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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Death and Loss (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Death and Loss
Heather
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At one time or another in our lives, someone close to us passes on, which is never easy.

Use this thread to memorialize someone close to you who is gone, hash out your grief, or offer support for someone else dealing with loss.


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Candy_Chica
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A few months ago my best friend of a few months died, and I haven't really been the same since. It was the first time I'd lost someone truly close to me, and it was the first time I had dealed with something so violent. Her dad killed her, her mother, then himself. It's hurt me so badly, but I take it day by day. I've made a small tribute page to her. It's kinda corny, but it helps me cope. http://www.chickpages.com/brainiacs/candy_chic/sonye.html

Candy
Property of Freud's School of IDiots
No. 6785-4398-3655

[This message has been edited by Candy_Chica (edited August 04, 2000).]


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Heather
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Candy,
I am so terribly sorry. That is a really beautiful page that you've made, it wasn't corny at all. It just made me cry.

I know in my own life, death has often been a big issue. My grandparents and uncle died when I was very young in a violent car accident, and my boyfriend in high school comitted suicide very violently as well.

Violent deaths are often an extra struggle on top of a loss, especially when you were unprepared for someone so close to you to die, and because it simply hurts to picture someone you care about having been through a lot of violence.

Big hugs to you.


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BabyAngel84
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OMG!!!! thats soo terrible to lose someone like that! i'm really really sorry to hear of ur loss, theres been a few deaths around here, errr...well...i hear of them...cuz they all happened to kids at my old school, all of them were in the same grade as me and all people i knew...2 of them i was friends with the other was my old best friends boyfriend, Amber died 1st, walkin home from school she got hit by a drunk driver..me and her were on and off friends, but when i left we were enemies due to the rumors she spread about me and one of my friends, either way, NO ONE!!! deserves to dye do to someones PATHETIC! habit!! then Lauren died, me and her used to be good friends as well, she died in a terrible car accident when her mom got distracted, laurens head exploded due to pressure!! she was the nicest person ever and even though we weren't that close when i moved i still miss her, the the last one was Ben, my friends boyfriend, he died in a snowmobile accident, he ran into barbed wire straight across his throat, he died instantly!! all of the ways these people have died could have easily been prevented!! it's sooo terrible how some people have to end there lives!! well, i'm gonna go now..it felt good to get that out though, thank you bye.
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GothGirl
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I HAVE EXPERIENCED DEATH FIRST HAND
Two years ago my best friend was staying over at my house, we were talking that night and he said how he was so depressed. This wasn't anything new, we both usually told each other when there was something wrong. So we talked that night until about 3 and he said he would be fine, i told him i loved him, gave him a kiss on the cheek and went to bed. When i woke in the morning i went in the bathroom and i saw my best frind hanging from the shower curtain. It was the most horrifying site i will ever see, i loved that boy, he was the most special person to me in the world and he is gone now never to be replaced. I love chris so much and i always will.

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bettie
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I am sorry to hear everyone's stories. Death and loss are a part of life but that doesn't mean that it is easy or that we know how to handle it.

My father died 4 1/2 years ago. I still miss him very much. I certainly don't cry like I did the first year or so, but I feel sad about not having my father with me. I am a big dreamer and I would dream about my father a lot. They were not scary dreams, but they would upset me.

In January I took part in a grief group that I found very helpful. We worked on looking at death and grieving and how the relationship with the person who died affected us. At the end we wrote our loved one a letter saying many things that included good-bye to the physical relationship we had had, not the memory or our love for them. I found it very helpful and the dreams I kept having about my father changed and were not so upsetting.

If others need to talk about death of parent, I am here.


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Ashley
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I am in the process of losing someone. She is 12 years of age, and just tured 13. A guy that was 16 now 17, had sex with her. Now, she is going to die because of it. He had aids. Now she does. It's hard knowing that my sister is dying. She is like my sister. I don't think of anyone else like I do her. And I know that the Angel of death is getting closer each day.

