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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Cutting (self-injury, SI, self-mutilation, slashing, et cet) (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Cutting (self-injury, SI, self-mutilation, slashing, et cet)
DigitalSky
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Well, it's been about a week since I've cut myself. That may not seem like much, but for a while I was cutting nearly every single day. I wish I could say this recent improvement was because of some fantastic strength or willpower of mine, but the reality is, I just haven't felt the need to. I suppose this is a good thing, but doesn't that just mean that it could return at any time? Bleh.

When this first began, nobody noticed the marks on my arm. Now everybody seems to be noticing, creating some awkward, though sometimes interesting situations. Somebody in my figure drawing class asked me if I got attacked by a cat. hee hee.

Hm, you know, I think the very worst part of cutting yourself is the healing. IT ITCHES!! ARRGH!!

------------------
"This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time."


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bettie
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Hollie, I really appreciated reading about your way of dealing with your desire to cut.

With obsessive compulsive behaviour it can be very useful to put the desire aside and do something else. It takes work and time but is a good behavioural method to get cutting and other OCD behaviours under control.

In my case I am picker and when I feel a need to pick I remove myself form the situation. Going outside is good because I do not pick in public. Typing or designing on the computer can be useful as well because I keep my hands busy. I am not a cutter so giving myself a pedicure or manicure is a good activity to keep myself from picking. This would not work for people who pick at their hands or would use the instruments to cut themselves, but for a face and body picker like me it is good.

------------------
Louise Lalonde
-Scarleteen Sexpert & Volunteer du Jour

"Glad to have a friend like you,
And glad to just be me"
-Carol Hall


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LilBlueSmurf
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Thx Bettie

Actually, i think my cutting episodes started b/c of depression and eventually went to both depression and OCD. So now i have not only one hurdle to get over, but two. It's been a year and a half tho, so i must be doin' something right

DigitalSky ~
Congratulations! What may seem like a small accomplishment now will get bigger and bigger ... It's good that yo'ure not feeling the urge to cut. Review what yo'ure doing that puts you in a good mood and what gets you really really down. You can't avoid being "down", but you can find ways around it so you don't stay there forever.

As for the scratches/cuts ... Make sure you clean them well so they don't get infected. Using cottonballs and alcohol/peroxide will clean it up pretty good, and then putting some anti bacterial cream on it and maybe putting a bandaid over it if it's really bad should be enough.

Next time you feel the urge to cut, get an elastic band and put it around your wrist. Pull it a few times ... It hurts doesn't it? Yes, yes it does. It's hurting just enough to stop the cravings for pain (if that's why you do it, that is) but not causing any permanent damage. I'd rather have a red mark or even a bruise for a day or so than have scaring for the rest of my life ... wouldn't you?

------------------
--Hollie West
*~Scarleteen Advocate~*

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.


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PepperCat
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I am sad to say that not too long ago, I was so depressed that I decided to cut myself. This was not the first time either. My first time was quite some time ago in the fourth grade (about 7 years ago.) I had failed my math class and my Mom went off the hook on me, and said she was going to ground me forever and beat me to death, she never did, but I thought I was going to die, she then called me awful names, and said horrible things, so horrible I care not to share, however I found myself in the bathroom at midnight slicing my arms with a large cutting knife,I wasn't trying to kill myself, but more like make all the pain from my Mom go away, I lied the next day at school and said that I had fallen in track. My second time was a few summers ago, My friend and I had tryed some speed (I dont do drugs, I was just going trough a bad period.) and my then b/f Louie had decided to break up with me, because I refused to have sex with him, that's where the speed came into play, after the spped had warn off, I was going through the worst let down in my life, I broke my mirrior in my room and started cutting my leg, I almost bleed to death but a good friend of mine happened to stop me, my third and final time (when I hit rock bottom) was just a couple of months ago...I had found out my (now ex b/f) was cheating on me...with a man to make things worse. I took his carving knife and jabbed into my arm and twsted and cut and ripped my flesh,this time I wanted to die, when my b/f came home he found me on the floor passed out from the loss of blood, I got help that time, and I am glad I did b/c I can deal with life a litle easier now, I wish I had got help a lot sooner...b/c I know know that all my problems weren't worth the pain and permenant scars I have for the rest of my life. If your cuting your self or hurting yourself, please get help...it is worth it!
PepperCat

