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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Cutting (self-injury, SI, self-mutilation, slashing, et cet) (Page 3)

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Author Topic: Cutting (self-injury, SI, self-mutilation, slashing, et cet)
DeerDancedNeedles
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I've done it again. My counsellor said she's gonna come get me from classes about once a week to talk, but she does that talking. I answer her questions as shorrtly as I can.
My head is always screaming at me, saying let me go, flick off, I hate you all
stuff like that. And my dad does nothing to help it...he knows I cut and he still treats me like something smelly, dirt on the ground or something. I cut myself again today, and its enticing, the blood...the way it just appears, and i don't notice the pain. the blood makes the pain, internal and external, go away.
I need help, but how can I get it if I can't talk about it?
~Lizzie

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Lady Moonlight
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quote:
Originally posted by DeerDancedNeedles:
I need help, but how can I get it if I can't talk about it?

That's the million-dollar question, isn't it?

Maybe the counselor is talking just to fill the silence because you aren't. Have you tried answering her questions in more than monosyllables? Or telling her that YOU want to talk, for once? Or maybe putting your feelings in a letter for her to read? Even if you just want to talk about how much you hate counseling and why, at least that's a place to start.

As for the way you feel your dad treats you, sounds like you all could probably use a "systems therapy" approach, which believes that everybody is part of a system of family and friends, and you can't just treat the individual, you have to treat the system. For the moment, though, the best advice I can offer is for you to keep telling yourself that you are worthwhile, no matter what he says or does.

You have a choice in everything you do, remember that. You may not always be able to control how you feel, but you can control how you act on those feelings. That makes you a very powerful person, so use that power to take care of yourself and those around you.


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PoetgirlNY
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I haven't posted in this thread in a little while, with fairly good reason. I stopped cutting, and stopped wanting to read about it. But I'm just dropping in to offer a little encouragement.

I started cutting in August of 2000, and didn't stop until May of 2001. I felt like I would never stop. I was deeply depressed, and felt a little crazy. But I did it. So it is possible to get past this. I haven't cut in nearly a year, and it's not longer a struggle not to do so. So hang in there, and keep trying, because it is possible to stop.

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"I'll be a Venus on a chocolate clamshell rising on a sea of marshmallow foam."
-Hedwig


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badly_behaved_badger
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I don't even know how to talk about this. I started cutting myself about 6 months ago and I have only recently stopped. I should try and explain why, but there are so many little things that have added up until I feel out of control. First of all I have been to 8 schools, so I don't think that really helped me to feel like I fitted in anywhere. The first real friend I got died in a fire when I was 6 and everyone pretended it had never even happened. I just keep on moving schools, getting bullied for being myself and then moving again. I feel really invisible, thats the only way I can describe it, sometimes I have to see if I can still feel anything because no one else seems to notice I'm alive. Please, anyone who cuts themselves, there is a problem and you need to talk to someone. That's the only way I have managed to stop cutting myself.
*lotsa hugs from da bajjah*

[This message has been edited by badly_behaved_badger (edited 04-11-2002).]


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Pumpkin_Pie
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I don't cut myself. I hit myself. All the time. When I'm upset, or angry, I just get something(I have a lot of sports stuff like baseball bats and hurleys and stuff lying around, or even a hairbrush) and just hit my legs and sometimes I punch myself in the face. I have some bruises, but I get away with it because I play sport and get bruises from that anyway. I know I should stop, but sometims I just think I'm going to explode. I think about killing myself, and unless I hurt myself slightly I thihnk I might kill myself totally. You know? I've tried to hit a pillow or a cushion or something. But I can't. I'm trying to use my dog as therapy now. I've decided that whenver I get annoyed or upset or angry I'm going to groom her or walk her. I even got a new brush for her and everything. And if it doesn't work, I'll try something else. I've been doing this for a long time and its about time I stop right?
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Hi-C
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My mom found out, she is having me commited. This is not good, I don't think I have posted before, but I have been cutting since I was nine. My mother found out and now she is blaming my best friend, the one person that is helping me. Then today she informed me that she is having me commited and that the papers are already out. I don't know what to do.
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PoetgirlNY
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Oy! I'm so sorry to hear that Hi-C. I was in a mental hospital for three weeks, and it was utter hell. But you can survive. Really, just remember that you are in charge of yourself, and that you don't have to believe people who tell you that you are sick if you don't want to believe them. If you can, let yourself take advantage of your surroundings. Need a vacation? You'll get plenty of time to sleep. Are you an artist? Draw whatever is around you. Are you a writer? Keep a journal, and write about the people and situation there.