-life is precious-


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Ashley
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I just don't understand why someone would want to pass such an awfull thing. I don't want to watch her die at all, and I can't help but want him dead as well. It's not fair. She trusted him. I am determined never to trust someone that much.
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kythryne
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Bumping this one up -- anybody else need to talk about their experiences?

------------------
Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Advocate

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey


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sunshine_1ofakind
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My best friend died in a car wreck in September and now I am terrified of dying in the car. I envision how I am going to die everytime I'm in the car and it is pretty much different everytime. I don't want to get into the gross details, but is this normal? It is really freaking me out.
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Lady Moonlight
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Sounds pretty normal to me, Sunshine. After all, you empathized with your best friend while she was alive, right? Probably you tried to put yourself in her place lots of times, and imagine what she was feeling in a particular situation, or how you would feel in her place. Combine that with the in-your-face realizization that death can happen to someone your age whom you know very well, and it's not too surprising that you imagine yourself dying in a car wreck and what that would be like.

However, if your imaginings are becoming an obsessive thing that happens every time you get into a car, you probably need to talk to somebody about this, like a school counselor or a trained grief therapist. They can help you deal with your grief and your fear so that you can treasure the memory of your friend and keep going.

My sympathies on losing your friend.


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Daydreamer24
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Hey Sunshine -- I've never experienced any kind of trauma like that, but I do go through that for no reason at all. Anytime we're coming close to a red light or a car is coming near us, I get a funny feeling and get really scared. My sister's friend died in a car accident around the same time you pal did, and even though I didn't know her too well, it hit me. I'm really sensitive about death. Hang in there, sweetie. It'll get better.
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Celtic Daisy
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I've never had a friend die, but i've had plenty of family members, and friends family members who i was somewhat close to pass on. None were in a terribly horrible way, but my friends dad had alcohol poisoning and it's kinda assumed he was beaten to death at a bar. Her cousin commited suicide in the same week.

I was never terribly effected by any of the deaths. My mourning period has always been very short and accepting, but i'm alway hoping i'll never have to go through losing a close friend or anyone close in any way.

I don't know quite how you guys feel, and all i can say is i'm sorry for your loss and i hope you'll make it through, one day at a time.

------------------
"No self-respecting woman will let a naked man in socks do the squelchy with her'-Jeff Murdock

