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Author Topic: confused about everything.
Lucky1402
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Member # 894

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I'd say that I have been having a pretty good time this year, but I can't seem to ever have a "great" time. There's always these nagging worries and thoughts lingering in the back of my mind. My biggest concern is me not being in a relationship. I've never actually been in a good relationship, although I've been looking around for someone who would be a good candidate for a boyfriend. It seems that all of my friends except me have boyfriends (or girlfriends in the guy's case) or someone who likes them, and it constantly leaves me feeling like a loser and that I'll never find a guy. Dances are the worst. Plus, I'm always concerned about my looks- how my hair looks, if I'm wearing makeup or not, what my clothes look like. It makes me so mad at myself for doing that, because I'm not ugly and I'm not a conceited person at all. Most of the time when I'm with my friends or having a good time I don't even care about what I look like. Am I ever going to get any relief from these worries? And am I doomed to a lonely life without ever finding a boyfriend??

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*^Lucky^*
"We have to pause and ask ourselves: how much clean air do we need?"~ Lee Iococca
"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as though you'll die today."
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."


Posts: 492 | From: Michigan | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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Member # 1207

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Sweetie ... the answer to your problems is YOU

You're putting your happyness in someone else's hands. So what if you don't have a boyfriend? You shouldn't need someone else in your life to make yourself happy.

It's a lot easier to be happy w/ what you have, instead of constantly being in search of what you *don't* have.

I used to go to NA meetings w/ my mom and her bf (he went b/c he had a prob, mom went to support him and my sis and i went b/c that had toys lol we were little ...) and they had this little saying that they said at the end of all the meetings ...

It has something to do w/ accepting things you can't change, changing the things you can, and knowing the difference b/w the two ... I've been thinking about it for soooo long and i can't remember it!! Can someone help me out here?

Moral of the story ... You don't need a boyfriend ... or anything or anyone. You need *you* to be happy.


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KittenGoddess
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Member # 1679

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Smurfy, I know that saying too...but I can't remember the exact wording! I heard it again just the other day when I was watching 28 Days. Ugh, that is just highly annoying when you can't remember stuff like that!

Anyway, Smurf is right, you don't need someone else to make your life happy. You can't make someone else happy until you can make yourself happy. I'm 20 and I didn't even start dating anyone till I was 19. I'm a virgin, and I've never kissed anyone. In high school I was lonely alot of the time too. I used to wonder if I was gonna be alone forever, but then a couple of things occured to me. First of all, I was only in high school, I had plenty of time to find someone to be with! And second, if there was someone out there who was meant for me, then we'd find each other when the time was right, and worrying about it wasn't helping me. So I made the decision to live my life and be happy with who I was and enjoy the experiences I was having. And so I stopped worrying about it...and a year ago, I met this amazing guy who I'm incredibly happy with right now. So don't stress about it, it'll happen when it happens!

~KittenGoddess

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"Intelligence is like underwear. We all should have it but we shouldn't show it off."
~James Dent

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
~Helen Keller


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ErinK
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What they say at the end of NA and AA and other meetings that end in anonymous is called the Serenity prayer. The bits you're referring to go as follows:

quote:
God, grant me the Serenity To accept the things I cannot change... Courage to change the things I can, And Wisdom to know the difference.

If you want to read the rest of it, or read about its history, try this URL:
http://recovery.hiwaay.net//jtr/serenity.html

As for the other stuff, the cliche always goes that good things come to those who wait. I've actually found it true. I hope it comes true for you too.

Erin, aka a Google addict


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KittenGoddess
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Ah, muchas grasias Erin! Just drives me nuts when I can't remember stuff like that. But I knew there had to be somebody around here who either knew, or wasn't too lazy to go look it up (I was too lazy to go look it up )!

~KittenGoddess

[This message has been edited by KittenGoddess (edited 01-10-2001).]


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LilBlueSmurf
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Thx lots Erin

I've been thinking about that for soooo long ... i knew it had the word serenity and wisdom but i didn't know where they went and what the other word was (courage) hehe


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Kechara
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Well dear, I was in somewhat the same situation a couple years back. It might seem like everyone has a girlfriend or boyfriend or at least "someone who likes them" but it really only does seem that way (thoguh, what do you mean by "someone who likes them"? that hardly sounds mutual, and if it's not mutual then what's the point?) I bet a lot of them are pretty short-lived anyway. A Relationship is not a prerequisite to having fun and being happy. You are not doomed. You have plenty of time in your life. a suggestion: don't think about "looking around for someone" suitible as a boyfriend, just make friends with interesting people, some of whom happen to be male; sooner or later, you'll probably notice that one is cute and available- and you already know you like him as a person. But try not to think about that second part or you might try to force it- easier said than done, I know. I really don't have any solid advice on how to get to that state, is happened by accident for me. And it's awfly frustrating, isn't it?
As far as being concerned about your looks- why do you get mad at yourself for caring how you look? There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good. Wear the clothes that you look best in.

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