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QTIncomplete
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I'm 15 years old...and I'm a sophomore. I was in depression last year, during my freshmen year for 6 months. I pulled myself out during the summer. I just recently went back into depression. I've been cutting myself. I cut my arms with a knife, and I carve words into my legs... like right now, I have "J" for Jason, and I have the word "Die" and "hate". When people ask me why I do it, the only reason I can think is 'cuz for me to feel better, I have to take away my pain, and to take away my pain, I have to give myself pain in a different form. I think that its really dumb of me to be cutting myself. I'm ruining myself...the marks are all permanent now. Its very very addictive, and now that I've started, I can't stop.
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Sapphire85
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I just started scratching and biting myself a few weeks ago. It's been pretty tame, and I haven't drawn blood. Still, I'm a little freaked that I'll start really cutting, even though I know that deep down, that's what I'm actually working up too. The thing with biting is that it bruises. That's annoying. The scratches fade after a while. And I'm a swimmer, so there are very few places for me TO cut that won't be seen. I suppose I'm doing it as a way to deal with what I think is an ED. I don't want to tell my parents about my problems, and I can't afford a therapist on my $60 bi-weekly paycheck, so I guess cutiing and writing are going to be my healing. That's kind of sick when I think about it though.

------------------
"Do what you will, always..
Walk where you like, your steps...
Do as you please,
I'll back you up.." ~DMB


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cypress
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It took me three years to realise that skin picking which to me was just a habit and a part of my life was linked with depression. I can see now that I use it as a distraction from other aspects of my life. My motivation to stop is the desire to have better skin. I force myself to do something else to put it out of my mind.
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breakingarm
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i like to take a stratpen and poke it all the way in to my arm i like the feling of it going all the way in to my arm as poch it all the way in.
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live4travel
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I had no idea that picking was a form of self-mutilation besides the fact that my face looks all blochy and red afterwards. I've been doing it forever now...and I do it like almost all the time. I used to get SOOO down on myself b/c I was picking and I looked so bad and all of that.

Now I just try not to pick as much, it's really bad when I'm not using a mirror. For Some reason I just feel like I have to get EVERY pimple popped or atleast to get any puss or whatever it is out of my skin. I'm trying to do it less....but yeah...hopefully I'll grow out of it, and soon, cause I don't want a holy face, that would really bite :/

Oh yeah, I almost forgot..I started cutting last year and then after carving myself up..*my arms* I like drew a rose on one bicep and a heart with a knife goign through it. The heart said "Love?" So yeah, I guess you could say I was hurting. It had gotten worse over time until I went into the hospital.

It didn't get any better until I went to Church camp this last summer. I just stopped for a really long time. Then earlier this year I got hurt by a girl and I did it really bad but actually called my youth minister for help after I did it. *my first time using a knife* He had someone call my sister who sped over to my house crying her eyes out and that is basically my story. I don't do it any more, though I still think about it a lot whenever things start going wrong. I just push it back and think of how somebody would feel if I did it.

-Niceguy17

[This message has been edited by niceguy16 (edited 12-12-2001).]


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SRVGirl
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*Sorry this is so long.*
I was/am a cutter and I don't do it for attention, I don't do it so people will see it and ask about it or anything like that. I mainly did it after a big fight with my parents. It hurts me so much and makes me feel so down that I feel numb and cutting is a way that brings me back to how I feel. When I do it I cut the inside of my right ankle using a razor that you use to cut hair.( I used to be a cosmotology student) I told my mother once after we had a fight and showed her my scars because I know it isn't good and I was trying to fight the urge to do it. She listened to me and then looked a my ankle and ignored me she hasn't brought it up since. The only other person I I have told is my boyfriend of nine months. I told him pretty early in the relationship and he is really helping my through it. I havn't done after the last few fights and I am still fighting the thoughts. Thank you guys for making this thread it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one. And for those of you who are currently cutters fight the urge, find help, I support all of you.