Erin Jane
~Scarleteen Advocate~


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ZerosX
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all of my grandparents died within a period of 3 years when i was in 2-6 grade. i'm coming to find recently that it f*cked me up worse than I thought for a while. for the period my parents were involved taking care of their parents, they were tired/emotionally exhausted/etc. I was introverted, my best friend's life was nicer. I envied her for the big family Thanksgiving she had one year I went to the hospital and sat in the hall looking at a miserable little strawy doll an elementary school kid made for the patients on my granfather's floor. And I got mad at it because that kid was probably also having a big family Thanksgiving and forgotten about the straw doll. By the time my maternal grandmother died, I was becoming increasingly obsessive compulsive, I had paralyzing fears of various topics related to death. My parents didn't know what the hell to do with me because I doubt any of us could get the pieces back together at the time. My best friend and I were close during the first experience in second grade. Her mom took us to Dairy Queen and I didn't really get anything. I went over to her house repeatedly during the second time around, when by second grandfather died. By the time my paternal grandmother died just over a year later, this massive distance had appeared. I wasn't doing so hot. I was left with the feeling my mom wished I would stop with the obsessive crap. I believe she thought I was more in control than I was. I was never sent to get "professional help" for better or worse. I had typical middle school problems. By the time I got to eighth grade, the obsessive compulsive tendencies had gotten better. By sophomore year, I thought I was healed. My mom had told me on occasion that she was afraid I had more left in me than either of us knew, as far as lingering feelings go. In recent months that's been confirmed. I still have yet to decide whether it's a resurgence or a natural healing or most likely a combination of both. I like to believe more healing. I found myself at someone's house over the summer, crying on him. In retrospect it was natural because earlier on he had been on a shift when the store he was working at was robbed. Natural, yeah. Right. I sobbed. For some reason I had this instantaneous thought of the fall before my last grandmother died. I'm not happy about what this may have done to me. I don't like the thought that some of my sexual insecurities, etc. are effects of a fear of death like I'm coming to suspect. I can't decide if the things I do that I know I shouldn't are in reaction to that, or trying to combat, or completely unrelated. I doubt some are. I suspect others are. Since I've entered high school, I've known five people who have died very young; none I was inherently close to, but all I was connected to. A girl died freshman year in a car accident; she was the girlfriend of the brother of my best friend at the time. Later that year, two more kids died, one was close to a good friend of mine now. I've only started remembering that in recent weeks. It affected slightly me at the time, and then... it was seemingly gone. Summer before sophomore year a good friend of a good friend killed himself. Sophomore year a kid in my glass died unexpectedly of an anyerism. If you add one more that I only knew of, another guy died in a car crash less than a month later. I was struck by this feeling of losing my own again and again. A friend of mine tried to kill himself around the time the two kids died my freshman year. He didn't succeed. I still don't know if it was because he just couldn't, or because of what another friend and I did, trying to stop it. Either way, he's still alive but I haven't seen him in a long time. This is overly detailed. It is, however, support, and I thank those who started this topic. Sometimes it brings perspective just to narrate that facts. In this light, I realize I don't have it nearly as bad as many do. I was struck by feelings of empty hate toward the people who tried to justify themselves by feeling bad when a classmate died and then going back to life as usual. I felt guilty for thinking I had done that. There's a surprising amount of guilt involved in death, violent or natural. My mom gave me a letter the guidance department of my school made her write to them. just for an introduction. she wrote down some of the stuff i've just relayed; she said I was more "serious" than most kids my age. wise beyond my years? [EDITED*]. I donno if I've even been through anything, but that happening in somewhat formative years hasn't served me well. I've been coming to this site recently, asking relatively petty questions. "What condoms are most effective?" This is an important topic; I'm not discounting the need to ask. I still ask. These questions have led me to realize how interconnected emotions are. Love and sex and death and happiness and emotion. All the cliches that only became cliches because they're true, right. I'm afraid of loss but I still hate permanence. My aforementioned fear of being pregnant [also posted in Support Groups] stemmed from a fear of being left by my significant other, which was triggered by the natural assumption that if you love someone, they will be gone. I think I'm still expecting to clean these elements out of my mind of my life, but they're not there to be taken out. They weren't added, experience changed them for me. So be it. I hope that in the coming days my decisions regarding sex won't be influenced by something that hurts inside me, hoping to be healed. I'd like to try to make decisions like that from some remaining healthy part. To everyone behind this site... while I don't always agree with you, I appreciate fully the work you're doing. I'm grateful for information presented in a non-condescending, non-sugar coated format, and those of you willing to cousel and guide the kids of the world better and worse off than me are to be commended. Good day.

-Zero

Edited for the use of inappropiate language. Let's try and keep this site PG-13, ok? Thanks.

[This message has been edited by Dude_who_writes (edited 02-24-2002).]


