Alateen meetings, where he can find a full group of people who have been through or are going through what he's dealing with.

If I recall correctly, you're around Long Island, and Mather Hospital's page states it holds those meetings, and the local number for your county's Alateen group is: 516-654-2827.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 67112 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
glitter695
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No I live in Buffalo NY.

My mom said that he needs to get couciling too. BIG SIGH....... I will be there for him all the way. I want everything to be ok!

------------------
*~*~12/3/99*~*
Its the best feeling in the world to know that somebody loves you more then anything in the world! *~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*


Posts: 1978 | From: NY:) | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I didn't imply counselling, per se. AA meetings or ACOA meetings aren't counseling. They are facilitated support groups on which people going through the same thing help one another.

Look in your local phone book, or call your civic center or local hospital and ask about these groups and where meetings are.


Posts: 67112 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
glitter695
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Hes sooo soo not a person to talk about his probelms in front of people he doesnt know. He has a hard time talking to me about it. He wants to talk about it, when he feels like it. He says hes not the one that need help his stepdad is.

For example, he was very quiet today and he went to talk to somebody when he felt like it. I dunno.

Im sorry If I sounded snappy Miz S. I didnt mean it.

------------------
*~*~12/3/99*~*
Its the best feeling in the world to know that somebody loves you more then anything in the world! *~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

[This message has been edited by glitter695 (edited 02-16-2001).]


Posts: 1978 | From: NY:) | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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No, you didn't.

But the truth of the matter is that his whole family likely needs help and support. But the only person he can make sure gets it is him -- he can't order his stepfather or mother to get it because he's not the guy in charge and they're adults.

I know a lot of people who just sat in at ACOA meetings and listened for months and months -- no one is required to say antyhing at all if they don't want to, and you could even go with him.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 67112 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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My ex bf's father was the exact same way. Although he didn't live w/ them at the time, his father would make sure to call him almost every nite to tell him what a failure he was. Extremely sad

But i have to agree w/ Miz S here. My mom suggested alateen to me, b/c my bf (at the time) was really depressed by all of this. He would drink as well, and smoke pot and cut his arms up. I felt so bad for her but there was really nothing i could do for any of them

I had my first support group type session when i was in the hospital for depression. They made me go (to "heal" me or something), but they would never make me say anything. They asked why i was there and what my name was, and that's it. Anything else i said was up to me. Although i didn't really open up to anyone in there, it was nice knowing that i wasn't the only one dealing w/ those problems ...

Ask your bf if he's willing to give it a shot. You could go w/ him. My mom used to go to NA w/ her ex bf ... They like people who are able to support others. And you are definately one of those people. I can sense it


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glitter695
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I talked to bobs mom yesterday. I told her how bob felt and how I felt about the matter. I told her theat everything goes wrong when (we will use the name billy) billy starts drinking. I said that you need to have the family sit down and all have a nice talk with eachother. She said that it wouldnt work because billy doesnt listen. I said then you make him listen, its not fair that billy is bring the rest of the house down because hes mad about something stupid when he drinks. I said you have to communicate as a family, there is not only 1 person in the house. You all have to help eachother if you want the family to be healthy. And I said that he shouldnt be able to take advantage of you guys.

She said erica you are right, I will talk to billy tonight. Then she called bob at work and told him that bob can go to his dads tonight, and then she will talk to billy.

It might have sound nasty, but I realy wasnt, she understood what I was saying. Im glad, it made me feel good that she agreed with me. Well we will see what happens, now wont we?

------------------
*~*~12/3/99*~*
Its the best feeling in the world to know that somebody loves you more then anything in the world! *~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

[This message has been edited by glitter695 (edited 02-17-2001).]


Posts: 1978 | From: NY:) | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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