Love and peace.


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LilBlueSmurf
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Telling people that you need help is the first step in getting better. Your boyfriend can be great support for you, but he's probably not a professional and hasn't gone through years of schooling to deal w/ this specific problem. Do you have a therapist? Would you be willing to talk to someone not close to you personally?

I do know what it's like to have to fight that urge. I did it last nite. My ways around it is usually to take a nap. Things are usually better when i wake up and i don't feel like harming myself anymore. It may not be the best solution, but if you can avoid that feeling for just 5 minutes, you'll often find that you no longer feel that way or the feeling is a bit weaker.

Feel free to find me on ICQ if you ever need to talk


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SRVGirl
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Thank you for the support LilBlueSmurf. I'll remember that next time I have a strong urge to cut. I am not seeing a therapist because I don't want to bring it up with my parents again (I guess they think I should be able to deal with it on my own) and I don't have the money right now. I used to go a while back before the cutting began so I have never really had a chance to hear the thoughts of a counsler on the matter. I am thinking about going to my school counsler after the holiday though.

------------------
Love and peace
"I was never truly insane, except on occasions when my heart was touched." Edgar Allen Poe.


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Clueless~Girl
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I used to cut, but I quit a little over a year ago. It was really hard to do and took a lot of dedication.

Anyway, the main reason I am posting this message is to let you all know of a page I made. It basically just explains self injury (in general, so it can be applied to cutting, burning, whatever). It lists some reasons people do it, etc. The reason I made it was to try to educate non-self injurers about the issue. Please check it out if you have a chance and e-mail me (my address is at the bottom of the page) if you have any questions, comments, or just want to say hi. Also, if any of you want to use it to try to explain self injury to someone else, please feel free to. The address of the page is http://www.geocities.com/i_swear_the_cat_did_it


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LilBlueSmurf
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No problem, SRV, that's what i'm here for

I think it would be very wise of you to seek the help of your school councelors. Having someone not emotionally involved w/ you helps b/c they have an objective perspective. As much as they try, someone close to you personally wouldn't be able to give you that.

Good luck!

------------------
*~*Smurfie*~*
Scarleteen Advocate

Words of Wisdom


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worriedkid
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i used to cut myself all the time with a swiss army knife. sometimes if i was sad, sometimes if i was happy. i just did it. then my best friend found out, and told me not to. so i dont anymore. it just felt good to do it though. but i can find other, more hygenic ways to be happy. i encourage others to do the same. i dont think its good karma to be addicted to anything.
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shootingstar
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I've always kind of scratched at myself when I felt very angry at myself for being such a complete dolt, but more recently I've been using other tools-pliars, pins, my swiss army knives...I'll just do something that makes me so mad at myself that I will attack myself with the nearest weapon. I haven't auctually been able to draw blood because I'm not sure how-I'm either afraid to press to hard or my knife is dull. The only thing is, it doesn't make me feel that much better. I still feel very angry at myself afterwards, and maybe it's cuz I'm not doing it enough to release the anger or something....
I honestly can't tell if I do it for attention or to pretend that I have problems or something...and that makes me even angrier at myself. I've told my best friend that I do it, and she wants me to get help. It's really not that big of a deal, and I don't think I need help.

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Deviant_Genes
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Hey... *gets into support-group mode* My name is Adrian, and I'm... I'm... I'm a cutter! *sob* I don't know how long I've been cutting. Pain has always helped, since I was a kid... it used to be something to take my mind of what was going on. I'd run a safety pin along my arm or something, dig my nails into my arm...

I didn't think I'd ever really have a problem with it. But with the gender and sexuality issues things started to build up... I think I cut first out of disgust. General disgust at everything that was going on, dysphoria. I hated the way my life was going, hated this body... cutting took away the tension. I'd cut, I'd done something, it was out, it was okay.