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dreamweaver87
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This is one of my first times to post a message on here. I just don't understand why its this subject but what do you know. I went through loss and heartache. One time in particular.
My cousin (not a very close one but still my blood) committed suicide...March 16, 2000. I will always remember that date because it was 3 days before my 13th birthday. I remember I was writing in my diary when the phone rang. Mom talked quietly for a while. Then after she hung up the phone she told my brother, my sister, and I to come out and sit on the couch. Right away I knew somebody died. It was just that feeling in the pit of your stomach. And when she told me that my cousin died we all cried of course.
The day after my birthday we laid Bryan into the ground for the last time. It was really hard. Then I got depressed.
I blamed everybody...his father, his step-mother, him, and then finally myself. I kept saying stuff like 'You should have never been born', 'If you had only taken time out for him instead of yourself', 'You should've helped him', 'You should've said i love you maybe that would have helped'.
I got more moodier during those long months. I would scream at my sister and mother. And then finally I broke down to my sister and told her I needed help. That I needed somebody to talk to. She didn't believe me. At least I don't think she did. She just nodded and didn't do anything about it.
I never did get help.
But one night I had a dream of my cousin. He was still alive then and I wanted to say that I loved him but I couldn't do it. I woke up crying because I didn't say it. The next night I had the same dream except this time I told him I loved him. And in my dream he turned around and he said 'I know'. And I healed.
My point is it helps to talk about it. But sometimes you don't need others. And if you do then thats ok too. Doing what I did...writing about it helped bunchs. I wrote a story dedicated to him. It helped me to cope. Its great to talk about it but if you are like me and trust NO ONE then thats ok too. But somehow you still have to get your feelings out.

sorry for rambling
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dreamer


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Lilfran14
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Well no one i know recently died. But last year the last day of school, one of the most popular and succesful and funny kids in the whole school decided to kill himself. His mother found him in his room with a hole threw his head, i was not great friends with teddy, but i was good friends with his sister and i did hang out with him once or twice, but it was terrible. The last day of school they took the whole school into the auditorium and told us all at once, it was terrible, everyone was crying, no one would move, everyone was in shock, people went out and just drank and drank did anything to get this tragidy off their minds!! I miss Teddy very much ad i think about how successful he would be everyday, no one forgot u teddy!! 6~12~01..RIP!!
Other than that my Uncle Russle died about 5 years ago, he was awesome, he lived in texas and im in new york so i idnt see him often, but when i did see him it was amazing, he was a soccer coach, i was a player, we laughed together all the time and then one day he had a drinking problem and went into a comma the next day he died, it was devistating.
The last one i would have to say is my Grandma, she died two years ago, but i still lie in bed at night crying to her hoping shes looking at me. She came to all my sporting events, made me dinenr every sunday, gave me x-mas presents, spoiled me like grandmas are suppose to , and my mom came into school one day and pulled me outta my class and told me she died, i dropped to twh ground and cryed my mom tryed to hug me but i ran out crying i couldnt take it! I loved my grandma very much, unconditionaly! At her funeral all her friends came up to me and told me how she always use to talk about how beautiful and talented i was, and they played amazing grace and i broke down and couldnt stop. it was the saddest thuing i had ever went through! I love you Grandma!



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Lady Moonlight
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We buried one of my colleagues yesterday.

Joe was a second grade teacher in the elementary school where I'm the librarian. He was a sweet, funny guy, who had no kids of his own but was a father to every kid who came through his class. He went out of his way to be helpful and nice; like Will Rogers, Joe, "never met a man he didn't like" and everyone liked him.

He loved Peeps, those sickly-sweet marshmallow candies shaped like baby chicks. In fact, he liked anything sugary. He used to pop into people's rooms (including the library) not because he needed anything but just to say "hi" and tell you to have a good day.

He and his wife died last Saturday on the highway, in a stupid accident in what was probably the last snow/ice storm of the season.

They didn't close school, so teachers from other schools in the district came in and staffed our classes so we'd have "real" teachers and not all subs. We took a school bus to his funeral; almost the entire school staff went. There we were, in that long procession to the cemetery, all those cars...and a big yellow school bus. Joe would have laughed and laughed. And I know he laughed with us on the way home, when somebody broke out the boxes and passed them around and we all toasted his memory, lifting our Peeps high into the air.

So if you're the praying type, spare a prayer for all the friends and family that miss a really wonderful guy, especially a class of 2nd graders that lost "their" Mr. Colvin. We could use it.


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Celtic Daisy
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I'm so sorry for your loss Lady Moonlight.

I'm not really the prayer type, but you and all that you've asked will be in my thoughts.

