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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Inner Hate

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Author Topic: Inner Hate
GothGirl
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Member # 793

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Has anyone here ever felt an inner hate for themselves? A feeling where you are worthless and there is nothing you can do in your life to make you feel like you are something. If you have vent here, you really are worth something.

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Do you think i'm a WHORE??? -KiTtIe

[This message has been edited by GothGirl (edited August 07, 2000).]


Posts: 23 | From: Scottsdale, Az, USA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ophelia
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yeah...thanks, i needed to vent somewhere. i have never felt like this before. i hate myself so much, and i wish that it would just go away so that i can go back to the way things used to be when i was happy and i could actually laugh. i hate being here, like this, i feel so useless, and i know that i have to do something about it... i'm just really scared to. and sometimes i don't even want to. i just...kinda want to die...one day, i promise myself i won't feel like this. i know that one day, i'll be healthy again.
Posts: 72 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sympathys_Sin
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I'd just like to say that you're absolutely right, I'm sure one day you will be ok. I know it sounds corny, but have faith.

I went through years of self-hate and depression, and this started when I was like 5, so there was no evidence that it was just a phase. But all that had to happen was for me to grow up, and learn things, and I became so great and important to the people around me, and I know people say you shouldnt base your self worth on what other people think of you, but how do you not consider it? If you are a good person, your time will come.

I recently went through very bad situations in my life... but I had faith that things will get better, and slowly they are starting to change into something better than I ever had before.

There's always hope


For anyone who might post here... don't hate yourself. Maybe it's nothing you can control, but I have learned that even people who seem so disgusting... deep down they are beautiful, just like me.

And remember... theres something pathetic about everyone, so dont let little problems convince you that you are worthless, because I know youre not. I'm not just saying this to be a good person... I KNOW you're not


Posts: 49 | From: MA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
GothGirl
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Ophelia

I went through the same feeling that you have gone through and are going through. And I know how hard it is but I have gotten through it. there is so much to live through, the sky might look black but there is blue there somewhere out there and it is BEAUTIFUL. And you are beautiful. When I was feeling that depressed I thought that I would never get through it, but I did. There are so many people that love you.


Posts: 23 | From: Scottsdale, Az, USA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
GothGirl
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The reason I posted this topic was not to maximise on the hate of yourself but to maximize on the beauty of everyone here. All of us ahve some beauty, some is on the inside and some is on the outside, maybe you just haven't found yours yet. If anyone needs help with anything just feel free to ask. Look on the mentor page for me and i'm there. LOVE KaTe
Posts: 23 | From: Scottsdale, Az, USA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ophelia
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you guys are great!
thanks so much. things are changing slowly. last night i was awake thinking and a surge of self-empowerment just came to me. but as i have said in another post, i think that i am manic depressive and i'm afraid that this is just another 'up'. but i am going to start seeking help. thanks for your support, you guys! and thanks Gothgirl, just for posting this thread.

Posts: 72 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
GothGirl
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Oh my god that felt so good to hear you say that you felt a surge of self empowerment. That just rocks, that is when i get "creative" (oh god) but seriously...if you really think you are bi-polar talk to someone, your mom, someone at school, because it is really serious. I am bi-polar (manic depressive) and i was so embarassed to talk to anyone but finally i got up enough courage to go and talk to my mom and surprisingly she was cool about it. People's reactions will surprise you, there is nothing to be ashamed of, but really do tell someone so that you can get on medication or therapy if that is what is needed.

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If you didn't care what happened to me, and i didn't care, for you, we would zig-zag our way through the boredom and pain occasionally glancing up through the rain wondering which of the brothers to blame and watching for pigs on the wing... PiNk FlOyD


Posts: 23 | From: Scottsdale, Az, USA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ophelia
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GothGirl:

how are you doing now, that you have gotten everything out? How have you been doing, if you don't mind me asking?

I really want to get this all out too, and i really want to tell my mom, but i actually wrote a post about it. i'm kinda scared to tell my mom. only cause she is so proud of me and everything that i do, and i don't want her to think...that i'm not the perfect little girl that she always knew. i know that she would help me and care, but...i don't know. i think that i want to go somewhere and talk to someone...see if there is someone who can diagnose me if i am, or tell me that i'm not. before i talk to my mom. but all the support that i am getting here, and from you too, is helping so much! thanks, again! i'll tell you how things go...
holly


Posts: 72 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
GothGirl
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Well I am doing alot better, maybe it was just a teenage thing or me or whatever but there was a time in my life where i felt pretty low. I am so glad to say that i am doing alot better now.

About what you were saying about going somewhere where you can get diagnosed or not. Wel i bet you can do that because there is confidential healthcare, by i am not sure if that is covered on psyc. Miz scarlet would probally know the answers to these questions.