I'd scar my chest, what I wished I could cut off... when I wanted to hurt someone else, I'd turn it towards myself. Emotions were more than I could handle -- at least in the form of physical pain, I could control it. I could handle it. When the tension grew, I'd cut. Soon I couldn't stop...

I find myself doing that everywhere, all the time. I get stressed over an assignment or maybe feeling especially dysphoric that day, I'm digging my nails into my skin leaving blood or scratching myself with a safety pin and I don't notice. I've started burning, too.

One of my friends knows. My ex-girlfriend, the one who's been there through my gender identity / sexual orientation crisis, she knows, and she's tried to get me to stop... I want to stop. But I'm afraid that if I do... what will I do instead? Will it all just build until I end up hanging myself, slicing my throat in a desperate attempt to gain control once again?

Call me melodramatic, whatever. That's just my story... I've brought it down from once a day to once a week. But I know it's not good... and I don't know what to do...

------------------
<3 Luv <3
~*Everyone's favorite tranny-bi-guy*~
^_^ Adrian ^_^


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Dude_who_writes
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Shootingstar,

I have to say that your post rang off some alarm bells. It sounds as though you do have a very big problem, even though you're not ready to admit it yet. Cutting/harming yourself in the way that you do isn't a good idea. There are many ways that are better for dealing with agreession that causing physical harm to yourself, and won't lead to infection.

Right now, though, you need to deal with your cutting issue. Your best friend is genunienly concerned for your health and safety, and I would suggust that you let her help you find some kind of treatment for your problem.

I'd really like you to take the time to check out this site. It should offer your some support and information, and some numbers for some hotlines. Look them over with your friend, please? Or, by yourself if you perfer. Just take a look at the information, all right?

------------------
Tim
ST Advocate

"Read the Bible again sometime. Women are painted as bigger antagonists than the Egyptians and Romans combined. It stinks." --"Serendipity," Dogma

"...I want to walk through life rather than being dragged through it."
- Alanis Morissette


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PoohBear84
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I used to cut myself, i haven't done it much, only 2-3 times, and it's been recently. I don't like to cut myself, but at times i feel like it's the only way to make myself feel better.

I started when i made a new friend (who i'm not friends with anymore.) She was bi-poler, and cut herself. And i didn't notice until after that her cutting was just a plee for help, becuase she would wine an complain, and cry about it.

Only after i cut myself did i notice that her "cutting" was fake, and that when you cut yourself it releives tension, i like pain, but since i've only done it a few times, i stopped, and haven't done it again.

I get these urges to cut again... almost every day, on my wrists, where i cut the first time... they itch, and always bother me. And becuase of this i noticed that i like picking and scratching better.

Does anyone know of any way that you can help me with this? I really want to stop, and have the itching stop.

pooh


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Peregrine
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I'm a bit conflicted about posting here,
you see, I've had a problem with SI for a very long time now, starting with picking, and moving from there to cutting and sometimes scratching. I have mostly stopped, but I still occasionally "fall off the wagon" I would really love to be able to talk to other people who struggle with this issue, but I found that I had to stop reading the posts to this message board very quickly, as I found the descriptions of SI very triggering. Any suggestions about controlling this?