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'Steve, sex with two whole women, think of the advantages...they can't both fall asleep. If one of them suddenly leaves or punches you, you've still got one left. If one of them plays that old sneaking out of the window trick, there's someone there to untie you. It's total genius.' -Jeff Murdock

Erin Jane
~Scarleteen Advocate~


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kythryne
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My thoughts are with you and everyone else who'll be missing him. He must have been a fabulous person.

Kyth

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Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Advocate

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey


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Miller311
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In reply to LilFrans post, teddy was my brother. That is the hardest thing ive ever experienced, and hopefully ever will. Ive gained alot of knowledge from my experiences and hopfully can use that to help others. You have no idea how incredibly hard it is to handle something like that. My brother and i were VERY close, we hung out with the same crowd and hung out all the time. I miss him incredibly! So for anyone who reads this, dont take your siblings for granit, bc you never know well they'll go! i love u teddy RIP
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Lady Moonlight
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Thanks, Celtic Daisy and Kythryne.

Yeah, Joe was a great guy, one of those teachers who lived for his kids. We all miss him.

I found a great book about death for my library, and I thought some folks here might be interested. It's called, What on Earth Do You Do When Someone Dies and it's written at about a 3rd-5th grade level although it could be read out loud to somebody younger, and could well be informative for folks who are older but who haven't dealt with death before. It's very straightforward and talks about everything from grief feelings to what happens at a funeral, and if any of you have younger friends and relatives who are dealing with death I highly recommend it. I found my copy on Amazon.com for about $8 plus shipping.


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glitter695
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I knew Teddy also. I remember when I was a cheerleader, and he was a football player and we were waiting for the bus I used to punch his stomach all the time. It was the most hardest stomach ever! LOL. He was a really funny, loving guy. He was great.

When Teddy killed himself, it was tough. I was so spooked I didnt know what to do. I didnt know where he went and I kept wondering where he went. My mom kept telling me that I couldnt worry about it so much. I also had to keep my bedroom door open or else I couldnt sleep (I still do that).

Sara~ You are wonderful, and I dont know how she does it. She is so strong. You should see this girl.

*~*~Teddy RIP*~*~

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
Bobaroony & Erica Bearica
<3 love forever!

Monk N Bear~ Best Friends Forever! ~Luv ya babe!

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

One ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Heather Corinna


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cupcake
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One of my friends died on Sunday.

Tony!!!!
It's insane. He died on Sunday, he fell out of the back of a pick up truck, and died from severe head trauma.

I honestly don't know what to do... We were on course together last year, with people from across the country. Now from BC to Nfld, everyone is mourning.

Going about your normal activities doesn't feel right, but what else can you do??

I can't go to the funeral either, it's more than 6 hours away in Niagara Falls, and I have exams. I feel so guilty, casue I think SOMEONE from last year should be there, and I'm one of the closest.

I've been passing the word along to the people we knew from course, and it's about the only thing that makes me feel better. At least that way I'm DOING something, but it's still.... i don't know. Doesn't feel right.


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Daydreamer24
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*hugs to cupcake*... aww I'm so sorry... Really, just pray for him. Let him be in your thoughts.

A funeral is a time for closing your thoughts on the person. You can't make it; hey no big deal. If he were here, he'd understand. Don't blame yourself for not being able to go!

Maybe you could try seeing a counseler. Talk to people. Talking always gets your feelings out. So does crying! Cry, cry, cry. You'll feel so much better.

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If you don't daydream and kind of plan things out in your imagination, you'll never get there. So you have to start someplace.
Robert Duvall

"I'm a Texas woman, which means I don't need the help of a man to keep things rolling." -The Rookie


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Lilfran14
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Well a year ago my friends brother and also my friend shot himself during school at his home. On June 12. It was the saddest thing our school had to go threw, hearing about it, being on lockdown so we didnt do nething stupid, it was soo tragic. We celebrated his year death at his grave with a ballonn salute. It was very sad and everyone cryed but we all talked about teddy and laughed to. Im glad we did it.