Don't bother trying to argue with anyone there. Blend in, do as you are told, and keep your objections to yourself. Above all, don't bother spending your time trying to make being there okay, just put your energy into convincing them to let you out.

That's all the advice I have right now. If you have e-mail access in the hospital (you may or may not), try to keep us posted, okay?

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You were never no locomotive, Sunflower, you were a sunflower!
-Allen Ginsberg


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Moth
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I'm not a cutter, but I pick. I started with eyelashes, then when I got sick of having no eyelashes I tried to stop, but it spread to other hair (I get bald patches), and when I tried to stop that, it spread to skin. I tried to talk about it with my mom, bringing it up through self-mutilation, but she started talking about how sick it was, so I stopped (the same kinda thing happened with my bisexuality, and me being sexually active . . . I really care for my mother, but sometimes she isn't very good at listening nonjudgmentally). So the only person who really knows the extent of it is my beloved boyfriend. Somehow, though, I don't get triggered nearly as much at all when I'm with him- he soothes me quite dramatically. When I do start while I'm with him, he holds my hands until I'm calm, and the urge is gone. My best friend, who knows part of it, just thwaps me, in an affectionate way. <g>

Anyway, I hope to find a therapist at my college as soon as I turn 18 (in about a month).


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Angellic
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quote:
Originally posted by moonbeam:
Hi just wondering why do you guys do it? is it to show how hurt you r inside ? I have a friend who does it when hes upset or guilty and just wondering why? no offence just curious if you actually know.
I do it very rarely but i do it b/c nothing goes my way and it makes me focus on other things besides my problems. The pain is a way of not caring, not to show that I'm hurting, to hide it from myself.


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news_bunny98
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hey im only like 14 but ive just started cutting myself with stuff like razors pins staples etc. ive been pretty depressed lately but ive been getting better since i started cutting myself. is this how u guys all started? also my parents wouldnt take this very well cos their like totually against drugs, suicide all that stuff. what should i do with them?

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Undercover Cinderella
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I started cutting about 3 weeks ago. I was incredably stressed and I needed some way to let it all out and thats how I ended up doing it. I usually cut my hip because nobody sees it. It seems to make me feel better though I know I shouldn't be doing it and i have to stop.
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Jenni
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I've dabbled in actually cutting myself a LITTLE. What I find interesting is that when I was in grade school, I would bite my hand extremely hard whenever I was angry or very very upset. I did this until about a year or two ago. I also used to dig my nails into whatever part of me I felt like. Both caused bruising.

I had a troubling grade school experience, so I guess I'm not surprised. What intrigues me is that I haven't really ever heard about anyone actually biting themselves. I guess it's just me.

------------------
If you want to dip into someone else's life for a while then go here


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Mary
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I am happy to announce that I have passed the one year mark!!! Last year on July 4th was the last time I cut myself; I've been "clean" every since! It seems like so long ago... I can't see myself ever cutting in the future; I'm going to do my best not to. I just thought I'd share the good news with all of you. And I hope that a year from now, some of you will be in the same place I am in now
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PoetgirlNY
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Congratulations Mary!!!!! It's been about a year and three months for me, and it's a really good feeling

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You were never no locomotive, Sunflower, you were a sunflower!
-Allen Ginsberg


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amelia0
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Cutting myself was once how i survived, now i can't do it although i still have little sharp things hidden away incase things go wrong and i can't cope!

What bugs me is people who cut and then decide to show off their scars! I haven't worn short sleeves or shorts for about three years now, i don't know maybe cutting for some people is a cry for help for me it was an escape from what i was feeling inside except it just made me sink deeper inside my mind.

