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lilnerd
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Member # 1194

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OK, I'm finally getting this out...I have never told anyone this. My dad smokes pot, and I know it. It really, really bothers me. I know he grew up in a time where the things he and his friends did were a lot worse but it still really upsets me. Last year I left a note in his pants pocket and I asked him "Daddy, please stop for me." Later that week he came and talked to me and he told me he got the note. I was hysterically crying from the minute he said that. I didn't even know it bothered me THAT MUCH. He apologized, and he said that if it was hurting me so much he could stop. Well, he did...for about 3 months. Now I know he is doing it again. I just feel so bad cuz it's like "Does he think I'm retarted or something? Like I can't figure out he's doing it again" I mean, of course he would never do it near me but there are way's of knowing. It hurts me so bad and I was just wondering if anyone else ever had to deal with something like this, and if so what did you do? Thanks for your help.

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Posts: 543 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ella
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My dad smokes pot too, and I guess the thing that makes me maddest is that it makes me ashamed of him. He's a wonderful father and I do mean wonderful but this one thing just embarasses me to no end. He doesn't abuse it or anything just smokes up once every now and then, but it's something I'm supposed to be doing, not him.

I find now that I'm in uni I know a lot more people who I think their parents smoke up so I don't feel so isolated anymore. It's not something I'd ever feel comfortable talking about except in the 'anonymous' space of the internet.

I think that talking to your dad about it is the first step. I know I set some rules for him like never ever talk about it, never do it when I'm around or my friends are. I know it sounds like denial and it is in a way, that's the way I deal with problems. Deny them. I think the point I'm trying to make is not that that's the way to do things, but that you should talk to him, he may not stop, but he can change his behavior.

I hope that helps and I'd be interested to know what other people think, it'd really help me too. I know that my dad was a hippie and so were a lot of people's parents, so how do they deal with the leftover Marijuana use?


Posts: 303 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ThisGuy
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It's not much consolation, but at least your dads aren't alcoholics - marijuana doesn't tend to trigger violence.

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"A woman's body is made up of three parts: her head, her elbows, and some other bits.
Now, class...lets move on to algebra."


Posts: 915 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DeLynnFLX
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Oh God.....If i could only count how many times i went to bed crying because of my dads pot obsession.... If i could only count how many joints i found in his truck....If i could only count how many plants i destroyed in the woods of my backyard.....
It's hard and i totally see where you're coming from. No matter how many times i asked him to stop, and how many notes i wrote him, he won't. Pot is a strong drug and it has my dad wrapped arounds it pinky.
I've learned that all i can do is love him. His addiction has been the main reason my parents are getting divorced. He can't stop, no matter how hard he tries, even tho i doubt he even is trying. Just love your father.... If anything that's what's gonna help to quit.

Posts: 6 | From: Potterville, MIchigan, USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ou2mame
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I really don't think you have the right to dictate how your parents live their lives. He's not hurting you physically.. He may not be setting the right example, but at the same time, its not effecting you except the way you let it. Me and my dad were talking about smoking weed a few days ago, and he used to do it. I find it nice that I can talk to him about it without being afraid of his reaction, and also knowing that he's had experiences with it. So when I have a problem, I can go to him. He quit for his own reasons. I smoke weed, and he knows... He also doesn't mind, as long as I'm responsible for it. I don't know why you care if your dad smokes up, as long as he's not hurting anyone..

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just when everything was making sense
you took away all my self-confidence
now all that I've been hearing must be true
I guess I'm not the only boy for you


Posts: 148 | From: Long Island, NY | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hanne
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Member # 100

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The problem here, ou2, is that there are more kinds of hurt than just physical hurt. Sometimes, when people use drugs (of any kind, not just pot -- prescription drugs, whatever) they end up being distant, or emotionally unavailable to people who need them and dpeend on them, or perhaps some aspect of their personality when they're on the drugs is scary or makes the people close to them feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.

Yes, ultimately, it's an individual's choice to do drugs, to drink, to do whatever... but that doesn't mean that sometimes, people's legitimate decisions to do things aren't hurtful. It's okay to talk about the hurtful stuff. It's not okay to belittle that aspect. You may not have problems with people close to you using drugs, and that's fine if it works for you. But it doesn't work that way for everyone, and won't. I think we can all respect that.

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Hanne Blank
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Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!


Posts: 1538 | From: boston, ma, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Hey lilnerd,
I think it's worth talking about it again, for a couple of reasons.

Perhaps this time, the two of you can be sure to have a talk in which both party gets its say. In other words, you can tell him WHY it bothers you, and he can tell you WHY he enjoys it, and I'm willing to bet the two of you can meet in the middle somewhere.

I'm a great big fan of compromise reached through understanding.


Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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