Then just a few months ago, my friend Cole got shot by one of supposivly friend. Cole was the type of kid that made u laugh when u cryed, and always had high spirits. He never had a dull moment, and he is definetly someone that no one could ever forget. It was a tradgedy what happened to him and teddy also. No one has fully recovered from either of these deaths. I knew cole better than i knew Teddy, and i still cry all the time, it helps, but sometimes i wish i ahd someone to cry with, but i dont relaly feel comfortable crying around other people.

I guess things happen for a reason and i know that cole and teddy will both be in heaven waiting for all of us with open arms when it is our time to go.

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~*Katie Frances*~

Why is it that in the
land of the free, home
of the brave, why is it
that i still feel like a
slave.?"

Life is too short..Live it well and with the people you care about.. Don't ever let your work become your life... Go out there and live a little before its too late** Dr. Greene ER


Posts: 183 | From: Buffalo, NY :) | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
angelicmadrigal
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For starters I'm 21 years old. I have been to a funeral for almost every year of my life. I've lost: 5 great-grandparents, 1 great aunt, 1 great-uncle, 1 grandparent, 1 cousin, 1 uncle, 2 parents of a friend, 2 family freinds . These are the people I was close to that I've lost, not to mention the funerals of the people I didn't know well.
ONly one of these people, my great uncle Ronnie died peacefully. However he suffered from diabetes (blind, and no legs) for 40 years before he passed on.
2 of them Jack and Diane, family freinds were killed by a drunk driver. One of my freind's parents commited suicide when I was 4, and her father die of a heart attack when we were 14. My own mother nearly died when I was born, and I myself have had a "lovely" slow dance with death.

How have I coped? Well this may not help all of you, but I beleive no one truly ever leaves. There are the spirits of those who have been gone all around us, we just have to look, or sometimes they find us.

I believe this whole heartedly because I dabble in the paranormal. You know, ghosts and all, and I believe in them. I've seen/heard/experienced the presance of spirits. I assure you this is NOT bunk and the first few times it happens it's scary.
I am NOT a medium however, I do not claim to be able to make the ghosts talk back or respond to me, I can merely experience what they allow me.

While some of you may beleive this is my imagination talking I assure you It's as realy as I am. Sometimes it's BEST to think of people as merely physically bereft of their body, rather than believeing their spirit has been tossed into oblivion.


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~jess~
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o boy o boy, sunday this teenager died in a car accident on the river road. i use to be close to his little sister. what happened was they were racing a red camero, i dont know why because he's grown up on that road and he know its a bad road. they went around a corner and drown the side, knocking over 2 trees. he and his passenger were dead, but they saved the passenger. the driver was pronced dead at the sene but still took him to the hospital. the passenger i also know, hes my uncle's, gf, son's, gf, little brother. he is in a coma. he was so badly injured they didnt even know who it was at first. he has liqued in his lungs and brain, if he doesnt die he'll be a vegable. my mom's exbest friend is really close to the kid that died. we called her daugher (who works at the hospital but wasnt working that night, luckily) and shes like no, no. and her mom freaked out. my mom's other friend went to see his dad and said it was sad. his mom didnt even know he died tell he called and her husban was like um what ru talking about, stevie isnt dead. its sad, they were 16.

------------------
i love matt
my world


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PiNkRoSe13
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One day my grandmother was sitting in her bed, i didnt know that she was even close to dying.. and i took her hand and sang "Amazing Grace" to her and she was smiling...and i went downstairs to get something and when i came back... she was gone... she still had her hand lying out looking like she was trying to reach out for me...
Posts: 49 | From: Frankfort IL USA | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
virple
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I had a friend who was bipolar. His name was John. In February, I got word that he had been in an accident and rushed in a helicopter to the hospital. The next day, I found out he didn't make it. I was so upset. He was an only child. I wondered who was in the other car... and if they were okay...

