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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » childhood "nightmares"

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Author Topic: childhood "nightmares"
Member # 1764

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Please read this:

I just wanted to share with you my experiences that changed me forever and made the person i am.
When I was in thrid grade a few boys on the bus would always hit me on my butt when i walked by and laugh about it. I know this may sound dumb but being nine years old this was a big deal. These two boys woud always say extremly rude things to me about my nine year old body, this was the 1st time I remeber feeling dirty.
Over the years there were countless times when I was sexually harassed. Boys would call me on the phone and tell me dirty jokes when i was in the 6th grade. I never told any teachers or my parents because i felt like I was responsible for the way I was being treated.
One time when i went with my friend to Nags head I was molested by her 24 year old uncle
In seventh grade I began to mess around a lot and got a reputaion for being a "hoe" and it still exists to this day. At that point I felt like since i had always been talked down to, that it was ok for guys to use me and I that I was 'suppoesed' to let them do these things.
I went through depression, atttempted suicide, low self esteem, eating disorders, and self mutilation. I think it rooted from my childhood. Is this possible? How can i cure my on going depression??

Posts: 47 | From: BFE | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1071

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YES YES YES. its very possible. and its good that you feel you need help. first thinkgs first~tell someone other than us. a teacher, friend, or even your PARENTS are a good place to go. just talk to someone you trust, and tell them everything you told us. the only way this will get better is if you tell someone.

u arent worthless if you can make someone laugh
there is a difference between being stupid and being ditzy. i ought to know

Posts: 615 | From: New York | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 1207

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Whoa horsey ... so you're saying no one knows?

First of all ... i compeltely agree w/ Pink. You *need* to tell this to someone, as soon as you can. I know the idea of telling someone this is going to scare the h*** out of you, but it's ok to be scared sometimes. Whoever you tell can help you along the way ... whether that is getting you therapy, telling your parents together or whatever you decide to do.

Okiez, i'm in the same boat you are ... really. I was molested by my ex bf last summer (July 3rd '99 ... i remember the date) and i didn't tell anyone until a month after it happened. I was always very open w/ everyone until that point. I told my sister first, and she didn't say a word to anyone ... then i told my boyfriend at the time, and he told me that if i didn't tell my mom, that he would. And honestly, he is the reason i'm still alive. I tried to kill myself a few wks after it all got out in the open and i was hospitalized w/ clinical depression in April of this year.

Do you see a pattern here sweetie?

What i'm trying to say is ... *YES* what happens to you when you're little can stay w/ you for the rest of your life. And chances are, it will. I have a great boyfriend right now, but everytime he touches me sexually, it gives me the creeps and makes me want to physically hurt him. But i haven't been in therapy for this ... I'm trying to get all my gumption (sp?) in one pile so i can go "get better" because i don't want to do this anymore. I love my boyfriend too much to let something like this get in the way of things ...

My advice ... sleep on it. Only you know what is best for you, but i thought i'd share my experience w/ you, so you'd know that you're not alone. What happens to you as a kid can stay w/ you, and you'll always be angry at people who have "done" this to you. But do you think they're thinking of it now? Do you honestly think they "deserve" to have the power they do now ... over you ... because of how you're feeling now. And i'm in no way blaming you, because it's not your fault ... Just the same way as it's not mine or anyone else who has been in this position.

I wish you the best of luck hun ... I know how much you're hurting and i only hope you have the guts to do something about it. So many people like this either don't know what to do, or they just don't believe they can. Writing to us here was a big start ... now take the next step. We're all here for you

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1764

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Well I read your advice and Im not sure what Im going to do about it. I feel like for a long time that Ive had this problem with me, something that made me different but i didnt; know what it was. I think this is what it is though. I prefer to handle things myself and it just seems like it would be so old to bring this all up now to anyone, I don't want to sound like I just want to milk people for attention, ya know? Is there anythign I can do for myself that could help without bringing other people in the picture? i mean I have never told anyone about this and its not soemthign I think about a lot, its in the back of my mind always though, thank you for listening to my problem.
Posts: 47 | From: BFE | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1764

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Sometimes its like when i look back on it all I see why I am like this, but it took a lot of thinking to actually identify the problem
Posts: 47 | From: BFE | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1168

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You have to talk to someone about this. I know that it may be hard but there's a cleansing element that comes from telling another about it.

Maybe it would be easier for you to talk to a stranger about it, then you wouldn't feel that it was changing the way they saw you. Psychiatrists and other health professionals are confidential. You could talk to them and they would not tell anyone. Make an appointment even with your ordinary doctor if you wanted to, but you need to tell someone. It's a big step that you even told us (albeit we are anonymous strangers) but it shows you have the courage to show your pain. Good luck, I know I'm hoping that you can find the help you need.

Posts: 303 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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