Basically I started cutting because i felt trapped in my life, it was like i was surrounded by thorns/glass and no matter which way i moved or went i was going to get hurt, so to overcome the emotional torment i was going through i cut that way whatever was thrown at me in life I could overcome because i had the scars to prove that i was strong.

I felt like a freak though but am glad to say I haven't properly cut for the last five months! And I couldn't bear to, its weird though I am scared of doing it again in case it hurts!

Amelia.x.

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intellectuality means nothing when you live to die.


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angelicmadrigal
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hmmm..cutting..self mutilation... I had a phase of that when I was in junior high. I did it for a much different reason than most of you. I did it for the sole purpose of creeping some people out, and showing other people how tough I was. I used to cut designs into the top of my hand with scissors, and pocket knives. I also used to draw on my skin with needles.

Unlike what I see most of you posting I never got an physical/emotional pleasure out of the act of cutting. I got pleasure out of the response I got from other people. I liked making other people cringe at the sight of blood.

I also cut my sophmore year of college. Again for unusual reasons. I also used something out of a biology dissection kit, it wasn't terribly sanitary and was sort of dull. I did that out of boredom. It was when I almost died because of a sucide attempt, when I was in this surreal daze-like haze. I set to carving lines on my wrist, just for something to do. It was really surreal. I still have the scars. It's kind of funny, everytime I look at them it reminds me of odd things. Like the ghosts in he old house, the green couch I was sleeping on that day before I got rushed to the ER, a mouse, the smell of bleach.

I also do it because I like the taste of blood, honestly. When I would draw blood I'd lick it off. I would NEVER ever cut someone else, or hurt someone else to do this, but if I'm bleeding, it's slurpy time. That may sound really fake/ or creepy to some of you, but I assure you it's true and there is nothing wrong with ingesting small quantities of blood.

Anyway, my point was originally to ask if there was something wrong with cutting? I guess I'm of the oppinon of as long as you are safe about it ( not cutting too far, using sterilized instruments, taking care of the cuts afterwards) what's the big deal? Why feel guilty or weird about it?

[This message has been edited by angelicmadrigal (edited 07-19-2002).]


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McKinley12
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I am embarassed to say this but i have been a cutter now for over 2 years. I dont know why i do it i just need the pain. I dont know how else to handle the stress that i have in my life. I had to stop cutting my wrists thoug because my mother found out and got really upset, so now i just stick to my thighs, arms, stomach wherever i can do it without it being found. I live a very secluded life because of this. I use razors, knifes, I even go out to stores and buy these things just for the purpose of cutting myself. I am just so alone and have no other outlet. I have abandoned all of my friends and have no real family life. So I sit at home at night and cut until i feel better or at least not suicidal which i am most of the time but do not have the guts to do it. I just wanted to vent so thanks for listening.
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kythryne
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Bumping back to the top.

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Kythryne Aisling
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Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and go well with ketchup.


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Sticky_60
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i am a frequent ..cutter for about 8 years...knives...razors...glass..anything..ive even done like someone else has said...pouring alcohol into the wound...i have the problem of lymes disease...it is a disease that causes imense pain all over...passing out...memory loss and much much more (too many to explain) the disease is transmitted from a tick bite..and i often cut my self (maybe twice a day) to hopefully hit an artary..or however you freaking spell it...i also have lagged behind in school about 3 grades because this disease...i have no friends...parents seem to hate me all the time...i feel alone in this world of torment and suffering....i dont think anyone can relate to a simaler situation...but if you can...please...i beg you please..reply...i need some support or im going to give up...
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Tamar16
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I don't know if anyone still reads the cutting posts, but here goes...

I do not cut, I am a picker, I think, I get those obsesively high moods when I go into the bathroom with a tweezers and just pick everything that doesn't look right Ususally it's hairs (not in normal places, I pick bikini lines and underarms) sometimes its an occasional blackhead.

I don't think that my picking is doing anyone (including myself) any harm, I don't do it for depression release purposes and I try not to leave marks (although my attempts have not been too rewarding).