Then, I received an email from his best friend about the accident. There was no other car. He was going 65mph on a 25mph road that ended in a T. Instead of slowing down, he collided head on into a brick building... My sadness transformed into anger...

http://cpa.myrthco.com/cpav1.php3?date=2002-02-13

http://sdsucollegian.com/main.cfm/include/detail/storyid/182172.html

02/12/02
--------------------------
A male driver crashed into the side of Harding Hall after going approximately 60
mph down Rotunda Lane, according to student UPD officer Joe Haerter. Haerter
said the man "wasn't doing too good" when rescuers extracted him from the
vehicle. At the time the Collegian went to press, the cause of the accident was
still unknown.
--------------------------
Story Source: SDSU Collegian

I'll only know the account from his friend... It was over a girl... I cared for that kid a lot. He told me of previous attempts at suicide... I told him to call me the next time he thought things like that... I didn't want to see him go... He never contacted me...

For educational purposes, I'm going to that school. It hurts me to think about him. I hate the guy who got the girl he killed himself over... He's going to college there next year too... So I'll have lots of little reminders of someone who doesn't exist anymore... And it's like he doesn't...

------------------
hey, sure.

[This message has been edited by virple (edited 07-27-2002).]


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Ashy
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Just last night at 9:30, I got the phone call: "Did you hear about Mr. Bromley?!?" One of my favorite teachers had died. He had a heart attack on the 30th.

It was very strange, I have never experienced the death of someone I actually knew. In fact, on the day that he died, my friends and I were just discussing how great next year with Mr. Bromley would be. Mr. Bromley was a special teacher (physics) to me, and next year, many of my friends and I were really looking forward to taking AP Physics next year. He was an integral part of the science deparment, and I can't imagine school next year without him.

He has two small daughters and three older children, and I hope that they will be okay. On Saturday I'm attending his funeral service, so I don't think this has all hit me yet. Planning to cook some food for the family--I feel like I need to do something for them.

------------------
Kindness and honesty can be expected only from the strong.
Anonymous


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Daydreamer24
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quote:
Originally posted by GothGirl:
When i woke in the morning i went in the bathroom and i saw my best frind hanging from the shower curtain.

That scene was in "Girl, Interuppted" and I had nightmares for several months- 1 year. I don't handle psychological deaths or just pschycology in general well at all.


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Tasha_Natasha
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Hi, my name is Tasha and this is my first time being at this site. Well, I was reading your guys post on death and lossing loved ones and I can say tht I know exactly how you all feel. I had my baby girl 3 months early and she died just a week or two before she turne 2 months old. And I was up at the hospital and had her die in my arms. She was born 9-23-2001 and died 11-5-2001. And it is very hard for me. There is not a day that goes by that I don't cry, and have even done some stupid stuff because of what happened. Well, I guess that is all for now.


------------------
Tasha mother to an angel-Natasha.(9/23/01-11/5/01)

[This message has been edited by Tasha_Natasha (edited 08-08-2002).]


