Whoa horsey ... so you're saying no one knows?
First of all ... i compeltely agree w/ Pink. You *need* to tell this to someone, as soon as you can. I know the idea of telling someone this is going to scare the h*** out of you, but it's ok to be scared sometimes. Whoever you tell can help you along the way ... whether that is getting you therapy, telling your parents together or whatever you decide to do.
Okiez, i'm in the same boat you are ... really. I was molested by my ex bf last summer (July 3rd '99 ... i remember the date) and i didn't tell anyone until a month after it happened. I was always very open w/ everyone until that point. I told my sister first, and she didn't say a word to anyone ... then i told my boyfriend at the time, and he told me that if i didn't tell my mom, that he would. And honestly, he is the reason i'm still alive. I tried to kill myself a few wks after it all got out in the open and i was hospitalized w/ clinical depression in April of this year.
Do you see a pattern here sweetie?
What i'm trying to say is ... *YES* what happens to you when you're little can stay w/ you for the rest of your life. And chances are, it will. I have a great boyfriend right now, but everytime he touches me sexually, it gives me the creeps and makes me want to physically hurt him. But i haven't been in therapy for this ... I'm trying to get all my gumption (sp?) in one pile so i can go "get better" because i don't want to do this anymore. I love my boyfriend too much to let something like this get in the way of things ...
My advice ... sleep on it. Only you know what is best for you, but i thought i'd share my experience w/ you, so you'd know that you're not alone. What happens to you as a kid can stay w/ you, and you'll always be angry at people who have "done" this to you. But do you think they're thinking of it now? Do you honestly think they "deserve" to have the power they do now ... over you ... because of how you're feeling now. And i'm in no way blaming you, because it's not your fault ... Just the same way as it's not mine or anyone else who has been in this position.
I wish you the best of luck hun ... I know how much you're hurting and i only hope you have the guts to do something about it. So many people like this either don't know what to do, or they just don't believe they can. Writing to us here was a big start ... now take the next step. We're all here for you