My problem is a new facsination with cutting. I have huge mood swings between annoyingly, euphorically happy and almost suicidal. I am always tempted to cut myself whenever I go into the bathroom and see my razors. I haven't yet, and, having read up on it, I am not quite sure whether it will be worth it. I have an almost craving-like attitude towards cutting and I have fantasies where I am alone, miserable but giddy, just slashing up myself. I don't know when I'll get enough courage to start, I'm almost hoping that I will.

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Life hurts


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unicorn
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Here's my story. I got really depressed for a while and tried to slit my wrists. I didn't cut deep enough. The cut and the blood made me feel better. It was like there was a release and everything felt better. I cut for a few months and stopped about a month ago and just started again a few days ago. When I get overwhelmed with emotion the cutting makes things feel better. Although sometimes I notice that I still want to cut even though I'm not overwhlemed. Well, that's my story. I have told 1 person that I cut, and they don't like it. I haven't seen anyone either, have been kindof embrassed.
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Renae
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I guess it all started when I was little. I've always been some sort of a mental case, except until a few years ago I just thought I was a freak. I was ten I found out I was depressed and Borderline. Which only helped me explain away my problems to myself now that I'm older. When I was little I had a distorted sence of pain, in otherwords, I didn't understand that IT'S NOT OK FOR PEOPLE TO CAUSE OTHER PEOPLE PAIN, and that played a part in the fact that I veiw my young childhood as a failure. So when I started to hit my legs when I was on depression and ADD medicine (I don't even have ADD) it really was no surprise to me. Except then I had my first true best friend, and it was thenI realized "Hey! This isn't normal" So until about twelve months ago I dealt with my depression and other problems through my anger and agression (though never physically harming anyone other than myself). But then I found a new technique of getting things out of my system, and then I hit the darkest most depressing time in my life. For seven/eight(ish) months I cut myself and with all my other history it made for a pretty miserable time.
But then you know what turned my life around for the past five months? Camp. I got my parents to send me to a summer camp. And I got a such a great positive outlook on life at that camp. And I'm not really sure how either.
Today marks five months to the day since I last cut myself. And I have to say, positive outlooks fade, because I'm not feeling quite altogether with it lately.

well. that's my story.


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starchic1187
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I am currently in 9th grade and like most of the other replies I started cutting in 6th grade, which i very young. I didn't know at the time how bad this was to do to yourself or what it could do to you. In 7th grade I found out my best friend had be cutting after I had stopped for a while, and everything was going good. I tried to help my friend bt became depressed along with her and started cutting again. 8th grade was the same cutting when i got depressed of failed a test and it got really bad for a while. I never told anyone because I did not think it was important enough. I started wearing all long sleeves and pants all the time. My other friends and teachers started suspecting something but the mainly let it go. I have only done it once this year and I am very proud. I hope everyone else who posts here as the chance to help themselves out of this position. I am glad there is a group where this issue can be talked about, and I am glad to express my feelings to everyone.
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Tamar16
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I did it. Three times. It feels good and I get a sense of release afterwards. I wanted to tell my friends at first, but then I saw another girl who does it and brags about it and it made me sick, so now I don't think I'll say anything. My friends who know what I've done so far are making me tell my parents before Tuesday. If anyone sees this, and has told their parents about their cutting, could you give me some advice?

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Life hurts


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LilBlueSmurf
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I remember when i told my mom. I remember telling her that i had been cutting myself, and then eventually, that i'd had thoughts of suicide. And then i spent 10 days in the hospital.

It's very important for you to tell someone. Ideally, that would be your parents, because they would know you better than anyone else ... If that isn't the case for you, you can find a close friend or a teacher that you can confide in. I was in a tough spot a few weeks ago, and worked up enough courage to talk to a teacher ... and i can't believe how much it helped me. And boy did it take courage, but i had my best friend by my side and she, along w/ my teacher, helped me through it.

So please ... Talk to somebody. They can't help you if you do'nt let them know there's a problem.