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starlight23
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When i was 2 1/2 years old, my father died. when you're 2, you dont remember much, at all. i have one vague memoray, but i dont even know if its real, or just a dream i had. people might think oh well she as young she doens't remember it she didnt know him anyway. yea maybe thats true, but he was still my father, a part of me i will never know. being in preschool and having to explain to other kids why you're making a gift for your grandfather for fathers day isn't exactly a fun experience. there was a while that i didnt think much about it happening...but since about 6th grade (i broke down in class one day...) its really bothered me cuz i haven't been able to understand WHY it happened, and why it happened to me. i never got to go to father/daughter square dances when i was a girl scout. my father's death, whether i remember it or not has really affected everything about my life. i used to get SO mad at my friends when they would be all sad that there dads had to go away for a week on business, or if they're parents were divorced or something...even if they're dads yelled at them, i would get SO angry when they complained...at least they had a father. maybe he wasn't around all the time, or they didnt' live with him, or he wasn't perfect to you all the time, at least he was there when you needed him. all i have left is some pictures and a gravestone i've been to once that i remember. (the day we put my dog to sleep that my mom had had since her and my dad had gotten married...that was a rough day for us both...even if it was 'just a dog' cuz for us she wasn't just that) i still get SO angry sometimes...in my ethics or justice or whatever class one day my teacher was rattling off statistics as usual and said something about how kids whose parents are divorced have a harder time dealing with it then kids whose parents die. i was SO angry after that class...it was last period and i'm pretty sure i came home and cried. i think alot of people out there take their parents and other loved ones for granted, i know i've been guilty of it but i try to make up for it as best i can. i was having a really hard time with all this earlier this year and i told my boyfriend everything, something i had never done with anyone before. it made me feel a little better, but the pain is still there.
recently, i haven't really known anyone who has died. one of the pilots from 9-11...his daughters go to my school, so that was quite traumatic for me...and people at my school (we think its cursed) have family members die alot. my boyfriend had two relatives die last year, and his grandmother isn't doing well. one of my really good friends got into a ski accident this year (his second one) and almost died. the first accident he got into he did actually technically die, his heart stopped and everything. that was back in feb. and he's still not that same...still has double vision and can't the new car his parents had bought him...something he only got to do for a few weeks before the accident. things like that are such a wake up call. it was the day before valentines day and we didn't expect anything like that to happen...but i guess you never do.
two of my best friends and my boyfriend all had dreams about me dieing within two weeks of each other, each not knowing the other 2 did. really freaked me out.
i get SO worried about the people i love dieing. i worry about my grandparents alot. i love them so much and they helped raise me and the sweetest people in the world and i'd do anything for them. i worry about everyone in my family...from my mom and my stepdad to my cousins. i worry about my friends and my boyfriend alot too. he was late getting home from work the other day and he works kinda down the street from my house...and i was really worried...and then there were all these sirens, i couldnt' sit still until he called.
i just want anyone who reads this to take a minute and see if you do apprecaite the people in your life that help you and love you. your parents, your siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, friends, lovers, husbands, wives, children, whatever. just apprecaite the people you have when you have them, cuz you never know how much longer they're going to be there. love them when you can. and make sure they know it.

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Zanney
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Ive been toying with the idea of adding to this for a while, so here goes

You probably know by now that Ive never really known my mom. I was about 14 months old when she died. All I have now are photos and her old things her old yearbooks, journals, letters. I feel kind of like I know her from those, but I would give anything to be able to talk with her, just for an hour.

She was a doctor, as well as my dad. The actually met in med. school in New York, and things went from there. My dad said she was quite pretty, and in her photos she looks beautiful.

Sadly, one morning, on the way to work, she had to break suddenly to avoid getting hit by another car. Her head bumped on the windscreen. Nothing happened for several hours, but then she developed a subdural haematoma (hemorrhage in the brain) and died quite suddenly.

I know she is still watching over us. I know that my dad still grieves, deeply, for her.

And sometimes I wonder whether it is easier to have never known her, or whether it is easier to have a parent snatched away from you when you can remember??

~~~ Amanda ~~~ June 26,1958 - Dec 4,1985 ~~~

[This message has been edited by Zanney (edited 09-17-2002).]


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angelicmadrigal
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quote:
Originally posted by Zanney:

Sometimes I wonder whether it is easier to have never known her, or whether it is easier to have a parents snatched away from you when you can remember??
RAK

That's an interesting question you brought up there. A friend of mine could probably answer that, well actually I could probably answer that for her, because I asked her something like that once. My friend KAthy's mother commited suicide when Kathy was three (I was four). Neither of us really remember a lot about her mom, other than she was very sick all the time. We both share a few common memories,but they're very fuzzy. Her dad died when she was 12, he had a major heart attack in the hospital 3 hours after a surgery. She wasn't even there at the hospital to say good-bye.

She always told me that it was equally ahrd for her. You see even though she was closer to her father when he died, and got to know him in her eyes he wasn't perfect ( like how he drank a lot, cheated on her mom, and was verbally abusive). When her mother died she didn't have time to learn about her mothers flaws, all she knew was the things she'd experienced.


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