But i really do strongly suggest going to a parent, i was my mommy's little girl, but you can't keep hiding from who you are, you are her daughter she will love you unconditionally that is what i learned from my mom.

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If you didn't care what happened to me, and i didn't care, for you, we would zig-zag our way through the boredom and pain occasionally glancing up through the rain wondering which of the brothers to blame and watching for pigs on the wing... PiNk FlOyD


Posts: 23 | From: Scottsdale, Az, USA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ophelia
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goth girl:
i'm so glad that you got over your sadness... it must have been hard. i know what you are saying about telling my mom is true. i have to. but i'm not sure, but i think that things are getting better. the suicide urges seem to be coming less, which is good. and just in gerneral, i'm feeling better...i think that i am just waiting. i'm waiting to see if i really need to tell my mom. if this is nothing (like i'd like to believe, but probably isn't true), then i have nothing to tell her. man, that would be awesome. it'll be hard, but just knowing that you went through something similar and are doing good now...well...it's kinda inspiring. i mean, that is all i want, to be back the way i was before...anything, just out of this state. and seeing you say that you are out of it yourself, just makes me want to leave it behind me...i know i will one day!

Posts: 72 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mophead
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I have to admit that the "self-loathing" thing comes to me pretty often. I can't understand why. I don't have body image problems, I write articles, I'm proactive and I volunteer. And, although this sounds elitist, I can probably name 10 people who I think I'm better than. *blush*

But at the same time, whenever I'm not doing work, I feel so worthless. Even when I'm working, I feel like I'm not working enough. It's almost like since everyone's been expecting me to be superwoman, I've taken on that role. And now I'm scared that I can't live up to it. Because I am human. But I'm scared to let anyone know.

Ophelia, I understand where you're coming from. But the way I know you, you're a wonderful person. It could be possible that you do have a mental illness. I've had my experiences with that, and let me tell you, it's better to sort it out sooner than later. Whether you need medicine or just counselling.

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MASTURBATING IS NOT A CRIME


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MidnightAngel
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Yes I do have an inner hatred for myself. I feel like it's wrong for me to cry or make a big deal out of my emotions. If I do anything like that I feel stupid and like I'm trying to be overdramatic when I really don't want to be. I hate myself when I even think about doing anything like that. It's even hard for me to write on here about this without feeling like a retard. And I always have and most likely always hate the way I look on the outside but that's even harder to change. I wish I could change but....*sigh* it's just not that easy.

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** Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you! **

[This message has been edited by MidnightAngel (edited August 16, 2000).]


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Ophelia
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Mophead and MidnightAngel: In a way, I'm glad that we are all going through something like this together.

Mophead: I'm so proud of you! I'd hate to tell you, but you ARE superwoman, even without trying. I'll never know how you do it, it's just a part of you! And we know that you are human too...well i do if it helps Don't worry, you're allowed to say...everyone can accept it, you are still the same amazing person!

MidnightAngel: I guess i just want you to know that it is okay to cry. I guess we come from different situations! i'm always crying...but sometimes it helps, so don't be scared to try. And by the way: even though i don't know you, don't try to change yourself on the outside OR the inside, i'm sure that you are beautiful the way that you are! Please believe me, i know that it is hard, cause i am a stranger...don't feel like a retard to write here. Don't you feel better when you get it out?


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jupiter
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Self-hatred comes sort of naturally to me: I'm pretty sure it's just some weird variant of PMS (ever since the onset of puberty, the only thing that's kept me from taking a long stroll off a short window ledge is the knowledge that this too shall pass, and life will revert to its normal form and function). I'm glad that Ophelia's feeling, if not better, then at least at terms with herself. I know what it's like - like looking at a paper you've written, and to want to rip and tear a whole ream of paper filled with the same text just because you're the one who wrote it. And, Mophead, I'm a newbie here and already have witnessed enough of your good works and advice to stand in awe of you. We should make you a superhero cape. Don't become a workaholic - everyone needs some downtime. I would say that I love you all, but I don't know you which makes that seem maudlin, so I'll just wish you all the best possible outcomes in your respective conflicts.
Posts: 55 | From: West Sand Lake (aka Cow Pasture), NY | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mophead
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*megablush*

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My menstrual diary
Updated as often as my uterus


Posts: 752 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Shygurl
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I awlways feel ashamed and more than anything embarrassed about myself. There are a few rare times when I feel like things may be changing for me, but it all boils down to that i have low self esteem and am depressed.I havent' always bee depressed, but i have awlays felt like i am different. And that doesn't always feel good. I kept thinking: if my parents would jsut give me a little more freedom, or if I could just make better grades, or if I had a job or car or a great, cute, boyfriend, things would be so much better. Well all of these things hae happend for me recently and it may seem like i have my life together on the outside but on the inside I feel more empty because I feel "fake"
Posts: 47 | From: BFE | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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