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rekling
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hey peregrine,
it's great to hear that you are glad to have stopped, and are actively preventing yourself from self-injuring, and that you recognize what triggers you. that's a really important part of stopping.
talking to other self-injurers can be really useful in overcoming self-injury. if i'm not mistaken, there may be some websties with bulletin boards or email lists that explicitly prohibit any description of self-injury.
most sites will also indicate which sections contain "triggering" material (for example, personal stories, descriptions of types of self-injury, and sometimes even pictures), and if you are already feeling like you might want to self-injure (it sounds like you are in touch with your feelings and desires, and can tell when something starts to trigger you, which is good), it might be good to avoid those sites at that time.
another important thing to do *before* you go on these sites is to make sure you are safe. safe can be not feeling like self injuring, having a plan about what you will do besides self-injuring if you do get triggered, and being in a safe place to do this. remember too, that it's always okay to leave a chat, mailing list, or website if you feel that it is making you want to self injure. the people there will understand, as it is something they have dealt with too.
one really great site about self-injury is secret shame (http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html)
some other pages that i know a little less about: http://gurlpages.com/grrrlyzine/cut.html http://www.smalltime.com/notvictims/cutting.html http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/Quad/2423/selfinjury.html http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/6446/index.html http://www.self-injury.net/ http://survive.org.uk/selfharm.html http://www.mirror-mirror.org/selfinj.htm http://www.oberlin.edu/%7Ecounsel/pages/SIV.html http://www.geocities.com/oharfang/ http://www.smalltime.com/notvictims/cutting.html

please, i don't know that much about all of those pages, so be careful and leave if you come across stuff that triggers you,okay, peregrine?

advocates, would it be okay to start a second, non-triggering self-injury thread (where any triggering messages would be deleted instantly!) to talk about other coping mechanisms, things that stress us out, etc, without talking about any actual self-injury? and to keep this thread open for people who are okay with potentially triggering material and who want or need to share their stories?

i hope this was helpful to you-- i think its really terrific that you are looking to keep yourself safe, and i hope you are able to do so!
-rek


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PoetgirlNY
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That sounds like a great idea rekling(which I am about to telly you in the IM we have going). I'll go ahead and start it.

------------------
"I'll be a Venus on a chocolate clamshell rising on a sea of marshmallow foam."
-Hedwig


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Lilfran14
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Ok well here it goes. Im not going to go on with my life story's about cutting cuz i have way to many. when i was younger i use to cut myself very often with razors and knifes, and i even carved things into my skin with safty pins like some people in here have. I do not do it anymore however,the last time would be before christmas because nothign was going my way, but the thing is my mom saw my cuts, she just told me not to do it again, she didnt even realyl care, i know my mom loves me but i just couldnt belive she said that, i was like wow i can do what i want to myself and she wont care. whoaa! But i have regreted doing it to myself just becaue everyone awlays ask me what is that from (pointing to my scars on my rist) and its just not worth it either guys!

~Katie Frances~


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IWannaBeAGwenABe
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Today I cut myself for the very first time. Ive thought about it alot. Thinking about trying to push down when I rund the razor blade across my wrist. So today I just did it. It concentrated my pain on something else. It was horrible after though. I went to a family party and I was constintly worrying about someone seeing it. I hate thinking about doing this again but I cant find anything else to help me deal with the pain I am having.
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kythryne
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What else have you tried to do to deal with the pain? There are lots of other things you can do besides cutting that might be helpful. A lot of people find writing in some fashion to be a really good way to work through pain. And therapy can be very helpful.

If you don't want to be cutting yourself, you might like to check out the non-triggering SI discussion we have going. I know there are a lot of really good suggestions for ways to cope in that topic. It's at http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum9/HTML/000361.html

Kyth

------------------
Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Advocate

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey


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IWannaBeAGwenABe
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I write in my journal whenever I can and it helps most of the time. Im on anti-depressants and I got to therapy everyother week. But when I am there I just feel like I am so pressured not to tell them about any suicidal thoughts or anything because, I dont know I'm just worried they'll put me in a home or something. And I would hate that. When I cut yesterday I just got this sense of power and control over my pain. Most of the time I feel like I am tied down in the darkest place in the world and I will never get free. I hate feeling that way. I dont know wether to tell my therapist or not. I am scared to.

Thank you for responding to me AI didnt think anyone was going to.


Posts: 18 | From: Tonawanda, NY | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kythryne
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Y'know, hon, in order for your therapist to be able to help you, s/he really needs to know as much as possible about what's going on in your head and in your life. If you're holding something back from your therapist, well, they can't possibly help you with that, because they don't know about it.

And usually, suicidal thoughts aren't enough for a therapist to decide to have a patient institutionalized. A lot of people have suicidal thoughts, particularly during their teen years, and it doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to kill yourself.

