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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Losing a loved one

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Author Topic: Losing a loved one
Member # 1516

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I found out my uncle had cancer about 6 months ago. Early Monday morning, he passed away. I am mad at myself because i never got a chance to tell him i love him. I went to his house on Halloween to visit him but he was sleeping and he needed his rest to stay strong. Every Halloween since i can remember, we would always stop at my aunt and uncles house last. And they'd let us take all the candy we wanted. And we'd sit and visit for a while. I'm now 14 yrs old and i promised myself that every year, even if i don't go trick or treating i'm stopping at my aunts house, For my uncle Jim. I just want to tell everyone not to wait till someone is gone to tell them u love them, don't assume that they know. You never know who's life u could change by 3 little words. I'm speaking from experience. It tears me up inside knowing that i didn't get to tell my uncle i love him, and now, he's gone.... His funeral is tomorrow. It's the first funeral i've ever been to. I now dedicate Halloween to My (great)uncle, JIM WEST.

I love you uncle Jim!!! I know ur watching over me, and i'll see u soon in heaven....

Posts: 6 | From: Potterville, MIchigan, USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1515

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People do realize how much they do ccare for that person after they loose them, I dont know why they dont realize it when they are alive, but thats just the way some people are...You dont always have to say I love you to get your point across to your family or someone you care about very deeply, showing you love them is more than words can say, they will apprecatie it, believe me I know from experience too...

"The first time I saw you, I knew that I would fall for you, & now that were together, our love will last forever!!" -By: The person I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD!!

Posts: 1978 | From: NY:) | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1476

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I recently lost my dad to a brain tumor... believe me I know what you're talking about. The few days after he died all i could think was 'he never knew how much i loved him.' B ut then i realised he did. Love is much, much more than telling someone they are special - it's being there for them, doing little things - like fixing them dinner, buying them silly presents, and making them smile. I think I'm just getting into my proper grieving stage, over amonth later, and i cry a lot, but i know my dad knew i loved him. okay, so when he was well, we rowed furiously, but little things - like just hugging him as he slept in his hospice bed - are the things that matter. i hope the funeral goes okay. my dad's was my 1st funeral - it was sad, but really beautiful... a real goodbye. it helped me separate my dad from his body - he is gone physically, but then, it was his body that was causing him pain, but his beauty and general loveliness live on.

~*smiles are kisses for the soul*~ ;)

Posts: 50 | From: England | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1896

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My heart goes out to everyone who has lost someone who was close to their hearts.
I lost a close friend of mine, Stephan, when I was 16 - he was 19 at that time. Right after his death, I could only think about all the things I had never told him...all the things we had planned and never did. I felt incredibly guilty.

These days, I have made peace with the fact that he has passed away (at least most of the time) - and I hope he somehow (don't ask me how) knows about all the things I wanted to tell him.

The following was read at his funeral......and everytime I look up into the sky at night, I think of him.

"All men have the stars," he answered, "but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travellers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my businessman they were wealth. But all these stars are silent. You-- you alone-- will have the stars as no one else has them--"

"What are you trying to say?"

"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night... you-- only you-- will have stars that can laugh!"

And he laughed again.

"And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure... and your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!' And they will think you are crazy. It will be a very shabby trick that I shall have played on you..."

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry«The little prince»

Just a regular lunatic.
Go inside Alaska's head...

[This message has been edited by Alaska (edited 11-17-2000).]

Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 78

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We are getting close to the anniversary of my father's death. It will be 5 years on November 28th. I am past the intense grieving stage and I did some work as part of grieving group at my church that helped me a great deal.

I still feel sad and I miss him, but I am not consumed by it. This time of year is hard though. I get a lot of flashbacks. Spending time with my sister helps. We usually do something small, but special together in honor of my father.

It is funny. I don't really know what else to say. My father's death has made me quite cynical about cancer and disease, the expectations of a "perfect" life. I am not hard and empty, but I am not as innocent as I once was.

Louise Lalonde
-Scarleteen Sexpert & Volunteer du Jour

Posts: 1060 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 316

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Many of you have read a post from about a month ago when I was really having difficulty dealing with the death of my father. I am happy to report that I am doing much better. My father committed suicide on September 12 and it has now been a little over two months. I was, and will always be, a daddy's girl. He was always doing special things for me, like picking me from school and taking me to lunch, and dropping me back off before my next class, and buying special things for me. The computer I am using now was a gift from him. He owned his own business, he was a contractor (built new homes). He was, however, a very softspoken man. He was constantly getting hurt by harsh comments made by rude customers or subcontractors. His business was going under, and we began to have financial problems. He never told any of us how bad it all was. Tuesday, September 12th, I woke up at 5:30, as usual, and asked my mom if I could go in late. She lectured me about missing so much school, but dad jumped in and said he would drop me off later. I woke up an hour or so later, and got dressed. We got into his truck and he took me to Hardies for breakfast. I talked excitedly about my teachers, because that night was open house, and he was going to meet them. Then he took me to school. When we pulled into the parking lot I reminded him that he was supposed to pick me up that afternoon at 3:30, because I had a Bible club meeting. He said that he would remember, but that if anything came up to call my aunt. This was not unusual, as a contractor he often had to deal with major crisises on demand. I went through the whole entire day living the perfect life I had always had. I got out of Bible Club at 3:35. By 3:45 I was upset that he was late. At 4:00 I was angry because I assumed he had forgotten. I called my aunt then, and a good friend named Chris camed to stand with me until she got there. We both just assumed he had forgotten. When my mom got home she was nervous, and you could tell. It was almost 6:00 and no one had heard from him since 10 that morning. I laid on the couch talking to my friend Josh on the phone and watching full house. I heard the doorbell ring. It was a police officer and a detective. You all can pretty much take it from there. He had stopped at a park to read the newspaper. Someone saw him there at 9:30 (pretty much as soon as he dropped me off at school) The last call made on his phone was at 10:10 and it was to customers who owed him over 50,000 dollars. Someone found him around lunchtime, he had used a hose and done the carbon monoxide thing.

Needless to say my perfect life was turned upside down. At first, it was like I was watching it on TV, because it happened exactly the way you see it on there. I couldn't believe that my father, the deacon, the sunday school teacher, the man who taught me about my Lord, was gone. When reality set in, I am ashamed to say that I enjoyed the attention. I know that is horrible. However, by now, most is forgotten, even though It has only been two months. It's not that I wanted attention, it's that I wanted some one to cry with, and open up to, and to this day I don't feel I can do this with my sister or mother. In a way, I am glad that he was not sick, and that the memories I have of him are all of a strong, sweet, loving man whom I cared for very much. I still have a strong desire to talk to someone, for now this board has helped. I know the time will come when I will have someone to talk to, and maybe even I can sypathize with someone who has gone through the same thing. Thanks for listening, and please email me or respond

Posts: 81 | From: Jacksonville, FL. 32218 | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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