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Tamar16
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My parents will help, and I want to tell them, it's just the actual action of going "hey mom, I feel like dying." They'll freak out, support me, but blame themselves anyway. What is the best way to start that conversation.
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Angel07
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hey. ive been really weird lately (in MY opinion) because ill be so depressed and i feel like im falling further and further into it, and i dont cut, but if you put your fingers in wax and pour it on your hands, is that like cutting, just not as bad?? like when your burning a candle and you just pour the melted wax out on your hand and stuff. is it bad? or is it just something thats like, the not very bad version of cutting?(i dont know how to put that.) it doesnt really hurt me, i guess people think different things hurt, it just, i dunno, feels good because it assures me im alive still. i dont do it alot but ive done it several times. i was just wondering...
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logic_grrl
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quote:
if you put your fingers in wax and pour it on your hands, is that like cutting

That really depends what it means to you. Some people don't find the sensation of hot wax on skin at all painful, and may find it pleasurable - just a nice sensation like a very hot bath (different sorts of candles also produce wax of very different temperatures).

On the other hand, if you're deliberately causing yourself pain, burning your skin, doing it to punish yourself, or something like that, then that would be like cutting in some ways.

quote:
is it bad? or is it just something thats like, the not very bad version of cutting?

Really, there's no fixed scale of "badness" .

If you're physically hurting yourself because you're in emotional pain and unhappy, it doesn't really matter whether it's by cutting or burning yourself or anything else. What matters is getting support and help.

It doesn't make you a "bad" person - and equally, you don't have to get to a certain level of "badness" to deserve help.


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oohlala34
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I haven't cut since I was in kindergarden.I used a needle to jab into my arm...and I liked it, but I didn't know why.I've stopped now.
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Moo
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I haven't read through the whole thread yet, so sorry if someone has already posted something similar to this.
I think that somewhere on the first page, someone mentioned a TV show having an episode about a girl who cut. I was going to quote the post, but I'm having trouble finding it now. I'd be interested in seeing this because I remember watching something about a girl that cut.
A year or two ago (before I even really knew what cutting was), I was flipping through the channels, and stopped on a station. I watched for a while, and I remember the girl (I think she had kind of long, dark brown or black hair) went into a bathroom and was looking for something to cut with. The razors and things like that had been hidden. I don't actually remember a part of it where someone had hidden them, but I remember she couldn't find anything to cut with, and that pops into my mind for some reason. She found a small mirror, and tried to break it.
That's all I remember of it. =\ Maybe this is the same thing someone mentioned earlier? I got bored with it after that and went looking for something else to watch... I don't even know whether it was a movie or a TV show. I have no clue at all. But I'd be interested in seeing it again for some reason. Anyone know?
I'll post my experiences with cutting in another reply.

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Tamar16
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My friends called my mom and told her that I was hurting myself. My mom asked me what was going on--I told her, she started laughing. She said that she'd call a counselor. She also made mr promise not to do it again. That was three weeks ago, a counselor has never been called--my friends told me to remind her, which I did, and she still did nothing. After that conversation I've had two other sessions of cutting--I figure that if she's not honoring her word, why should I honor mine. I hate that she doesn't think anything of it, but at the same time I hate that my friends are making such a big deal out of it. My boyfriend, it seems, has been making little attempt to see me and would rather be hanging out with his friends who are more "normal." He said he'd come over today, but then decided to go to a friend's party. I have a huge project due Tuesday, which I've barely started and everything is ten times harder and heavier. I wish to stop feeling so damn sad and that for one minute I could stop hating myself and everything that I do. Sorry if I brought anyone down.
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mysecretsaresafe
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Member # 12670

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i dont really cut, but i do various other self-mutilating things..thats an awful word tho...it started a few months ago maybe...i dont know why...i was a chicken about it at first, id just start scratching something into my arm with a pin..but after 1 or 2 letters, i was in so much pain, id stop/...then i quit for a while..and now iv started again...i scratched a bunch of stuff into my arm and it healed, then i did it again, i put the word FIRE (im kinda pyro) really deep..deepest ever..it almost bled...well.iv got a few really close friends, who i tell everything..and they dont like it at all, so they got me to stop..and i was doing really well for a couple weeks..tho i kept having MAJOR urges to do it some more..then today, I picked up a sewing needle that was sitting onmy keyboard tray and just started sticking it into my hand, b4 i even knew wha i was doing
then i got sum thread and stitched some designs into my hand its been kind of a rough week...my boyfriend cheated on my and got a girl pregnant, but he still wants to stay with me, so ive been warring myself over it for days...maybe its the stress? but i NEED to stop doing it..and i know that...cuz if my mom knew, she'd kill me...i need to stop..help...please...