The more information you can give your therapist, the more effective the therapy process will be. It's a two-way process, hon, and while I know it can be very scary to dump everything out in front of someone you don't really know, it can really help to talk things out.

I hope this helps a bit, and please don't hesitate to post again if you need to talk about what's going on. I'm not a therapist (yet) but I am on here a lot, and I'll be glad to listen and offer what advice I can.

Kyth

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Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Advocate

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey


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AngelsDeserve2die
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I feel really stupid about my cutting. I'm not that great at keeping secrets from people at school. So, my teacher found out, and he said I need help....damn.
anyway...
I started cutting early december. I had back surgery and that topped off my dad always being really mean to me, calling me hurtful names, just saying mean stuff. I used to be really sporty, and now I can't dance anymore. My dream was to go on to Broadway.
Now its just to stop with the cutting. But I like to bleed. Its amazing, like, how can something that pretty, that pure be in ME? I'm anything buy pure.
I've typed my story to about everyone I know online, and it isn't doing any good...I think I lost my glass, though.
I started out with the sissors on a pocketknife, as the knife didn't cut at all. Then I moved on to butter knives, which progressed to kitchen knives. Then my friend said something about she used to cut with glass. She's be mad at me if she knew I started using glass yesterday after she said that. She says I need to stop...I know I do...but the glass barely hurts, and I don't like the pain. Just the blood....

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~Lizzie

'This is one of my own songs I wrote...alone, naked in the bathroom...God, with my fuckin guitar!'

~Chester Bennington of Linkin Park


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IWannaBeAGwenABe
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I told my therapist the other day I lied and sai I did nothing and @ the end I felt guilty and told her. I dont know if she can help. They are switching my medicine cuz they dont think its working. Its really frustrating because I dont think I am getting better. I dont know how to and it seriosuly killing me. I want to just be over everything but it is so impossible.

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~*~Beth~*~

"~*~When I need a place to get away, When I need a place to hide, That place just seems oh so far away, Couldn't get there if I tried. ~*~"


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Miller311
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i need help with something. Ive just found out one of my good friends has become a "cutter" and it really worries me. I want to do something to help her but theres a problem. I used to do it, and still have thoughts about it. So how can i possibly try to get her to stop when she knows im the same way? It just seems so wrong when i hear about other people doing, yet when it comes to me i look at it differantly. But what can i do in this situation?

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~~*Sara*~~

**RIP TEDDY**
I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!
1983-2001


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Lilfran14
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Miller,
I wish i could help you out here girl, but to be honest with you im in the same exact boat! I do it, my friends do it, but i wish they wouldnt, i also wish i would stop to, well if anyone has advice please help us!

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~*Katie Frances*~
"No i dont want to meet ur friends,
and i dont want to start over again
i just want my life to be the same just like it
use to be"

"In the land of the free, home of the brave, why is it that i still feel like a slave.?"


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unhappykoger
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well i messed up i cut again 2 days ago. my friend on the internet stopped me from doing it again. i am afraid that i am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Posts: 365 | From: dayton,ohio,u.s.a. | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
IWannaBeAGwenABe
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I think you need to tell those people that you care and that you are there for them. SO they dont have to turn to that. It would be nice to hear.
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glitter695
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Hey, IWANNABEAGWEN~ You seem to give good advice on situations like these. Have you ever thought about taking your own advice?

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
Bobaroony & Erica Bearica
<3 love forever!

Monk N Bear~ Best Friends Forever! ~Luv ya babe!

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

One ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Heather Corinna


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just*this*girl
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Sometimes I think that I have two very different sides of me. There is times when I am cutting and I think it is such a minor thing and that it is totally not a big deal. Like no one should worry about me because what I am doing is totally helping me. Its almost theraputic.

And then there is times where I cant believe what I just did. Like I am the stupidist person in the entire world. How could I do that to myself

I dont know if this is normal or not but most of the time I feel like I am totally insane.


Posts: 16 | From: Never Never Land | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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