I hate my life. i don't know what to do anymore. I'm so depressed. I'm sacred of my friends seeing the scars all over my arms. I don't want everyone to know that I cut, they can't know. I don't want to stop.
I feel so worthless. I cry myself to sleep everynight. I wish I had someone who would love me. My own mother doesn't love me.
Hon, by your username I'm guessing you're fifteen. I hated being that age, tended to sadness, panic, and some self-loathing, and I'm absolutely grateful not to be there any more. Not much comfort to you now, I realise, but my point is that it should pass n time. Until then, though, things could be rough. There's a lot of stuff out there that actually is designed to cause you to hate yourself, usually to make you want whatever product or service that personal responsible for it wants you to want, and that's a pretty cynical viewpoint, and it seems like it should be easy to resist, but it's much easier to fall prey to it. Puberty also brings on all sorts of chemicals that can make you feel nuts, so that makes it even more difficult.
What exactly is it that triggers your feelings? Have you sought out any help, or even looked into ways of avoiding situations that make you feel bad? The best quick-fixes I can think of right now would be to immerse yourself in some good music, writing (can be incredibly healing), or something similar. Even a video game could work, but avoid TV; it lets your mind become idle, and more prone to bad moods like you're experiencing right now. And when you get the chance, you might want to seek out counselling, or ask your school's guidance department what services may be available to you. You don't have to tell them what's wrong, just that you have some issues you'd like help with.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000
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OKay you know what, I saw this on Discovery Channel yesterday and apparently exercising helps fight depression. Why don't you give it a try? This way you get healthy and happy at the same time. Okay, I know there is no actual scientific proof but it can't harm can it? Of course, don't over exercise.
I feel the way you do at times too. I usually have a good cry, listen to music or write here. It really helps. Writing really does. Is there anyone you can confide in or talk to? A friend or relative maybe?
We are also here if you need someone to talk to you know? If things get really bad, why not see your school counsellor as Milke suggested? Counselling can be really helpful.
All the best sweetie and know that we are here for you. *hugs*
Awww, hun. I used to feel like you did all last year. I would cry during school and at home, and no one could ever cheer me up. I felt worthless, and lonely, and different from everyone else, so I was in the counselor's office about once a week. Oh, and I would cut myself too, just like you do. Then came summer, and highschool, and I started to feel better. I'm not sure if it would work in your case, but I started joining clubs and making new friends, and I kept a journal everyday of the good things in my life so I could raise my confidence. I'm sure there's alot of good things about you and I know that there is at least someone out there who loves you. Try to think of the good things about yourself and the good things in your life, and try to get past your fears and issues with your family and yourself. Plus, you should definately talk to somebody about it- that always helped me when I was down. Remember, there is always something great in everybody, and from what I hear things will most likely get better as you mature and get older. I hope you feel better!
------------------ *^Lucky^* "We have to pause and ask ourselves: how much clean air do we need?"~ Lee Iococca "Dream as if you'll live forever, live as though you'll die today." "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
This has all been good advice. Getting involved with something will make you feel a lot better. I was just like you too. I would sit at home and just feel bad about my life, and how no one loved me...but when I did start getting back into the world, I realized just what I had been missing. LIFE. Ever seen Ferris Bueller? A great quote; "life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while you could miss it!" Don't miss out. Go and join a club, exercise, write, read, act, dance, sing, and meet new people. If things continue to effect your life as they are now, then you need to go speak with someone... I was 20 degrees below motivated when I was like you, so, it took some pushing but I got back out there. You can do it to sweetie
------------------ “the safest sex is no sex but if you gunna have sex wear a latex”- Teck $ "girl, i told you...be careful when you likin' a guy, cus if they sense your feelings are too intense it's pimp or die" -Jay Z
I totally totally know how you feel. I don't cut but I have taken overdoses and that meant that I was put under psychiatrists. It's not nice having someone rake over your life and make you cry but it can help. Maybe you should try that, I don't know if you have a health service that would provide it free. But what they said to me that my problems were not to do with my mind, ie,I'm not gonna be like this for the rest of my life, but the development of it. It's probably the same for you-it'll get better I'm sure. That's about all I can say I'm afraid. Good luck
Posts: 394 | From: Manchester, Lancashire, England | Registered: Dec 2000
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Sexy1985-i cant rememeber the number of times that my blood has tasted metal. I live with depression everyday of my life. I started going down hill when my dad committed suicide.
I soon found that I had isolated periods of depression...depression because I felt bad...negative thoughts and attitudes...but they would come and go without any reason. These would especially be pronounced if I overworked (school)
Soon the isolated periods stopped and i was constantly at an all time low. I soon realised i needed help and went to a doctor. I was dignosed as being a manic-depressives, which have very high times and then very low times...I got medication and took it for a year. The whole time my depression going un noticed because I confined myself to my room and didnt socialise in school.
Like you, i hated myself, my life, and started cutting all at the age of 11, still at the age of 17 i have depression. I stopped taking my medication because i still couldnt deal with the fact that i was a depressent. I turned to drugs and the high life.
Im telling you this because I dont want you to end up like me, and to have the scars that im ashamed to show anyone. Im scared to have a b/f in case he rejects me when he sees the scars.
if you EVER need anyone to talk to. Please dont hesitate to ask, and at the moment if you dont feel comfortable talking to someone you know. email me @ DivinitySickness@start.com.au
hope whatever you decide. it works out
------------------ Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
[This message has been edited by Divinity Sickness (edited 01-20-2001).]
Posts: 16 | From: where nothings sacred | Registered: Jan 2001
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