Posts: 3 | From: calgary, ab, canada | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
celery
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Member # 5594

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I used to cut. I cut all down the underside of my forearm, and all on my thighs.

My parents saw my arm one day and decided to get me a counsellor. I went for a while and it kind of helped I guess. I've only cut once since then. To stop myself from cutting I just sit down, take deep breaths and think about why I shouldn't cut.

The one thing I don't like is when people see my scars, because I don't want people thinking that I do it for attention, or that I'm crazy or something. Plus I know it's bad to do it, so I've been trying really hard not to cut.


Posts: 1000 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hellothere
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hey, sorry for bringing up an old post. but i'm lauren, and i'm a cutter. wow, it feels weird saying that.

i was one of those kids who liked picking at their scabs, but i was actually kind of a baby when it came to me getting hurt. i fell down and skinned my knee during marching band once, and later when my dad put hydrogen peroxide on it, i screamed like hell and started to cry. but last year, i started scratching the back of my hand to draw blood. and my friend and i would play jan-ken-pon (basically rock-paper-scissors), where the winner would slap the other person's arm. it sounds kind of sick, but it fascinated me to see how red the skin on my arm could get, how much pain i could take. i don't know.

when my boyfriend saw the scabs on my hand, he made me promise never to do it again. his previous two girlfriends had been cutters, and i guess i felt like he couldn't handle another one before he eventually started hurting himself. so i stopped. no scratching, no nothing, because it would kill me to know that i'd hurt my boyfriend like that.

we broke up a few weeks ago, and i thought i'd been handling it okay. but it sucks to see him hanging out with all these girls and know that he's moving on and fine with everything. one night, i was in the bathroom and i spotted my razor, and i knew that it really wasn't the best way of coping with things, but it was all i had. so i cut myself. yeah. i don't think it was for attention, because i didn't want anyone to know. my best friend asked about the three neat scratches on my forearm (i have a Venus, you know, the one with the three blades), and i mumbled something about my cat. whenever my ex-boyfriend talked to me, i covered the scars with my other hand.

well, it's 1:12 in the morning, and seeing as you know my entire life story by now, i guess i'd better head off to bed. sorry this is so long.


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Doe_Eyes
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Member # 12916

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Hi Guys...Im Bea and I have an S.I. problem. It started last year when my boyfriends mom beat him up over me. I felt guilty and depressed. The next day he missed his bus and the guidence counselor told his mom sehe suspected the reason was we were sleeping together somewhere.I found out and got very angry I had to talk to her. I fhis mom beat him up over him telling her he loved me I coudn't imagine what would happen to him if that got back to her. We hadn't slept together and it ruined my reputation.I hadn't missed my bus...small town minds I guess. It went on and in third block I had had it with the school so I popped out a wire from a mechanical pencil and began stabbing and tearing at my skin. Then my best friend flipped a pencil sharpener at me and i proceeded to pop the razor out and tear at my left fore arm. I was in the front row in class...the teacher even got me a paper towel to get up the blood.No one even cared...I sure didn't. Then upon changing classes Adam, my boyfriend saw me trying to conceal my arm he pulled my sleeve up and saw the blood...he went balistic. He told the consuler and she drug me out of my last block. I went to the nurse and they threw (literally) alcahol on me while i stood over a trash can.I was humiliated.A week later i was sent to Missouri to live with my brother I was on the verge of a breakdown.I still cut and no one in my family cares really. They laugh at my arm cut. Some are deep to where they will never go away. Im tired and I feel asif I want to die sometimes.
Posts: 10 | From: South Carolina, United States | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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